Two Years Later

Well, it was two years ago yesterday that started blogging about my weight loss and fitness journey (again)! I'm very happy that I am more or less still at it, which is definitely a record for me – even if I haven't really lost any more weight since late last year. Still, I have managed to maintain the majority of the 100+ pounds I lost, and I'm very happy about that; even better is that I am still living an active lifestyle filled with running, tennis, and more. Things have definitely changed a lot for the better. Perhaps best of all is the feeling that I never, ever want to go back to where I was two years ago. I simply cannot.

I feel like this is a good time to reset and rethink what is important to me and what my goals are. Back then, here were a few things I talked about (in blue), and where I'm at now (in ).

• I am hoping to avoid having to take medications for things like high blood pressure and dia-beet-us. I want to stop feeling tired all the time.
I am no medications except birth control. I have normal readings on bloodwork and blood pressure. When I am tired, it's usually for a good reason.

• I will be checking in with my doctor on a more regular basis, and I will take his advice.
I have done this, and will continue to do so. My last appointment recently went very well!

• I will continue to take all my vitamins every day.
I don't do this as regularly as I once was, though I took vitamin C every day during the winter and spring to try to avoid colds – I don't know if that's what did it, but something worked!

• I will continue to drink lots and lots of water every day.
I usually drink at least 8 glasses each day. My diet soda habit did creep back in, though – thinking about nipping that again.

• I will continue going to the gym regularly and build strength and endurance.
Not the gym, but exercise has been a regular part of my life since I wrote this two years ago. I run and walk year-round and play tennis when the weather allows (May through October or so). Other stuff catch as catch can, like yoga and strength training.

• I will continue working on being happy and being a good person.
This might be my biggest challenge in some ways! I got a big pep talk from my partner about this today and I'm still trying to make this a thing in my life. 

• If I mess up, I will pick myself up and try again, and never stop trying.
This has been, hands down, the most important piece. I have never stopped trying. I always get back up. There is no other option!

Last evening when we were playing tennis, I kept noticing my shadow and thinking about how big it looked and how that made me unhappy – that here I was, months later, still wearing the same clothes that I did playing tennis last season, not having made any progress. Still seeing a shadow that, to me, looked like someone built like a truck. (This is one of those awful things I say to myself – "You're built like a truck!" Not very nice, I know. I should stop it.) Then, taking that and looking at it like, Oh hey, you're still able to wear the same clothes you wore last summer! I don't think I could always count on that in the past, you know? As in, I'd get too big for stuff?

I want to get too small for the clothes I have now. I've been comfortably wearing three pairs of dress pants and a few pairs of jeans since last year. When I dipped into the 260s, those were starting to get too big and I remember being so excited to grow out of them... until I wasn't anymore.

Right now I'm really just looking at 20 pounds I definitely want to lose, so that I am back down to the lowest weight I've been on this leg of the journey. In the big picture, 20 pounds is really nothing. Easy. Then another 10, and so on.

By the end of the summer, I want all those pants to be falling off me. I want to be able to wear my tennis outfit from Tory Burch and the couple of cute tennis skirts I have more comfortably. I don't care how many pounds that is... in the simplest terms:

I want to HAVE to buy new pants because all 

the ones I wear now are too big.

Catching Up with...

My life, lately. (I love my Bitmoji!!!)

I don't know how many times I will need to say it, but...

I am still here. (Hi, Jewel!)

You guys, it's been hard to stay on top of things lately. In some ways I've done all but truly let go, yet I still have hope that I will really get back on track in the way I need to. It's been challenging for a number of reasons:

• General not-exactly-depression

• Lack of confidence

• Very busy and stressful at work (I got a promotion and we've been in the middle of one of two of the busiest times in our industry)

• Wanting to eat ALL the food (and often doing it)

• Pure laziness

• Being sick of tracking every aspect of my life and so stopping doing things like logging on MyFitnessPal, etc.

• Not writing as much here

Fellows NoBo 3.0ers Kristen, Josh, and me before the 10K!

At the same time, I've kept up with running on and off – though admittedly totally off the past week since I ran my first 10K last Saturday. I did well, at least in that I finished and ran the whole thing except for a few steps going through the two water stations. I didn't make my goal of finishing in less than an hour and a half – my official time was 1:34:19 (15:13 pace). BUT my app time had me at slightly less time for slightly more distance and an average pace of 14:47, so apples to apples, I guess. I was pleased!

But wow! It was killer. Just around mile 5 I started to hit the wall and didn't think I could finish, but at the same time with about a mile to go, how could I not, right?

The bad news is that my weight has creeped up to beyond that RED zone I talked about previously, as in about 287. Bad, bad, bad news indeed. I just can't go back to the way I was. I won't let it happen.

Work will be easing up a bit soon, so that will help; we've also started playing tennis again pretty regularly AND I've signed up to mentor the No Boundaries running program starting in June. I need to stay active and I need to get a hold of my eating. I'm thinking that I probably need to get back to logging my food again and just being more mindful. If I do that, I'll be OK. I'll start weighing daily for a while, again, too. Anything to get my mind back in the place it needs to be.

There are so many reasons why I want to continue to lose weight. I've worked too hard to get where I am today (or, a few months ago, anyway).

May Days

I am still here! Kind of.

I'll admit, things have been all kinds of up and down. I haven't been running regularly or even walking. My eating has been... a bit like my politics, that is, pretty darned liberal. As a result, I'm still hovering around the 280 mark, though once in a while I dip back down to 275 (like I did last weekend). I'm hyper aware of it all but also felt like I really needed a break. I even stopped using MyFitnessPal – the app and everything. I'm not sure if it's temporary, we'll see. My account is still there.

That said, I have run two races in the past few weeks (a 5 mile trail run and a 5K), and I'm scheduled for my first 10K race this Saturday! So all is not lost. I don't feel super prepared for the 10K, but I have run the distance before so I know I can do it. At the very least the course is flat and picturesque, along the Niagara River. All I have to do is run a 5K twice in a row!

I've been meaning to write race reports for both races and just haven't felt like it yet.

In general I've been kind of blah, but I have high hopes for the coming weeks – if nothing else, we'll be playing tennis again starting this week and that will get me active on a very regular basis again. I am really looking forward to that!

For now I will just leave you with the victory bathroom selfie I took after last week's 5K. I had forgotten to bring my phone to the race, the horrors! So I had to wait to get home, but whatever! The smile says it all.

Post-Envirun in Niagara Falls!