In Response To... Minimalist Suggestions

If you've been reading along recently, then you know that I've been thinking a lot about clothes lately, and how I'm aiming to streamline my wardrobe into something really user-friendly and completely non-stress inducing. 

One of the things I enjoy in relation to all this is reading certain minimalist blogs. I am totally all for minimalism and the impetus behind it. AM I an actual minimalist, though? Um... no. I like the idea of it but I live my days with piles of books and magazines on most flat surfaces and piles of clothes anywhere that makes relative sense (oh, you know, piled on any flat surface, including the floor. Oops!). Anyway, I was reading one of my regulars and this post, 3 Types of Clothes to Declutter Today made me want to write a response. 

Spoiler alert! The three types of clothes mentioned include holey clothes/clothes that need repair, aspirational clothes, and nostalgic clothes. As a whole, I agree with the sentiment -- in most cases these kinds of clothes are often good for nothing any more. But somehow I feel the need to defend them! Let me take each category one by one:

Holey or otherwise compromised clothes. The post mentions so-called "ethical" bloggers who learn how to repair clothing so as not to contribute further to landfill, and to give a new lease on the life of beloved pieces. I LOVE those people. I can sew! I'm not fully embroidering things like you see in the link, but I do made hand-sewn repairs from time to time -- like the inseam of my last pair of black leggings, or replacing a button on a shirt or cardigan. I don't have a big pile of to-be-repaired clothes, so I don't even know why I'm harping on this except that I don't see anything wrong with having a reasonable pile to work on while you're bingeing on The Handmaid's Tale or re-watching the entire series of Twin Peaks. (I finally watched the first episode of The Handmaid's Tale last night, by the way -- holy cow is it good. And super depressing. And then I took a candlelit bath in lavender epsom salts and went to bed.)

Aspirational clothes. I actually have aspirational clothes that have become nostalgic clothes, ha ha! But seriously, I guess in the back of my head I still have this thing where I really think that I am going to lose all the weight that I would want to lose if someone just snapped their fingers and made it happen, i.e. to become a size 12 or 14 or something, and so I just utterly refuse to donate or sell the items I have in my closets or in a lonesome pile somewhere that fall under this category. They include:

• Things I bought when I was semi-close to being able to wear them, but never made it (from years ago but also within the past two years)
• Things I bought when they weren't even close to wearable but were super cheap on sale that I was just like fuck it (thanks, Target)
• Things that I used to be able to wear and still love and just won't give up on (also nostalgic)
• Things that I just love whether I was able to wear them at one time or not that I have grown to love as objects

There's everything from band t-shirts to pretty dresses to elaborate kimono to wool pencil skirts and winter coats to pink corduroy pants. Maybe I'll photograph or even draw them one day and share. Hm, maybe that could be my next art project!

Wrapping things up... ah, nostalgia. My favorite!

Nostalgic clothes. The main pieces I am thinking of here are a couple handmades. (Yes! I used to sew my own clothes! Yes! I should do that again!) But there are also things that are pure luxe that I would just never part with like the Christian Dior bra (size 34B, LOLOLOLOL), and the pair of champagne-colored satin tap pants that was part of a set (I wore the bralette to death) that I bought at Victoria's Secret in my early-mid 20s. Then there is the very special pair of Doc Marten brogue ankle boots that I got at Trash and Vaudeville in New York City in the mid-90s for super cheap -- I think it was thirty dollars? They had calves hair that has now all but balded off and they look kind of a fright these days, but I will never, ever give them up. Ever. I have never seen another pair like them and will likely never again. They are a real part of my personal history. So in cases like that, you know... 

Screw minimalism. Am I right? 

Still, I am inspired to create a special place to store these special items instead of just having them randomly among things that would wear every day, or stuffed off in some closet. (By the way, I am LOLing again because what hangs in my closets are the things I never wear, while the things I do wear languish in piles of clean laundry (dirty gets thrown in the hamper, I am not a total cretin!).

My takeaway here is individual priorities. I think I have plenty of room for minimalism-inspired action in my life, but I do not have to let it dictate how I live, either.

Can I Tell You?

Can I tell you?

I'm having a moment where I just really don't want to write about weight loss anymore. Maybe this is just a temporary feeling, I don't know. I mean, I am still interested in losing at least a little more weight, to get down below 300 and stay there, but aside from that, I can't help but think,

What else is there to share that I haven't already over the past eight years?

I'm just on a continuous loop.

And I am a hypocrite. I hate diet talk, I hate all of it and yet I have been very much a part of that world for a long time. I want off  the merry-go-round.

So I don't know. I like this blog, pretty much everything about it – the design I created for it, its name and the implications of it. I like writing for the (semi) public and getting meaningful feedback once in a while. But maybe it is time to shift focus, finally?

Maybe I will just let it happen organically. Watch this space; who knows, I may go back on this by next week.

I realized yesterday that I have a viewpoint about fashion. It's very personal and I'm not heading out to review new collections, nothing like that. But the more I think about my body and my relationship to it, the more I think about my clothes and how to construct my wardrobe... well, I love fashion as much as I hate the industry.

I posted a little bit yesterday on my Instagram with some kernels of thought on where my wardrobe is headed. It's been on my mind almost obsessively since then. I wrote about it in my journal – wants, needs, plans, preferences – and I'll share it here.

All Black, All the Time.

I need to get over myself once and for all and fully embrace the fact that I really, really love wearing all black and that I feel at my most comfortable when I do. Is this because I am fat? I don't think so, because this has been a preference for a long, long time – since I started college, pretty much, maybe a little inkling of it toward the end of high school. I'm not trying to hide anything really – or maybe I am, but like whatever? You know? At the same time, all black is SO practical and easy (except for the constant battle with cat hair and lint. Some fabrics are worse than others!). I can put anything I own together and it makes an outfit. I can spill something on me and it's not a total disaster if I can't fix it right away. And, if I DO want to wear some color, it makes for great counterpoint/backdrop.

Much of my base wardrobe now IS black, but honestly? Not enough.

By the way, what happened yesterday was... I need to do laundry, and I pulled out a little dress that I haven't worn much at all. It's white with dark blue stripes and an empire waist. I paired it with some LuLaRoe patterned leggings and threw a black cardigan on top, but it just didn't work for me. I was stuck, though. Honestly I felt mentally uncomfortable all day even though the clothes were physically comfortable. Today? Same thing. I made the mistake of wearing a blue cardigan that is too tight in the arms and so the sleeves doesn't come down to my wrists and stay. I actually quite like the color, but the problem with this piece? It just doesn't fit well enough.

It's these two days in a row of wearing clothes out in public that has really made me realize how important it is to get my fashion house in order, once and for all.

Base Wardrobe.

Right now, my base wardrobe consists of:

• A half-dozen black jersey dresses from Old Navy
• A couple black fine-knit cardigans 
• A bunch of patterned LuLaRoe leggings and down to one pair of black leggings
• A cap-sleeved black cable knit buttoned-down vest-type thing
• A long-sleeved J. Jill black tee that is in desperate need of replacing
• A plum long-sleeved jersey tee (for layering underneath things)
• A long-sleeved flowy black thing that has one button at the top, kind of Japanese looking
• Two pairs of Hush Puppies suede boots, one black and one burgundy
• Two pairs of oxford shoes that I shouldn't wear anymore because of my foot troubles

I want to buy as much as I can from Universal Standard, but that will take time because quality don't come cheap! Regardless, here is my list of like-to-buys:

• Two or three more black leggings
• Three black crew-neck fine-knit cardigans. In the past I've bought them at Old Navy and Target, but ideally I'd like to up my game for higher quality since this is stuff I wear all the time
• One or two long-sleeved black crew neck tees from Universal Standard
• A few more black jersey dresses from Old Navy (sleeveless and long-sleeved)
• A pair of clogs
• A good pair of oxford shoes (something with good support, unlike the cheap ones I've had in the past)

I Want To...

• Start almost totally fresh
• Have mainly black core pieces and maybe other colors for layers
• Keep only my most favorite LuLaRoe stuff, try to sell or donate the rest
• Stock up on comfy, decent undies, bras, socks
• Build a cute bandanna collection
• Get a few more pieces of jewelry that I really like
• Buy one real quality piece for my wardrobe once every month or two (from places like Universal Standard)
• Have a "special clothes" container for stuff I have loved over the years but can't wear for whatever reason. Look, I just have stuff I don't ever want to give up, but it will be good to have it in a place separate from stuff that I do wear. #sorrynotsorry
• Stick pretty much with a uniform and not feel bad about it at all
• Play with color via accessories: Glasses, shoes, scarves/bandannas, nail polish, lipstick, even hair?

That's where I am for now. This weekend I'd like to finish sorting through all my clothes and be really discerning about what stays and what goes. Of course I'll be keeping enough for now to keep me dressed for a week without having to do laundry, LOL!

Will report back with an update. What are your feelings about clothes and getting dressed every day? I'd love to hear about your preferences, habits, and routines!

Just an Update

I kind of feel like I don't have much to say, but want to make a post anyway. Mainly, nothing much has changed since I last wrote which is OK, but also, like, really? Like I need/want to make some meaningful progress again already, but I am just not. Weight-wise I am more or less staying around the same. Last actual weigh-in on Sunday found myself at 333.2. Not great, but not terrible?

This past week we've had limited funds -- I'm transitioning from having lots of work, probably more than what was good for me, to just my full-time day job which makes for quite a difference in the budget -- and so cooking at home all the time and bringing lunches to work instead of getting take-out. Periods like this are kind of good in that it forces me to enact habits that I want to nail anyway (including not buying things I don't really need), but it's still kind of a bummer. I'm just really trying not to see it as a bummer. It's incentive.

And, after like a three-year hiatus, I'm truly itching to get back to painting, which would possibly replace all the other work I had been doing (mostly online teaching, plus freelance design work) and bring in the extra income I'd like to have. When I first lost my last full-time job back in late March, one thing I did was buy a bunch of small canvases and some other supplies with the intention of getting back into my studio practice, but it just never happened. So I have everything I need, and I love the idea of creating small paintings (we're talking in the neighborhood of 8" x 10") which are more affordable and easier for many people to justify buying for their home. Selling just a couple or few pieces each month would make a huge difference. So we'll see.

(Of course I want to clarify that making money isn't my only impetus to make art! Just a nice by-product that I'd like to exploit.)

So anyway.

I'm still dealing with massive foot pain, which now is creeping up my leg a bit to my knee, too. A nurse friend of mine recommended Oofos, which I remember seeing at my local running store back when I was doing that... so when I do manage to accumulate a bit of extra cash, I'm going to try them, at least at home.

What else? Nothing much else. Still making our way through Horror Movie October, which means I go to bed too late every night (midnight-ish instead of 10-ish). It is something we really enjoy doing together, though, even if it is a really passive activity, i.e. it's not tennis for sure.

More to come, I guess. Maybe tell me what you are up to?

Lazy Days / Deep Thoughts

Note: This first section was written a few days ago. I'm finally finishing the post today.

...I'm thoroughly enjoying being on vacation this week so far. I just really love being able to sleep in, or stay up late, or just sleep whenever it feels right. I love not having to get ready to go out and be presentable in public. I love just doing whatever I feel like doing on any given day. Staycations may not be the most exciting way to spend time off from work, but they can be very satisfying regardless.

I did put some activities on my calendar – things I wanted to get done while at home, to feel at least kind of productive. So far, I've done just a little and I'm OK with that. Late this morning I spent a little time in the basement breaking down some of the many, many boxes I'd had thrown down there over the past few years. I didn't get the whole lot done but enough to feel satisfying. Otherwise I've been cooking a bit and watching a LOT of movies, which quite frankly is one of my favorite things to do. In October, it's even better – we have a tradition of watching at least one horror movie every day during the month, and then finish it off with a viewing of the original 1978 classic Halloween. At the moment we've got the first Nightmare on Elm Street playing in the background.

Food-wise I'm doing OK. I'm mostly doing what amounts to intermittent fasting, I guess, waiting to eat my first meal until early afternoon. Today I tried a new recipe for sauteed pork chops with a crushed pretzel crust. Those were good and appropriately autumn-appropriate served with the roasted sweet potatoes and onions I put together, topped with some crisped (sauteed) sage leaves. I'm throwing together a homemade pizza in a little bit. So yeah, taking advantage of my free time to make as much food at home rather than rely on take out or fast food. I guess overall I can say that I'm feeling pretty good with the choices I'm making. I'm not indulging in "treats" too much, but I did get some bulk gummi bears (having a few at a time) and couple pints of ice cream (again, smaller portions over time, and a local brand of ice cream, Perry's, that is much less calorie-dense than something like Ben & Jerry's), and I'm having a couple-few beers here and there.

I landed on the decision to weigh myself every other Sunday, so that I am aware of what's going on but not obsessing with daily weighing. My last weigh-in put me a just under 330 (329.8), which is a couple pounds below last time. Still not where I was finishing up Whole30, but I'll take it.

There are other things on my mind, though! I've mentioned recently that I will be going back to school in January to begin coursework for an Associate's degree in Environmental Studies at a local community college, which I am really excited about! But lately since doing more research about where to take it beyond that, I'm even more so. Originally my thought was to continue on...

(Today)

to get a Bachelor's from the local state university, but I did more research and found that there is a program that offers more of what I am looking for, is completely online, and actually costs LESS per credit hour! So I'll likely go on to study at Oregon State U's online program pursuing either Environmental Sciences or Fisheries and Wildlife Sciences (see comparison of the two here, if you're interested!) I am soooo excited about my further education now that I've found these options, and I won't have to wrangle a crazy schedule between full-time work and getting to classes (many of which are NOT offered online locally – some are though, which is nice).

It's nice to have something major like that to look forward to, not to mention going into a field I never thought I would before a couple months ago. Part of that, I realize, is simply because I didn't even know that the jobs that many of my co-workers do even existed. (Scientists of all stripes, project managers, GIS specialists, etc. etc.)

My vacation is now almost over. It's Saturday and I'm a little sad, but because I do really like my job I don't mind going back too much. Getting dressed in the morning will be the worst part. I didn't get things done like I had kind of intended to in advance, but I did get down to the basement to tidy up a bit – broke down a bunch of boxes, sorted through some things that haven't seen the light of day in forever, put things in piles, etc. etc. That felt good. I still might do more before the weekend's over. But, I didn't do outside cleanup and I didn't do any cleaning inside, I didn't make any art... I basically just relaxed a LOT and watched a shit ton of horror movies (and some regular ones, too).

Since I started writing this post, my eating has been just kind of, whatdyacallit, normal? In other words, nothing extreme in any direction. Almost intuitive. I may get on the scale tomorrow morning or I may wait until next Sunday. It feels to me like I haven't gained anything and maybe dropped a pound or two. I still have aches and pains. My right foot has been really troublesome, I am suspecting plantar fasciitis and it's just not getting any better. My left arm/shoulder is still being stupid too and I am still mystified by what happened with that. The foot issue raised its ugly head a couple days into our cross-country trip in May, so I am assuming it was all the driving that caused it.

I do have health insurance now, but my employer only offers high deductible plans and so until my FSA kicks in come January (long story, but it is what it is) affording a doctor visit is not in the cards. That said, I know that losing some more weight would likely help my foot. (I'm in semi-denial about that, but whatever.) Either way, it's frustrating for multiple reasons, personal and political. I guess in the meantime ibuprofen will be my best friend. (I've been avoiding taking it most of the time, but last night it really did wonders, so...)

Ugh, well, I guess I will wrap this up so that I get something up and out. Maybe I'll head back down to the basement for a while.

Doing the Best You Can with What You Have... and Vacation!

A week later...

Not much is new. I haven't been quite getting to where I want to be, but I haven't been too off the rails (well, maybe a little bit). I have been doing a couple things on the positive side:

• Eating decent dinners
• Not snacking at night
• Food journaling 
• Drinking lots of water

I've been trying to eat fairly healthy, balanced dinners and not too much. It hasn't been too hard to not snack in the evenings, though I have been drinking (keeping it to two drinks usually!). The food journaling is nothing too elaborate, just jotting notes in my little book about what I ate and how I was feeling throughout the day (no calorie or macro counting or anything). Water is easy for me, and not only do I drink it throughout my work day pretty constantly, I also love me some grapefruit LaCroix to go with meals. It's pretty rare that I have a diet soda anymore, and I don't miss it.

That said, I am still trying to figure out breakfast, and I'm still eating too much (or just plain crap, or both) at lunchtime -- those are my big challenges right now. BUT, I have off from work all next week so I am hoping that I can establish a new routine/plan to carry out of vacation mode with me. I have ideas but I really just need to sit down and figure out execution. It will be sooo worth it.

Another thing that will be nice during my time off is maybe getting an exercise routine back in place -- or maybe, would that be too much to try to do all at once? Then again, a simple short walk every day shouldn't be hard to do when I have nowhere to go and nothing to do. OK, well... not nothing, but no big obligatory things, at least.

I'm really looking forward to getting caught up on some things! My tentative list:

• Outdoor Fall cleanup (my poor yard is a shambles)
• Painting (art!)
• Indoor Fall cleanup
• Sorting through clothes and getting rid of a LOT
• Sorting through our vast library, maybe "weeding", maybe just organizing

OR it could just turn out that I end up sitting on the couch watching tennis and movies all week long. LOL?

I guess not.