Mixed Signals

January has come to a close – hooray! Only a couple more months of potentially winter weather.

I will also be happy to update my "data" page with a loss for the first time in a while – double hooray!

February, the shortest month of the year, thank goodness, because it looks like it might be the brokest as well. That's never much fun, but I'll figure it out, like I always do.

Things have been going OK. Weight-wise, after that initial 10-, 11-pound loss, I haven't budged, just bouncing from 317 to 318 to 319 to 322 to 319 to 318 and so on. (I'm not going to lie, that 322 really freaked me out and it happened unjustifiably, as it sometimes does.) Today I'm 318 and change, which is fine for now.

To be honest, after some of that bouncing I got a little pissed off and have been eating a little more carby. It hasn't really hurt anything, but it hasn't helped, either. ALTHOUGH! I suspect that being in PMS mode has something to do with the stall. This has happened to me enough to know that it is very likely, in fact. Fun times! But at least an explanation.

At first I didn't consciously know why, but now I do: I ate and ate today probably just for that reason. Hormones. Not that it's an excuse, but you know. It's hard to beat hormones. I had a Bagel Wednesday bagel for breakfast (we get free bagels on Wednesdays at work), poppyseed with cream cheese, and then for lunch it all fell apart, kind of. I think part of the problem was hormones, yes, and then the other part of the problem was that my boss called just before I was about to head out to get some lunch, and by the time we got off the phone an hour later, I was SO. HUNGRY.

And I had planned on doing a little bit of grocery shopping on my lunch break and probably just get something at the store. The problem with doing that when you're hungry and PMSing is... well, you know what the problem is. You lose the ability to make intelligent decisions. In fact, in a state like that you make completely drive-based decisions, amirite?

I ended up getting the ingredients I didn't have in the house to make these cookies sometime soon. (Seriously, they are exactly the kind of cookie I would make if I invented a cookie recipe.) I also got a big pack of fresh raspberries on sale (the lowest carb fruit!), a packet of fresh mozzarella cheese sticks wrapped in prosciutto (like no carbs, but I wasn't a huge fan so only had two pieces), a pint of amaretto with amarena cherries gelato (dear god, I love this stuff so much but why on earth did I buy it???) and a couple other non-edible items.

The gelato was the first ice cream-type stuff I've eaten in at least three weeks, which is like an eternity in AmyTime. It was delicious and I'm trying not to feel bad about it. I'm not going to feel bad about any of it, really. It was an event. I lost my mind temporarily. It's not the end.

I'm on the fence about the carb thing. I don't understand how something like sweet potato or black beans can be considered a food that I shouldn't eat. Those two things in particular – I can't get my head around it. I mean, I get it, they have lots of carbs. But they're GOOD for you! I'm pretty sure that I am still going to pay attention to carbs for most of the time. I do think that the low-carb approach to eating IS good for my particular body. But, it's not always convenient and I don't like, I really hate, eliminating whole groups of foods from my diet. I do. I also can't get around that.

So anyway, I am still more or less doing the weight loss study but I am obviously not being perfect about it.

One thing I can tell you about eating that pint of gelato: It is not making me feel good! Not that I feel sick physically or anything, but I do feel bogged down and yuck. Mentally, of course, there are consequences as well. At the very least I can see it as a reminder of the fact that eating foods like that on the regular is not good for me in more ways than one! This is not a feeling I want to have. A-ha!

I had a co-worker who was into bodybuilding and stuff, and she would keep a really strict eating regimen most of the time. But, she and her boyfriend would plan to have a total go-all-out day and eat whatever they wanted one day each month. Thinking about how these past few weeks went for me, I wonder if something like that is workable.

If you've been reading my blog for any length of time, you know that I change my mind a lot and try different things according to what feels right and what feels like it will work best for me at any given time. It's nice to keep things fresh and prevents boredom, for sure. And because I am in this for life, that's an important thing.

Despite these mixed signals I'm throwing at my body right now, I'm not giving up by any stretch. But I guess I am taking a bit of a break today.

Onward!