Feeling More Normal (Kind Of)

Me among the other amazing mentors and coaches in the No Boundaries program at Fleet Feet Sports in Buffalo.
(I am in the center with arms crossed – not sure what that was about!) Folks I have mentioned in this blog include Angela, who is seated in purple; Liz, who's got the red headband; Jewel, next to Liz with the sliver of turquoise shirt; and Pat, who is next to Liz and Jewel! I love those ladies – with the exception of Jewel, they were MY mentors when I first started running and have been so supportive and encouraging along the way.)

It's a relief to get back to feeling more like myself again this week. It's been pretty busy and I've been more social than usual, so maybe that's been helping. On Monday, I took a friend out for lunch to celebrate her birthday (and because I was a no-show at her party, being all depressed and stuff that weekend); Tuesday not only did I go to the No Boundaries "graduation" walk/run and party after work, but went with my partner to a good friend's house for an impromptu get-together complete with yummy Christmas cookies, Utz pretzels, and bourbon; yesterday I had an amazing lunch with my running friend and mentor, Angela at an amazing new taco place downtown called Deep South (and boy, do I love their branding as well!!!) AND a fun run after work AND my company party after that...

Even though I've been having a lot of fun, there is no question that this (mostly) introverted gal will enjoy a couple quiet evenings at home tonight and tomorrow. 

Most importantly, I am starting to be active again this week. I'm not going to go whole hog just yet after my week+ hiatus, but I've already gotten in two days' worth with another planned for Saturday morning, at the very least. I may squeeze something in tomorrow morning, but maybe not. I'm OK with that. When I first started on this journey, I simply wanted to go to the gym once a week and make that a habit. Gradually (very gradually, in fact) I built that up to five or six times a week, and some weeks something every single day! In the summer when we were playing tennis, that happened a few times. I have been doing things I enjoy. 

But almost two weeks ago, I just crashed. I found myself feeling exhausted both physically and mentally, and finally one Friday when I just couldn't drag myself out of bed to make a very early PT appointment or even go to work, I decided to take a break from everything. I just needed to. I was totally burned out. 

At the same time, I haven't been eating as carefully as I had been, so the combo of the two has equaled some weight gain, but I am back to hanging out in my plateau territory which isn't the worst place to be. It's just not the best, when I was finally making good progress in November. 

Still, taking that exercise break was important. I know that now. I refuse to feel bad about any of this. 

This week I am feeling more like itchy to get back to running and really enjoyed my first run in a couple weeks last night. I did two miles and it didn't feel hard – not that it is ever easy, but it just felt good. I was so happy to be back out there and know that I haven't lost all my fitness or endurance or progress in general. I can still run two miles without thinking too much about it! 

On Saturday morning I'll be meeting up with a bunch of running pals and my goal is to crank out a 5K distance. If I fall short, it's fine, but I will definitely do two miles. Either way, it'll be good to see my friends and it'll be good to move my body. Plus, with the weather having been so unseasonable in the best possible way, it's silly not to take advantage of that! It's almost Christmas and we in the Buffalo region still have yet to see any meaningful snow at all. I don't mind a lick. 

In the past two weeks I have had two running dreams! The last one I had the other night was incredible. I seemed to be in some mountainous area that reminded me of where I spent some time in southern California, in the San Jacinto Mountains. I was quite simply gliding along, almost flying, being propelled by my arms as I ran. In the dream I remember saying to myself how easy and comfortable it felt, even though I was going at a good clip. 

I don't know what else to say about it except that I feel lucky that I was able to experience that, even if in a dream. I guess it gives me something to aim for and I see it as a signal to keep doing the work that is going to get me to that point. I think it is my subconscious telling me to absolutely not give up, because the rewards will be so worth it. 

So, I will be sticking around for a long while.