Just Like Starting Over

Helloooo!

Anyone still out there?

*crickets*

I guess y'all probably imagined that I just totally gave up on things, and honestly? You'd be at least partially right. I kind of did there, for a few months. Sad to say, mad to say, but true. Yesterday became the breaking point, though, and my partner and I decided that we really need to get back to healthier eating and a better lifestyle in general again, and it starts... not Monday, nope. It starts today.

This morning was a pretty lazy one and I wasn't out of bed until 11 or so, but I made up for it as soon as I was up and running, starting with tidying up the kitchen some, including cleaning up the fridge a bit and taking inventory. I threw out the last of my latest bag of gummi bears, but parsed out the rest of my party-sized bag of Smartfood (cheddar cheese popcorn) into baggies of single servings. I worked on piles of stuff around the house – mostly sorting mail into the recycling – and started a load of laundry. I figured out what to make for dinner (pork chops and sweet potatoes) and mowed the front lawn. Once I got to the tiny, now jungle-like back yard, the mower crapped out and I couldn't get it to restart so I'll try again tomorrow evening. I swept the grass clippings.

I'm basically trying to create a relatively clean slate for myself. "Today is the first day of the rest of my life," etc. I'd been becoming more and more frustrated and angry about things being harder to do in my daily life again. I was super disappointed to be breathing more heavy taking a flight of stairs. I'm embarrassed and disgusted that bathroom stuff is difficult again. Like, WTF?

We've been eating all willy-nilly lately and drinking pretty liberally, too. Neither activity is very helpful to feeling good. My lunches have been out of control – i.e. getting take out every day – not good for the belly fat nor my bank account.

First step was getting a list together of dinners that we like and that are healthy and relatively low-cal, which for us at this point is anything below 1000 calories. I've resolved to get Subway for lunch once or twice a week but to not get cookies. I usually get a turkey breast or roast beef sub with all the veggies topped with red vinegar, so I'm good with that. It's something I really enjoy and it fits pretty well into the kind of lifestyle I want for myself. On the rest of the days, though – I really need to get that figured out. Portions will be important. My partner is planning to go back to having a can of beans (pinto or red or pink) for his lunches, and I think I might do the same along with a serving of brown rice and some avocado or something. Variations on that sort of thing. Veggies too.

I haven't been eating breakfast at all but I don't think that's been working well for me, because by the time I eat lunch I'm super hungry and tend to overeat. A lot. Sometimes then I will skip dinner or have a "snack," but it all ends up being too much. I have done intermittent fasting in the past and liked it, but I think for now I am going to try the three square meals thing and see where it takes me. For breakfast I'm thinking overnight oats and things like eggs baked in muffin tins or something.

I've been drinking a lot of diet soda again, so I also want to make water a priority.

I'm not going to worry too much about adding exercise in just yet, but I do want to start taking walks again regularly.

The good news is that I have kept off a 30 pound loss for about three years. The bad news is that I'm starting at 342 pounds when not too long ago I was well under 300.

So. It's just like starting over. I'm mad at myself but I also know that I can do this.

I'm doing it because I need to feel better physically, first and foremost. Carrying around this much weight does not feel good. I'm excited to be on my way to healing myself again.