New Year. New Me?

Hi hi. Here I am.

I LOVE the new year... fresh starts and resolutions and all that. I'm a total sucker for it. I daresay that I am ready for change across the board. There's all kinds of things in the works that I won't detail here (mainly because nothing is yet set in stone), but there may be indeed some major changes taking place in my life in 2010.

Getting back to healthier habits is among them, as ever.

So, I bet you're wondering what I've been doing so far this fair 2010?

Not much, really. The scale's battery died again, so I can't check in to see how much damage has been done in the past few months. I can kind of guess based on my clothes and just how I feel overall, and that would put me close to where I started two years ago, at 350 pounds. Bummer.

One good thing is that I think I have lost a pound or two in the past couple weeks, though not really on purpose; just that we're dead broke until next Wednesday and we're parsing out our stock of food in the meantime. So, trying to eat less, smaller portions overall. It's been going OK, but the whole exercise makes me itchy. It's nerve-wracking having less than $5 in your bank account to last you almost two weeks (we've made it through a few days already).

Whatever works, I guess. It's getting me into the right mind set. We don't have to be gluttons and still be satisfied with what we eat. And C. and I have definitely been gluttonous in the past few months, like monsters. Indulging whatever food whims we have, whenever.

So it is sort of a good feeling to be more... austere with our eating. The only bad thing about having so little money on hand has been that veggies and fruits kind of go to the wayside, and we've stocked up on various meats (chicken, pork, ground beef -- all on sale), plus other cheap and versatile staples, like pasta, bread and pizza dough (some homemade), potatoes, eggs, etc. Whatever keeps us satiated for a decent length of time. I'd like to reconsider this and figure out, when we have more funds and feel "safe", how to incorporate more healthy foods into a very small budget. While we won't always be in this financial situation, it is still good to learn how to be as resourceful as possible. Obviously. I've been working on this for as long as I've been working on my body issues, albeit with way more success. Sure, we're broke at the moment, but I have learned to track my spending and avoid bank overdrafts (a revelation!). That was a huge coup in 2009... so there is obviously hope for me yet.

Next payday I plan to get a new battery for the scale. I like tracking the data, as you probably know. I may or may not be as obsessive about it. I'd like not to be. In the meantime, I would still like to get my body to the gym and at least spend 15 or 20 minutes on the treadmill, at least once. Once a week to start.

*sigh*

I don't ever give up on this, which I think is very important. I still have faith in myself that I will finally find a total life system that will work for me. Each year that I invest in trying gets me that much closer. I've learned some things that work, some that don't. I take what I need and leave the rest. I'm giving myself time. I'm not on a deadline.

I'm not even sure I'll set a weight loss goal for myself this year. Rather, I'd like to be able to tie my shoes while easily bending over, how's that?

Sounds like something so little, so insignificant, but I tell you: It's HUGE. It will be huge when I can do that again.

Wish me luck!