Can I Tell You?

Can I tell you?

I'm having a moment where I just really don't want to write about weight loss anymore. Maybe this is just a temporary feeling, I don't know. I mean, I am still interested in losing at least a little more weight, to get down below 300 and stay there, but aside from that, I can't help but think,

What else is there to share that I haven't already over the past eight years?

I'm just on a continuous loop.

And I am a hypocrite. I hate diet talk, I hate all of it and yet I have been very much a part of that world for a long time. I want off  the merry-go-round.

So I don't know. I like this blog, pretty much everything about it – the design I created for it, its name and the implications of it. I like writing for the (semi) public and getting meaningful feedback once in a while. But maybe it is time to shift focus, finally?

Maybe I will just let it happen organically. Watch this space; who knows, I may go back on this by next week.

I realized yesterday that I have a viewpoint about fashion. It's very personal and I'm not heading out to review new collections, nothing like that. But the more I think about my body and my relationship to it, the more I think about my clothes and how to construct my wardrobe... well, I love fashion as much as I hate the industry.

I posted a little bit yesterday on my Instagram with some kernels of thought on where my wardrobe is headed. It's been on my mind almost obsessively since then. I wrote about it in my journal – wants, needs, plans, preferences – and I'll share it here.

All Black, All the Time.

I need to get over myself once and for all and fully embrace the fact that I really, really love wearing all black and that I feel at my most comfortable when I do. Is this because I am fat? I don't think so, because this has been a preference for a long, long time – since I started college, pretty much, maybe a little inkling of it toward the end of high school. I'm not trying to hide anything really – or maybe I am, but like whatever? You know? At the same time, all black is SO practical and easy (except for the constant battle with cat hair and lint. Some fabrics are worse than others!). I can put anything I own together and it makes an outfit. I can spill something on me and it's not a total disaster if I can't fix it right away. And, if I DO want to wear some color, it makes for great counterpoint/backdrop.

Much of my base wardrobe now IS black, but honestly? Not enough.

By the way, what happened yesterday was... I need to do laundry, and I pulled out a little dress that I haven't worn much at all. It's white with dark blue stripes and an empire waist. I paired it with some LuLaRoe patterned leggings and threw a black cardigan on top, but it just didn't work for me. I was stuck, though. Honestly I felt mentally uncomfortable all day even though the clothes were physically comfortable. Today? Same thing. I made the mistake of wearing a blue cardigan that is too tight in the arms and so the sleeves doesn't come down to my wrists and stay. I actually quite like the color, but the problem with this piece? It just doesn't fit well enough.

It's these two days in a row of wearing clothes out in public that has really made me realize how important it is to get my fashion house in order, once and for all.

Base Wardrobe.

Right now, my base wardrobe consists of:

• A half-dozen black jersey dresses from Old Navy
• A couple black fine-knit cardigans 
• A bunch of patterned LuLaRoe leggings and down to one pair of black leggings
• A cap-sleeved black cable knit buttoned-down vest-type thing
• A long-sleeved J. Jill black tee that is in desperate need of replacing
• A plum long-sleeved jersey tee (for layering underneath things)
• A long-sleeved flowy black thing that has one button at the top, kind of Japanese looking
• Two pairs of Hush Puppies suede boots, one black and one burgundy
• Two pairs of oxford shoes that I shouldn't wear anymore because of my foot troubles

I want to buy as much as I can from Universal Standard, but that will take time because quality don't come cheap! Regardless, here is my list of like-to-buys:

• Two or three more black leggings
• Three black crew-neck fine-knit cardigans. In the past I've bought them at Old Navy and Target, but ideally I'd like to up my game for higher quality since this is stuff I wear all the time
• One or two long-sleeved black crew neck tees from Universal Standard
• A few more black jersey dresses from Old Navy (sleeveless and long-sleeved)
• A pair of clogs
• A good pair of oxford shoes (something with good support, unlike the cheap ones I've had in the past)

I Want To...

• Start almost totally fresh
• Have mainly black core pieces and maybe other colors for layers
• Keep only my most favorite LuLaRoe stuff, try to sell or donate the rest
• Stock up on comfy, decent undies, bras, socks
• Build a cute bandanna collection
• Get a few more pieces of jewelry that I really like
• Buy one real quality piece for my wardrobe once every month or two (from places like Universal Standard)
• Have a "special clothes" container for stuff I have loved over the years but can't wear for whatever reason. Look, I just have stuff I don't ever want to give up, but it will be good to have it in a place separate from stuff that I do wear. #sorrynotsorry
• Stick pretty much with a uniform and not feel bad about it at all
• Play with color via accessories: Glasses, shoes, scarves/bandannas, nail polish, lipstick, even hair?

That's where I am for now. This weekend I'd like to finish sorting through all my clothes and be really discerning about what stays and what goes. Of course I'll be keeping enough for now to keep me dressed for a week without having to do laundry, LOL!

Will report back with an update. What are your feelings about clothes and getting dressed every day? I'd love to hear about your preferences, habits, and routines!