Restless

Hi. I'm working on it.

Ergh, I've been feeling restless. When you have all these physical changes going on, I suppose it's only natural that some other stuff starts bubbling up, too. Lately I have been feeling a little bit of... discontent? Maybe? Not in a bad way, but just in a I feel like I should be doing something else kind of way. The stupid thing is, I am not even sure what that means. I am genuinely happy and grateful for everything I have that makes up the whole of my life: My relationship, my family, my job(s), my studio... yet somehow it seems like something is missing, or that I could make something better somehow.

Part of it is coveting and envy, like just having read this delightful post over at Design*Sponge about a newly-purchased home in upstate New York. It was so fun to look at and sense the pure joy experienced by the writer and her wife. It's the exact kind of house I would like to live in one day. It sort of gave me pangs to read it.

At the same time, I started thinking about my own pretty little house and what things could be done to make it even more dreamy. Since we moved in seven years ago, we haven't done a whole lot of improving or changing. It kind of makes me sad that's the case. So maybe reading the blog post was what I needed to kick start some sort of meaningful project for the house. Maybe even just a new coat of paint in one of the rooms to start. Maybe it's finally doing something cool with the upstairs or the basement. I don't know.

Another part of my discontent is with my art practice, or lack thereof. Maybe that is the problem – that I haven't been making time for the studio in favor of my focus on my body and my health, which is a major project unto itself. Maybe I ought to prioritize some time to paint or draw. (After all, I am an artist!)

I suppose the last layer of this perceived discontent is just with my body, period. Of course I am thrilled with the progress I have made in the past year, but I JUST CAN'T WAIT until I get to where I am going. I am super psyched about it.

BUT I have to be patient and I have to enjoy the ride there. Some days it's hard to be patient and I just get frustrated with myself, even if there is no logical reason to be frustrated.

When will I get there?

I don't know, but I will get there.