Snippets

Well, it's been a minute. Or two.

I've been... busy? Kind of. Not really, to be honest. Mostly it's I've been in pain and a little sad and thinking a lot about writing but not having the energy (LOL) to do it. It's kind of ridiculous, but... it is what it is for now. I'll come back to that later.

In the interest of not falling off the face of the planet with this cherished personal space, I'm going to do random thoughts in list format. Fun, right?

+ Slow fashion. This is something that I've been thinking about a lot, as I have hinted at in past fashion-related posts. I would love to dedicate my closet to more eco and ethical brands of clothing one day, but I am still far away from that. Our local Kmart is closing, and I just bought two pairs of leggings, a dress, and a shirt for under $30. I plan to go back and hopefully score more leggings, actually ($4 each!)... but have mixed feelings about it. On one hand, this is disposable, "fast" fashion at its worst; on the other hand I suppose I could justify it knowing that I will wear the crap out of those clothes. Because my wardrobe is pretty small right now, anything I wear gets worn a lot, so I guess that is good. Those items won't go to waste.

+ The holidays. We don't really "do" the holidays so much at my house. Some years I will get the itch to throw up some decorations or even put up the tree, but some years not. This year I am feeling in-between. I still haven't put anything up yet, but have been wanting to bring out the couple little 2- and 3-foot trees I have and making some bourbon hot chocolate (with marshmallows!) and watch Rankin-Bass's Rudolph one night soon. I do have an evening with my mom planned for next Friday, just a casual take-out dinner in and probably watching bad Hallmark movies and just catching up on each other's lives. I miss that. My partner and I will get a nice ham for holiday dinner (not necessarily on Christmas or Christmas Eve) and aside from that, my dance card is empty, just the way I like it.

+ Chronic pain. Having pain all the time really, really sucks, and I've been feeling this way in some form or another since our cross-country trip in May. It's mostly about my feet but in general, all over, I hurt. It travels... sometimes it's more in this foot, or that toe, or that arm, or my back hurts as I am cutting up vegetables for dinner. I take ibuprofen regularly but try not to every day if I can help it. Waking up in the morning is when it's at its worst, and after I've been in the car a while, or getting up off the couch. I feel like I am 90. I do have my annual physical scheduled in early February so I am just waiting for that to get diagnosed with anything, or maybe it's just because I'm f**. (Trying to avoid spammers.) I know my doctor well enough now that I don't think he will just jump to that conclusion automatically, but you know, maybe it is the reason. It's just that I've been heavier than this and NEVER felt like this before. Also, my right hand cramps suddenly, often. I'm pretty sure that's carpal tunnel, but still. I am falling apart, in stark contrast to how I was feeling less than a year ago. It's so depressing. It makes me sad, and it makes me want to give up on everything and so I've been eating like crap, too. Catch-22. I've got to get off the carousel.

+ I love my job. I do. I am so happy that I found my way to this place. Professionally, I had a roller coaster year but it was all worth it. I had been unhappy in the two jobs I had (but didn't think I could live without), and while the way in which I extricated myself from them wasn't optimum, I finally let go (by getting let go) and I wish I had done it long ago. My only regret in that regard was not leaving on a good note in both instances. The job I am in now has inspired me to take my career in a different direction that I am really excited about, and allowed me more free time (my evenings and weekends are MINE to do with what I please!), and... I feel like I am doing something that matters, even on a small scale at this point. Plus, I've figured out ways to make the household budget work despite not working a second job anymore.

+ Speaking of budgets... For the past year or so, I've been working on improving my credit score and getting myself into a better position financially. I'm happy to say that one of my FICO scores has gone up by about 80 points (I hate that the three major bureaus are all different!) and I made good progress on paying off debt and! I even got my student loans out of default. (I know, stupid!!!) Another point of pride is that while I am still living paycheck to paycheck most of the time, I haven't overdrawn my bank account in a long time. That is something that used to be not such an unusual occurrence! My whole adult life I've never been good with money and have made a lot of bad decisions, so it feels good to be headed in the right direction. It's not happening super fast, but I'm getting there. (I still need to stop getting lunch out on weekdays, what a money suck!)

+ Wine and spirits. Yesterday I was making a recipe that called for a dry white wine, so I did a little research and ended up buying a ten buck California sauvignon blanc, Geyser Peak. It's the first time I've made a personal effort to drink this type of wine, and I must say, I really liked it! My partner hates California wines for some reason (he is very French, Italian, and Spanish-centric), but whatever. I'll try anything and I'm glad I tried this one. It had a bright, fruity flavor, not that dry to my palate. Plus, it went wonderfully in the shrimp risotto dish I made.

 I also decided to treat myself to some Cointreau while on the same liquor store trip. We're going to be making that bourbon hot chocolate that I mentioned earlier, soon, and I want to add a bit of orange flavor to mine. Perfection!

I'll leave you with those snippets of my life for now, and hope to be back soon! What have you been up to?