January has come to a close – hooray! Only a couple more months of potentially winter weather.
I will also be happy to update my "data" page with a loss for the first time in a while – double hooray!
February, the shortest month of the year, thank goodness, because it looks like it might be the brokest as well. That's never much fun, but I'll figure it out, like I always do.
Things have been going OK. Weight-wise, after that initial 10-, 11-pound loss, I haven't budged, just bouncing from 317 to 318 to 319 to 322 to 319 to 318 and so on. (I'm not going to lie, that 322 really freaked me out and it happened unjustifiably, as it sometimes does.) Today I'm 318 and change, which is fine for now.
To be honest, after some of that bouncing I got a little pissed off and have been eating a little more carby. It hasn't really hurt anything, but it hasn't helped, either. ALTHOUGH! I suspect that being in PMS mode has something to do with the stall. This has happened to me enough to know that it is very likely, in fact. Fun times! But at least an explanation.
At first I didn't consciously know why, but now I do: I ate and ate today probably just for that reason. Hormones. Not that it's an excuse, but you know. It's hard to beat hormones. I had a Bagel Wednesday bagel for breakfast (we get free bagels on Wednesdays at work), poppyseed with cream cheese, and then for lunch it all fell apart, kind of. I think part of the problem was hormones, yes, and then the other part of the problem was that my boss called just before I was about to head out to get some lunch, and by the time we got off the phone an hour later, I was SO. HUNGRY.
And I had planned on doing a little bit of grocery shopping on my lunch break and probably just get something at the store. The problem with doing that when you're hungry and PMSing is... well, you know what the problem is. You lose the ability to make intelligent decisions. In fact, in a state like that you make completely drive-based decisions, amirite?
I ended up getting the ingredients I didn't have in the house to make these cookies sometime soon. (Seriously, they are exactly the kind of cookie I would make if I invented a cookie recipe.) I also got a big pack of fresh raspberries on sale (the lowest carb fruit!), a packet of fresh mozzarella cheese sticks wrapped in prosciutto (like no carbs, but I wasn't a huge fan so only had two pieces), a pint of amaretto with amarena cherries gelato (dear god, I love this stuff so much but why on earth did I buy it???) and a couple other non-edible items.
The gelato was the first ice cream-type stuff I've eaten in at least three weeks, which is like an eternity in AmyTime. It was delicious and I'm trying not to feel bad about it. I'm not going to feel bad about any of it, really. It was an event. I lost my mind temporarily. It's not the end.
I'm on the fence about the carb thing. I don't understand how something like sweet potato or black beans can be considered a food that I shouldn't eat. Those two things in particular – I can't get my head around it. I mean, I get it, they have lots of carbs. But they're GOOD for you! I'm pretty sure that I am still going to pay attention to carbs for most of the time. I do think that the low-carb approach to eating IS good for my particular body. But, it's not always convenient and I don't like, I really hate, eliminating whole groups of foods from my diet. I do. I also can't get around that.
So anyway, I am still more or less doing the weight loss study but I am obviously not being perfect about it.
One thing I can tell you about eating that pint of gelato: It is not making me feel good! Not that I feel sick physically or anything, but I do feel bogged down and yuck. Mentally, of course, there are consequences as well. At the very least I can see it as a reminder of the fact that eating foods like that on the regular is not good for me in more ways than one! This is not a feeling I want to have. A-ha!
I had a co-worker who was into bodybuilding and stuff, and she would keep a really strict eating regimen most of the time. But, she and her boyfriend would plan to have a total go-all-out day and eat whatever they wanted one day each month. Thinking about how these past few weeks went for me, I wonder if something like that is workable.
If you've been reading my blog for any length of time, you know that I change my mind a lot and try different things according to what feels right and what feels like it will work best for me at any given time. It's nice to keep things fresh and prevents boredom, for sure. And because I am in this for life, that's an important thing.
Despite these mixed signals I'm throwing at my body right now, I'm not giving up by any stretch. But I guess I am taking a bit of a break today.
Onward!
Wednesday, January 31, 2018
Friday, January 19, 2018
Always Learning Something New
I've been eating low-carb for about a week and a half now, and I am still doing well with it and it's working well for me, too. I'm not really questioning why and just going with the flow for once!
I've heard it so many times over the years, and read about others' experiences, and hearing directly from friends how great either cutting out sugar and/or eating low-carb makes you feel so much better. One of my very best friends, in fact, cut out sugar completely, even fruit, and LOVES it. Ever since she told me that it's been in the back of my mind and festering, but I tended to be dismissive of it because HOW COULD I EVER GIVE UP SUGAR??? Seriously.
But, in just a short time I have gotten more and more used to living without it, or without as much as I'd gotten myself used to, at least.
The study I am participating in says that I can have, say one fruit a day and one whole grain a day. I've been more or less following that, though my grains aren't always whole (like when I had stuffed shells, or pizza – both were so delicious but stupid, but hey! I needed to feed my partner and that is still the kind of stuff we have in the house), I try to have much smaller portions than I used to. I mean, really – when I made pizza the other day, I had TWO pieces of my 12-inch pie. That is practically unheard of for me. Usually I would count on eating at least half the pizza. This time, though, I had a nice, big salad (also very yummy!) first, and savored the slices about halfway in and alternating between the two things. The result was that I felt satisfied and full, enjoyed the pizza immensely, but did so in a healthier way. It really worked!
For a few meals, I have had one small piece of very dark chocolate as dessert, but last night, for instance, I decided to try not to do that every day like I was starting to because I realize it is not conducive to abandoning sugar. Once I get further into this and feel more secure about my new mindset and habits, I'll have some once in a while, but for now I need to watch it. I'm also thinking about fruit, too – I'm just doing one or even zero per day but maybe I should quit them completely during the transition.
It's making those adjustments as I go along doing this thing that I am most proud of so far. I'm just really surprising myself. I'm not getting cocky about it, though. We'll see where I am in another week or two with my feelings. I am hoping it will get easier as I complete each day.
The weather has been so... ugh. Wintery. Cold and snow and ice... I get out for walks when I can, but honestly I am not doing it as often as I would like, unless you count grocery shopping in a big store (I kind of do, sometimes I come home sweaty, LOL). That said, I am very excited to get back out on a regular basis as the weather improves, and I am not going to worry too much about that aspect of things right now and focus on dealing with food.
Are you interested in the results so far?
I am down 12 pounds in about 10 days. I am not starving, I am not suffering at all, so don't worry! Needless to say I am very happy with that and already feeling more comfortable in my body, win!
I am taking one day at a time and figuring out what things are best to eat and building meals around them. I was at a local co-op grocery store last night and walking through, I realized... I can't eat anything! OK, not really. But what they say about shopping the perimeter of the store for most of your food? Spot on. Veggies, (some dairy), meats (and fish). There are no crackers that aren't carby, even at the health food store. I was disappointed but also know that the foods I can/want to eat are also delicious and much better for my overall health, so... it is getting easier to just walk by.
I'm just really glad I can eat cheese with relative abandon.
I've heard it so many times over the years, and read about others' experiences, and hearing directly from friends how great either cutting out sugar and/or eating low-carb makes you feel so much better. One of my very best friends, in fact, cut out sugar completely, even fruit, and LOVES it. Ever since she told me that it's been in the back of my mind and festering, but I tended to be dismissive of it because HOW COULD I EVER GIVE UP SUGAR??? Seriously.
But, in just a short time I have gotten more and more used to living without it, or without as much as I'd gotten myself used to, at least.
The study I am participating in says that I can have, say one fruit a day and one whole grain a day. I've been more or less following that, though my grains aren't always whole (like when I had stuffed shells, or pizza – both were so delicious but stupid, but hey! I needed to feed my partner and that is still the kind of stuff we have in the house), I try to have much smaller portions than I used to. I mean, really – when I made pizza the other day, I had TWO pieces of my 12-inch pie. That is practically unheard of for me. Usually I would count on eating at least half the pizza. This time, though, I had a nice, big salad (also very yummy!) first, and savored the slices about halfway in and alternating between the two things. The result was that I felt satisfied and full, enjoyed the pizza immensely, but did so in a healthier way. It really worked!
For a few meals, I have had one small piece of very dark chocolate as dessert, but last night, for instance, I decided to try not to do that every day like I was starting to because I realize it is not conducive to abandoning sugar. Once I get further into this and feel more secure about my new mindset and habits, I'll have some once in a while, but for now I need to watch it. I'm also thinking about fruit, too – I'm just doing one or even zero per day but maybe I should quit them completely during the transition.
It's making those adjustments as I go along doing this thing that I am most proud of so far. I'm just really surprising myself. I'm not getting cocky about it, though. We'll see where I am in another week or two with my feelings. I am hoping it will get easier as I complete each day.
The weather has been so... ugh. Wintery. Cold and snow and ice... I get out for walks when I can, but honestly I am not doing it as often as I would like, unless you count grocery shopping in a big store (I kind of do, sometimes I come home sweaty, LOL). That said, I am very excited to get back out on a regular basis as the weather improves, and I am not going to worry too much about that aspect of things right now and focus on dealing with food.
Are you interested in the results so far?
I am down 12 pounds in about 10 days. I am not starving, I am not suffering at all, so don't worry! Needless to say I am very happy with that and already feeling more comfortable in my body, win!
I am taking one day at a time and figuring out what things are best to eat and building meals around them. I was at a local co-op grocery store last night and walking through, I realized... I can't eat anything! OK, not really. But what they say about shopping the perimeter of the store for most of your food? Spot on. Veggies, (some dairy), meats (and fish). There are no crackers that aren't carby, even at the health food store. I was disappointed but also know that the foods I can/want to eat are also delicious and much better for my overall health, so... it is getting easier to just walk by.
I'm just really glad I can eat cheese with relative abandon.
Sunday, January 14, 2018
Low-Carbing It
Hello hello! Happy new year. I've been meaning to write here but I have an outlet where I write every day and spew all my crap, because honestly there has been a lot that I don't want to subject you to all the time. It's a place where I more or less stream of consciousness it totally, meaning no judgement, no filter, just getting down my thoughts in physical form. It's been really wonderful, and something I have been doing consistently on a daily basis since October. It's been good for my soul and good for my writing chops – even if I am not writing anything even close to publishing-worthy, it's a good practice and brain-dumping is a big favorite way of mine to calm myself down and gain perspective. I use a paid site ($5 a month) called 750words.com where the object is to write at least 750 words each day. You can join monthly challenges for more motivation, but the thing I like about most is that is a place where no one else will read what you write, ever. You can also download your entries to do with what you want. You might wonder why I would pay to write somewhere when I could just do the same thing in my Google Drive or just a plain old Word Doc? I considered it, but realized that what keeps me in the habit is the notion of a streak – it tracks how many days in a row you write, and it keeps all sorts of data for you, including words per entry and words total. For instance, I am very close to having written 100,000 words since October! I'm not sure I could done that on my own.
So anyway, I've been busy writing, including my thoughts about losing weight and all the stuff I generally write about around here, but letting myself be even more whiny than I would allow here. I edit my writing much more, whereas at 750words I am just totally unfettered. It's a nice place to be able to go to.
Lots has happened since I last wrote. As you may remember, I had found myself back in the groove and was doing pretty well, feeling good about things. Then somehow – and maybe it was being on vacation for eleven days – I just kind of lost it and ended up this past Tuesday finding myself up to 330 pounds. Truly horrifying.
The good news is that this past week was also the start of a 12-week weight loss study I am participating in. Just in time, too – I needed some sort of structure to rein myself in. Also, it is something that is bigger than me. I want to follow their guidelines so that they get accurate data, and honestly I feel like my brain did a total 180 because they way I am relating to food has completely changed since Tuesday. It's something that I have not quite experienced before in all my experiences with this stuff.
Originally I had signed up for a depression and anxiety study with 23andMe for which I would get a free genetic report including ancestry information, the thing that I was most interested in. (Turns out that I am exactly what I thought I was – a little more than half Irish, and half German and literally nothing else.) A few weeks ago, they offered the chance to be part of weight loss study which I jumped on immediately. Participants could choose from a few different options, and knowing how well my body seems to respond to it, I went for the low-carb option. I'm also supposed to be more active, another thing I am working on anyway.
For the study, they make general suggestions on what to eat rather than say, "Eat only 50g of carbs each day." So I am looking at focusing on mostly eating lean proteins and non-starchy veggies with limited amounts of red meat, grains (1 serving a day), and fruit (1 serving a day). Of course as you would imagine NO things like cakes, cookies, and candy (though they put it this way: Try to avoid these foods), but offer snack ideas like cheese, avocado, 70% dark chocolate, nuts.
I am keeping these guidelines in mind but also taking it a step further and actually tracking my carbs, if for no other reason to find out how many net carbs all the foods have. I like to know these things!
I'm starting off with just under 100g per day, but want to take it down to 50–75 in the coming week. I'm still kind of working things out in my pantry and figuring out meals and things.
I am happy to say that since Tuesday I have lost nine pounds!
This, of course is not usual, and I know that it won't continue falling off like that in the coming weeks. But it is really nice to be able to get this kind of result early on as a motivator. I've been struggling in the mid-low 320s for quite a while and I just couldn't get myself beyond that; even worse that I was starting to gain again. I weighed in at 321.6 this morning, a number I haven't seen since mid-November. Very pleased about that!
It turns out that one of the most surprising things is I am responding well to is having some limitations. It takes a lot of the guesswork out of what I am going to eat for any given meal, for instance. I've known for a long time that I had a serious problem with sugary and white carby-stuff, and I also know the damage those foods can do to your system and it seems silly to me now that I just kept on and kept on eating way too much of them anyway and all it was doing was making me feel awful. My body deserves much better than that. I say this all the time – I want to grow older as a healthy, vibrant person who can climb mountains as an 80-year-old. Or something like that. You get the idea.
I have had a small bit of white carbs since Tuesday (pasta with the meatballs I made yesterday, and ate some, but much less than I ever had in the past, and fitting them into the overall carb count. I haven't had cravings for sweets like I usually do, so this whole thing has been, dare I say, easy? There are times when I get a little hungry, but I am practicing being with the hunger and knowing that I've had adequate nutrition each day (my meditation practice helps with this a lot).
That is not to say that I never think about things that are pretty much off the list, but when I do I tend to turn that thought over to they are basically poison in my system and I don't really want them after all. The idea of giving my body food that it needs and will flourish when fueled with it is really appealing. I want to lose weight, yes, but I also want to take good care of myself. As much as I can muster. That is the priority.
I'm doing my best not to get too enthused so early on. I know myself. But I will enjoy how things are going so far, and continuing to do my best to keep it going.
So anyway, I've been busy writing, including my thoughts about losing weight and all the stuff I generally write about around here, but letting myself be even more whiny than I would allow here. I edit my writing much more, whereas at 750words I am just totally unfettered. It's a nice place to be able to go to.
Lots has happened since I last wrote. As you may remember, I had found myself back in the groove and was doing pretty well, feeling good about things. Then somehow – and maybe it was being on vacation for eleven days – I just kind of lost it and ended up this past Tuesday finding myself up to 330 pounds. Truly horrifying.
The good news is that this past week was also the start of a 12-week weight loss study I am participating in. Just in time, too – I needed some sort of structure to rein myself in. Also, it is something that is bigger than me. I want to follow their guidelines so that they get accurate data, and honestly I feel like my brain did a total 180 because they way I am relating to food has completely changed since Tuesday. It's something that I have not quite experienced before in all my experiences with this stuff.
Originally I had signed up for a depression and anxiety study with 23andMe for which I would get a free genetic report including ancestry information, the thing that I was most interested in. (Turns out that I am exactly what I thought I was – a little more than half Irish, and half German and literally nothing else.) A few weeks ago, they offered the chance to be part of weight loss study which I jumped on immediately. Participants could choose from a few different options, and knowing how well my body seems to respond to it, I went for the low-carb option. I'm also supposed to be more active, another thing I am working on anyway.
For the study, they make general suggestions on what to eat rather than say, "Eat only 50g of carbs each day." So I am looking at focusing on mostly eating lean proteins and non-starchy veggies with limited amounts of red meat, grains (1 serving a day), and fruit (1 serving a day). Of course as you would imagine NO things like cakes, cookies, and candy (though they put it this way: Try to avoid these foods), but offer snack ideas like cheese, avocado, 70% dark chocolate, nuts.
I am keeping these guidelines in mind but also taking it a step further and actually tracking my carbs, if for no other reason to find out how many net carbs all the foods have. I like to know these things!
I'm starting off with just under 100g per day, but want to take it down to 50–75 in the coming week. I'm still kind of working things out in my pantry and figuring out meals and things.
I am happy to say that since Tuesday I have lost nine pounds!
This, of course is not usual, and I know that it won't continue falling off like that in the coming weeks. But it is really nice to be able to get this kind of result early on as a motivator. I've been struggling in the mid-low 320s for quite a while and I just couldn't get myself beyond that; even worse that I was starting to gain again. I weighed in at 321.6 this morning, a number I haven't seen since mid-November. Very pleased about that!
It turns out that one of the most surprising things is I am responding well to is having some limitations. It takes a lot of the guesswork out of what I am going to eat for any given meal, for instance. I've known for a long time that I had a serious problem with sugary and white carby-stuff, and I also know the damage those foods can do to your system and it seems silly to me now that I just kept on and kept on eating way too much of them anyway and all it was doing was making me feel awful. My body deserves much better than that. I say this all the time – I want to grow older as a healthy, vibrant person who can climb mountains as an 80-year-old. Or something like that. You get the idea.
I have had a small bit of white carbs since Tuesday (pasta with the meatballs I made yesterday, and ate some, but much less than I ever had in the past, and fitting them into the overall carb count. I haven't had cravings for sweets like I usually do, so this whole thing has been, dare I say, easy? There are times when I get a little hungry, but I am practicing being with the hunger and knowing that I've had adequate nutrition each day (my meditation practice helps with this a lot).
That is not to say that I never think about things that are pretty much off the list, but when I do I tend to turn that thought over to they are basically poison in my system and I don't really want them after all. The idea of giving my body food that it needs and will flourish when fueled with it is really appealing. I want to lose weight, yes, but I also want to take good care of myself. As much as I can muster. That is the priority.
I'm doing my best not to get too enthused so early on. I know myself. But I will enjoy how things are going so far, and continuing to do my best to keep it going.
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