Setbacks and Emotional Eating

Today I am kind of the mindset that I just don't want to watch what I am eating. Sort of like a petulant child – I don't wanna! I guess we all have our moments and I am really not into beating myself up about this stuff anymore, but I am also SO sick of being stuck where I am, too. Obviously, these two things conflict like nothing else.

Last week I had a few goals set for myself and I did well.

• Remove obvious sweets from my diet
• Get at least 30 minutes of exercise in every day
• Keep my weekday routine into the weekend (i.e. no "off" day like I usually do after official weigh-in)

The first two were almost effortless. Between time at the gym, the start of No Boundaries, and PT sessions, it was easy. The morning habit has really caught on. I am not really a morning person, but I'm finding getting up and starting my day in a physical way easier and easier, not to mention more fun.

I'm on the search for the perfect upper body workout, and to alternate with it, something for my core. Need to do more research and really wishing I could find my old workout log from when I was working with a trainer last year. :(

The sweets things wasn't too bad, although I guess I cut it a little short by getting myself the best ice cream cone ever on Saturday morning after my Delaware Park workout with my running pals. (Yes, I walked though.) Can I tell you about it? Anderson's is a locally owned chain that is known for its beef on weck sandwiches and its homemade ice cream. My favorite flavor from them is Orange Chocolate, but alas! It is very seasonal (I guess around Easter time) and I almost never find it. So sad. However, I might have a new favorite and its name is Brownie Fudge. I had it in a chocolate-dipped waffle cone and I savored every single lick and bite. So there.

But see... maybe this is my problem, do you think? Look, I am not into depriving myself or making any food forbidden, though. I do understand that eating an amazing ice cream cone is going to slow down my progress, and I am (mostly) OK with it. So torn.

Still, you know, I feel pretty good about having maintained my 100 pound loss for a few months now. I weighed in at 272 on Sunday morning. So what if I could have been down to 250 by now?

Anyway.

Yesterday started out innocently enough, but I was waylaid by some terrible news. An old, dear friend of mine was killed in a motorcycle crash on Saturday night. I found out by scrolling through Facebook on late Sunday morning while waiting for some Mexican takeout. I was shocked. I was and still am so, so, so sad.

I am one of those people who tends to eat more when she is sad or upset, and yesterday was no exception. I had lunch which was fine, but on top of that I stuffed Cheetos in my face with abandon, had a big bowl of ice cream (which, quite frankly, I didn't even enjoy that much), some gorgeous and delicious artisanal peanut butter cups and a nice glass of bourbon. It was a binge to be sure, though it could have been worse. Really. Still, it was something I hadn't planned on and was a bit of a disappointment. Today I'm doing, I'd say, so-so. Not bad, not great. I'm trying to hold it together.

Plans for the week:

• More exercise every day!
Monday – one hour at the gym
Tuesday – PT (a.m.) and NoBo (p.m.)
Wednesday – gym
Thursday – gym  NOPE, opted to sleep in
Friday – PT  NOPE, had appointment with sports doctor
Saturday – NoBo
Sunday – not sure yet, but something like a walk, a hike, a bike ride... NOPE, no good reason

• Two weeks without sweets starting tomorrow – already messed that up today. NOPE, just didn't happen.

• A visit to the nutritionist on Wednesday! This should be productive and informative.

You guys. I am really missing running. Walking is good, but it's just not the same. No adrenaline rush, that is for sure. This morning I fudged a little and when I was treadmilling it at the gym I really lightly ran for a few intervals, like a 16-ish pace. The softer surface of the treadmill felt less destructive, anyway. But walking still feels worse than the running motion. I can't wait to see what the sports doc says about that.

I am also considering joining LA Fitness again on top of my membership at Best Fitness, mainly because I want the option of working with my old trainer, and I want access to the pool and to classes like yoga and Zumba. Since I spend so little at Best, I figure this is doable especially if I wait until the start of the new year to sign up with LA and use my insurance perks for it. I'm pretty excited about going swimming especially after being such a weirdo about it last year because of how my body looked. Newsflash: OVER IT. I just love that I don't give a crap anymore about how others might see my body. My body is not there to garner approval or scorn, so everyone can just screw it. (I know, I don't have to be so mean about it, I guess.)

Finally, I have decided to not even do the six-mile walk I was signed up for later this month. Originally I was going to the 10K trail run, then the walk they offer, and now? The 2.5 miles I walked in the park on Saturday left my knee hurting, so I can't even imagine doing six again anytime soon. I am sad about this but also now I have something extra special to look forward to next year, when I will be stronger and faster.

So that's where I am – complicated and wordy as ever.

I'm still in it.