Vacation

I just got back this afternoon from a visit to New Hampshire to see my dad and stepmother. It was lovely! Since this blog has a particular focus, I will stick to related things, but I just want to do a quick shout out to Bill and Pam – I had a great time!

In addition to hanging out, going places, and doing things, I also managed to get two workouts in in order to keep up with my 5K training group schedule. Surprisingly enough, I did both first thing in the morning on Thursday and Friday – I am usually not a morning workout kind of person, but this way I figured I'd get it done and not have to worry about fitting it in later.

The thing about where they live is that it's pretty hilly. Not all big hills, though there are a couple, but still not really much level ground when I am walking from the house and down the road. So that made it extra challenging for me, and I am sure when I go back to "regular" landscape it will be that much easier. Hill training is great! It's just really hard. Surprisingly enough, my pace was still not too bad. In fact, on Thursday my first mile clocked in at 16:30, which is excellent for me. Otherwise I was around 17:00 on both days. I am pleased! Another tough factor was the temperatures, which were in the teens Fahrenheit. Of course I layered up as I have learned to do on my earlier group runs when winter was still in horrible full force, so the cold wasn't a problem. It's just annoying.

One of the big hills I conquered this week.

I had planned on fitting some yoga in while I was there as well, and even brought my mat with me, but it was not to be. That's OK.

The plan from here: catch up on my group work tomorrow (the run today that I missed out on), and make time for yoga.

My eating was pretty good while away. My biggest challenge is what I eat while on the road, as I tend to get pretty junky even when I plan ahead, like I did for the trip there. I still ended up stopping for some crap even though I didn't need it. Double ditto for the trip home. But, I half planned on it and I've logged everything and I'm moving on. I will jump on the scale tomorrow and see where things stand, but I'm not expecting much after today's junk fest. (I am abstaining from dinner, at least!)

I'd like to leave you today with a selection of some of the songs that really keep me going through the tough parts of my training workouts when I'm on my own. (We're not allowed to wear headphones on the group runs, and what makes those so great is the camaraderie from other participants and the coaching and encouragement from the mentors and coaches – I wouldn't want to miss out on that!) But yeah, here's some of what got me up those New Hampshire hills this week:

Sonic Youth, Hey Joni

Sleater-Kinney, Get Up and Dig Me Out

Jay-Z, Picasso Baby and Tom Ford

Beastie Boys, Sure Shot

Dead Can Dance, Frontier

Tricky, Brand New You're Retro

Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds, City of Refuge

Lil Kim, The Jump Off

Gary Numan, Cars

Ministry, So What

Luna, Rollercoaster

The Undertones, My Perfect Cousin

Roni Size Reprazent, Hi-Potent

Unwound, Murder Movies and Corpse Pose

IQU with Miranda July, Girls on Dates

Rounding Out the Week

Even though I am pretty beat, I'm feeling super good today, very accomplished. My 5K training group (NoBo) meets every Saturday morning for a run, and today's found us in just about perfect conditions near 40 degrees, NO SNOW OR ICE to navigate around, and the lovely scenery of Delaware Park in north Buffalo. Just wonderful. Today's workout was as follows: 46 minutes total (5 min W; ((4 min W, 2 min R) x 6)) 5 min W), so we are definitely working our run time up. My fellow Amy in the group, who also happens to go at a similar pace as I do, ended up joining me for an additional bit at the end so that we could finish out at 3.1 miles, or 5K, even. We ended up getting in over 50 minutes of walk/run, and it felt awesome!!! (Until I got out of my car upon getting home... oof! These bones are getting old for sure!)

The whole week was pretty good, exercise-wise. I ended up doing something every single day. Usually I aim for five days of activity, but on my rest day yesterday I sort of accidentally found myself doing the next installment of the C25K program I'd started long before NoBo began back in mid-February. Here's how the week rounded out:

Monday: NoBo homework. 40 minutes total (4 min W; ((4 min W, 1:30 min R) x 6)) 3 min W) plus an hour-long yoga class at the gym

Tuesday: NoBo group workout. 46 minutes total (5 min W; ((4 min W, 2 min R) x 5)) 5 min W)

Wednesday: A 34-minute yoga session. Day 2 of 30 Days of Yoga with Adriene

Thursday: NoBo homework. 40 minutes total (5 min W; ((4 min W, 1 min R) x 6)) 5 min W)

Friday: C25K, Week 6 Day 1. 36 minutes total (5 min W, 5 min R, 3 min W, 8 min R, 3 min W, 5 min R, 5 min W)

Saturday: NoBo group workout. 46 minutes total (5 min W; ((4 min W, 2 min R) x 6)) 5 min W) plus additional 5-7 minutes of run/walk.

Hot stuff for this girl! To think that I will be running a whole 5K at the beginning of May. I tell you what, I am starting to think that I will totally be able to do it. It just seems so out of reach today, but I will get there as long as I do the work.

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In other news, I am trying to de-stress and simplify my life in various ways. The other day, I made the rather rash decision to quit Facebook. After a mostly innocuous exchange with a friend of a friend that still kind of bugged me, I realized that this kind of stuff did get under my skin and made me worry and fret when I really didn't need to. While there are plenty of good reasons to stay on Facebook (like the NoBo group page), I just thought it would be good to walk away. So far, it's felt like nothing but a huge weight off my shoulders. I may end up going back and starting fresh – being really, really selective about who's on my list there (i.e. very close friends, family, groups I enjoy being part of), and leaving the rest behind. We'll see, but so far, I'm liking it.

I've also been reading a lot about capsule wardrobes and thinking about working on my own! I think this will be a great way to organize my clothes and get the most out of my favorite pieces. The blog where I first read about the concept, Un-fancy, is in my opinion the best place to get started if you're interested in seeing what it's all about. Of course, if you do an internet search for the term you'll find plenty of other sites to visit as well.

I do love fashion but since I'd gained so much weight I sort of gave up on my wardrobe to an extent. In the past I've really loved finding really cool, unique clothes to wear (I was into vintage and thrift shopping a lot in my teens and 20s), but it gets really hard to do that when you're so grossly overweight. Now, even having lost a portion of what I need to I see my options widening and I'm loving it – though I have to be careful not to go overboard because hopefully I won't be staying in any of the upcoming sizes for too very long. Gradually I've been picking through the piles of clothes I've amassed over the years and worn to death, making piles for the garbage and for charity. On the other hand, I have a bunch of clothes that I am and will be growing back into. I'll probably end up buying just a few new key pieces each season to supplement what I already have and go from there. I'm pretty excited!

My style tends to be on the classic side of things in many ways, though I love having a few "surprise" pieces that have a lot of personality. I also enjoy dressing things up with accessories, although, again – this is all stuff I mostly gave up on at my heaviest weight. It's such a joy to explore this side of my creativity again, though. I'm hoping to share some of my fashion adventures with you in the coming months. If you're curious, here are examples of things I would totally keep in my closet if I could snap my fingers: Finding my style on Pinterest

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Next week I'll be visiting my dad and stepmom in New Hampshire and continuing my efforts there. They live in a great area for walking and running (my stepmom said she has two- and four-mile routes mapped out with mile markers!), not to mention that Pam's got amazing and almost always coincidentally healthy cooking skills, so chances are I'll find myself dropping a pound or two on vacation. I broke through a plateau last time I was there in July, so we'll see what happens!

In the meantime, I was happy with this morning's weigh-in at 295, finally breaking out from the 296-299 range I've found myself in the past week or two.

It's all good. I'm keeping the pace.

The Good, the Bad...

The good.

The Good: 

I am alive. I am healthy. I am (pretty darned) happy overall. 

This morning on a whim I put on those size 22 dress pants I've held onto for over 10 years, hoping to be able to wear them again, and they fit! They're a tiny bit snug, but wearable with the right top. Finally.

I got a really nice haircut here on Friday. It was a little scary and I almost cried on the reveal, but I am really liking it now. I feel much more myself with a bob! And I'm learning how to use a wand! (i.e., I'm not very good at it yet, but I managed to get a little bit of extra wave in my hair this morning, as you can see above.) (If you didn't realize, my hair had grown about halfway down my back, so this was a big change.) 

On Saturday, my 5K training group met up in the morning at the lovely Chestnut Ridge park for our group run. I haven't been there in a long time, probably in fact not since my high school cross country team had a few practices and meets there – the hill training there is VERY challenging, to say the least. In fact, I'd consider Saturday's workout to be one of the most physically challenging I've had in recent memory. Tough stuff, but I made it through with the encouragement of my teammates and the fabulous coaches and mentors we have. Here's a photo of me at the end with Pat, the mentor who saw me through the last hill. Pardon the lipstick on my teeth, oops! Hey, I am keeping it real. Hard work is not always pretty, but it is always worth it.

Pat and me, after putting in 45 minutes and 2.63 miles in cold and sometimes icy conditions. Average pace was 17:18, which is awesome in my book!

I had a nice weekend. We had a good friend over for dinner on Saturday – so that day ended up being a very busy one filled with the morning run, wine shopping, grocery shopping, cleaning, and cooking! Phew! It is always nice to see our friend, but one thing that I loved especially on this visit was his very kind words about our home and how cozy it is. He said something to the effect of how when you walk in the door, it just feels like home – even though it's not! Reminding me once more about how lucky we are to have what we have.

The Bad: 

*sigh* I don't know. I've been trying desperately to right my eating. I do OK here and there, but there is so much room for improvement, and the scale reflects that. I'm just kind of stuck between 296 and 300 (though on Saturday after I got home from the group workout, I hopped on the scale for fun and got a 293 reading! Wow! Yet, I knew it was a fluke.). There are worse places to be, but I'd really like to make more definitive progress again. 

The Good:

On the flip side of that, I also had an appointment with my GP on Friday. For the first time in a while, my blood pressure is normal! And I brought it down from the danger zone with no medication. Yes, I did have a prescription for Lisinopril, but I never wanted to take it and I just knew I could "fix" it myself. Basically, I got an A+ from my doctor all around... my recent bloodwork came through fine, too. Progress comes in many guises, and I really value this kind. On a side note, I also asked my doc about loose skin. He seems to think that my skin looks to be in good shape that I may be surprised at how resilient it might be when all is said and done. I asked whether he thought that moisturizing would be helpful (I thought it was kind of a stupid question), and he said yes – so I have decided that it's not going to hurt to be diligent about nightly body moisturizing and see if it helps. He also mentioned that staying hydrated will help, too. Well, I have that under control, at least! 

I'm continuing my yoga and meditation practice. Recently I found the lovely Adriene and she is so great – perfect for my ability level and with a really down-to-earth personality. Among my goals for practicing these are to get in better touch with my mind and with my emotions – I tend to stress out pretty easily, and have a bad habit of snipping when I shouldn't (especially at my partner, whom I value and love and who deserves better). While I am still far from perfect at controlling myself, or holding an awareness, I do think it's making a difference. Of course I am happy to reap the physical benefits as well – becoming stronger, building stamina, balance, and flexibility. It's been wonderful. 

Other thoughts:

I feel like I am at a crossroads in many ways. I've been at this juncture before, and in the past I've retreated and ended up back where I started. I am determined NOT to do that this time and all I can do is keep trying and keep being mindful of my actions and thoughts and make the most of everything. I have to stay positive. I have to want the best for myself. 

So hard.

It's just been really hard. I'm trying to stay positive.

I won't give up, but DAMN.

Ugh.

The Cruelest Month

Argh, so many thoughts lately.

So, February has turned out to be a wash, a maintaining month. This is the first month in which I haven't shown a loss from the first day to the last day. (OK, I know today is the second to last day of the month, but I doubt things will change drastically between today and tomorrow.) Sure, I've juggled all the numbers in between 296 and 302 pounds, but today I found myself weighing in at 298, which is what I weighed at the beginning of the month. My first reaction seeing the number on the scale this morning was to get pissed off. I didn't let that feeling linger, though. I tried to frame it in a different way so that I could move on and keep making progress, instead of feeling discouraged and wanting to give up.

For one thing, I know that I might be taking my "I eat whatever I want and just fit it in" attitude a little too far, just in that because of one thing or another, I'm doing less cooking at home and buying more "treats" "just to have on hand" at the store. It might fit in my calories on any given day, but I am not getting the nutrition I should, and honestly, I think it's not helping me any to lose weight. So many folks out there spout the "calories in, calories out" philosophy, but I gotta tell you, as much as I would like to believe in it, I'm not sure I can. I have a feeling that if I start incorporating more whole foods – veggies, fruit, lean meats, grains, etc. back into my daily routine, things might start moving again. Lately it seems like take-out pizza, KFC, Subway, and the like have been my BFFs lately, which is something I don't want to continue. Yes, once in a while, a few times a month, maybe once a week, but not what I've been doing. All it takes is one look in my MFP food log for the past couple weeks to see how dismal it looks in there.

So after this weekend (during which my partner and I are celebrating our 15th anniversary together!), I'm going to get back to better eating habits, especially cutting out so many sweet treats. We're making this big pot of Sunday sauce on Saturday, which should be delicious. We're getting some wine, too, and you'd better believe that I'm making garlic bread. After that, back to business. Though, I could make a beautiful salad, too, couldn't I?

On the plus side, I have been successfully building my yoga practice, getting some in every day for the past little while now. I do this both at home with apps and videos and at my gym for hour-long classes. Meditation has also entered into things, and a general effort to shift my energy into a more positive field. Life's too short for bad feelings – not to say that you should never have any, but sometimes it's easy to get wrapped up in being angry, sad, frustrated, short-fused, etc. I want to be a happy person and I want to be a kind person, and I feel that performing these meditative acts really helps in that regard.

NOBO! Man, I love this program. It still kind of makes me nervous that I will always be last in the group, but at the same time? Eh, whatever! Who cares? I'm doing it. The other night I did some treadmill homework and I'm realizing that my pace is picking up a wee bit. It wasn't too long ago when my walking/running pace was about 2.8/3.8mph and this last workout? Blowing myself away with 3.0-3.3/4.3mph! It's still a snail's pace, I know, but for me? Dazzling. And to think, I will only get better with time and effort! I will be very excited when I can do, say, 5mph on the treadmill. I can't wait until the snow and ice melt a bit so I can see how I do with the outside solo workouts around my neighborhood. Spring is just three weeks away...

Also good is that I'm noticing my body looking different. It's probably only stuff I can tell, things like the way the rolls of my belly look when I am sitting, or how that flesh looks looser when I am standing (stuff I look at before I step into the bathtub). I just feel different in my skin somehow. I certainly feel more capable, which is the best.

I don't know. While it is hard to see the scale stagnate a bit, I also think in a way that it must be nice for my body to kind of get used to having lost 75 pounds, right? I'm so far from ready to give up. That is not even a thing... I have been going all along and I am ready for the next phase of my adventure.

It begins NOW.

OK, let me leave you with a documentation of my past efforts as a runner. This is a photo of the 1985 Alden High School Cross-Country team. I have indicated little old moi as a fresh-faced 15-year-old. I wasn't fat then (though I thought I was, of course), but I wasn't very fast, either – though I do think I was running a 30-something 5K? Compared to everyone else I was glacial. :) It was a great team, though, all very supportive folks from the coach Mr. Weeks to the most elite runners. I heard recently that one of my team members (Nanette, who is in front of me in the photo) still has a sweatshirt and that she's willing to hand it over to me! Talk about incentive to lose weight so that I can wear it while I am running! Yes.

Lately

Lately...

I feel like I am running out of patience.

I feel like I am running out of steam.

I feel like I am kidding myself.

It's been a weird weekend of strange emotions. I slept a good portion of the afternoon away today, partly just because I couldn't deal. There's a lot of largely unassigned anxiety floating around in my head, which feels horrible. It's almost like PMS except that I just got over my period – PostMS, maybe?

Anyway, it's days like this that make everything more difficult. But I keep telling myself that I just have to ride the wave, because it will make its way to shore and be nothing more than a toe-tickler in the next day or two. I'm sure of it. It's in times like this that I am feeling like my recent practice of yoga and mindfulness and (as much) kindness (as possible) is helping me make it through without totally losing it – my mind, my will to keep honoring my body in the ways I have been. I know that I have come too far to insult myself by giving it all up and reverting back to old habits.

So there is solace in that.

And I know, I know how my body works. It gets stuck often. My problem is that I hit 297 on the first of the month and I am still chasing it. That is, I've been playing with the same few pounds since then, no matter what I do. No matter whether I have a "good" day, or, let's say, a less mindful day. Whether I exercise or I don't exercise. You get the idea. February looks like it is going to be a bust, quite frankly. My worst month ever, weight loss-wise.

It is discouraging.

My plan for the rest of the day, which is kind of just getting started at 5pm: Do some yoga. (I really like the SimplyYoga app, by the way!) Then, get to work. I've been teaching art and design courses online for over five years now, so most days involve that for at least an hour or two. I need to get that done. Then, hopefully I will have some time to read and I don't know what else. Just chill out before starting the work week again, I guess.

On the happy side of things, yesterday was the first Saturday morning training for my 5K group at Fleet Feet Buffalo. I was definitely skeptical of how I was going to manage doing short runs in the conditions we have lately – snow banks, ice, fun stuff. But it turned out to be great! Yes, we did have to trudge through some poorly maintained sidewalks at the beginning and end of the workout, where we're just walking anyway), but otherwise the roads we walked and ran on were pretty OK. These first workouts are mainly walking, like so: 5 minute warmup, (4:30 walk, 30 second run) x 6, 5 minute cool down. Sounds pretty easy, right? Especially considering what I have built up to on my own so far. BUT! Much to my surprise, it pretty much kicked my butt. I guess the combo of adverse conditions and working out within a group pushed me in a way that I don't when I am on my own.

My Fleet Feet No Boundaries 5K training group!
(I am in the back row under the second e of the second double e.)

So yes, joining this training group is one of the best things I have ever done for myself, truly. I'm getting challenged in an awesome way, twice a week with the group. (Unfortunately I have to miss this Tuesday's training, but will make it up on my own.)

Despite feeling like I am teetering on the brink of disaster, I'm really not. Not when I lay out all the things I've been doing, which are super fantastic. Speaking of which, my yoga mat is calling.

Namaste!

Sub-300

I'm just putting this set of progress photos out there. Current weight: 297. I will get better photos today and replace these – yesterday I had about three layers on top and bottom, and it only now occurred to me that it might not be the best representation of my bod! Still, I can see a difference from just over 20 pounds ago. (I'm always freezing – at work, at home – so I often wear multiple layers plus a scarf, plus a hood, plus fingerless gloves. Brrrr!

Still, despite the temps being about 9 degrees and with poor sidewalk conditions, the inaugural walk of the Fleet Feet No Boundaries 5K training started yesterday evening! It wasn't anything strenuous, though of course the temps and the piled-up snow on the poorly maintained sidewalks made even a straight 30-minute walk more challenging than it would have been. I'm still a little skeptical about how on earth I will be able to do any sort of running on that kind of terrain come the next meeting on Saturday, but surely I am not the only one. We'll all do what we can – that's all we can do!

In the meantime, I have decided to continue my own Couch to 5K training as a supplement. I am very proud to say that I conquered the dreaded W5D3, which means that you get a nice 5 minute warm up and cool down, but the remaining 20 minutes is all running, baby! Yesterday on my lunch break at work I hadn't really planned to do it, but decided what the heck? I knew that I could do 10 minutes of running fairly easily already, so why not just get the psychological barrier out of the way?

I am always shepherded along in my workouts by music. Just over the long weekend my partner introduced me to the amazing Jeff Buckley, who sadly died at age 30 in 1997, just as he was working on his second album. He drown accidentally in the Mississippi River in Nashville, where he was happily settling in. Ultimately, I decided to dedicate my effort to Jeff by listening to his one "official" album, Grace, and it really motivated me. The 20 minutes seemed to pass by almost effortlessly. Almost. So yeah. Very proud of that, even if probably most people could walk circles around my so-called running.

In addition, I am working on, slowly but surely, building my own personal yoga practice. I really enjoy attending classes, but for the way the weather has been it's admittedly harder to get myself out again in the evening to go to the gym. So I've been doing research about how to get set up at home, and seeking out various free resources for yoga instruction (and considering paid online video stuff as well). At the same time, I realize that there are poses and flow that I am remembering from the in-person classes, and favorite poses and ones I want to work on... and after my run yesterday I took a few minutes to do a little bit of that. Let me tell you, even a little bit here and there is just wonderful! A 5-minute savasana in the middle of the work day (and maybe with some headphones on listening to some appropriate music, or just left to one's own thoughts) is pure heaven, let me tell you. I will say this a million times how much appreciation I have for the basement space at work that allows me to do these things in private, with no interruptions. HEAVEN. A haven.

At home, I have practiced yoga in our sunroom, which has recently come together as a little personal library and relaxing space, but it feels a little cramped to me. I'm thinking about repurposing part of our upstairs area, which currently serves as storage space only, as a place for yoga and meditation. It wouldn't take much, just some cleaning and tidying up. I'm looking forward to doing that, hopefully in the next week or two.

All these changes I am making – they have been very gradual, but very effective over time. I've been happy with the slow progress I am making, and best of all I'm truly feeling good in my skin for perhaps the first time ever.

Brutal Winter

This winter has been so snowy and frigid with little relief. We're looking at the next week of very cold temps again, too. I just can't ever get warm (except when I am being active), which is frustrating. On the other hand, I feel silly for complaining after having read this factoid in one of the books I am designing at work: When Harriet Tubman got brain surgery to help relieve symptoms of an injury she sustained as a young girl at the hands of a brutal master, she denied any anaesthetic and instead chose to bite on a bullet during the procedure. How tough is that? Hats off to you, Harriet, for so many reasons.

Unfortunately I have never weathered the winters very well. In my 20s I had a bout of bad depression which was exacerbated by winter and SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder). Since then I've been doing pretty well and generally have learned strategies to better cope when I do find myself down, but this winter is doing me in. It literally makes me mad, and ultimately just down.

I know the season is not all bad. There are lots of fun things to do in the snow. One thing I'd like to do next year, for example, is snowshoe. Since the sizing is based on body weight and not shoe size, though, I didn't go for it this year – larger sizes are harder to find and I figured that I'd just wait until I'm smaller and easier to fit. I also like cross country skiing, but I'm not equipped. Excuses, excuses. The key to being able to enjoy the winter outdoors is being properly suited up, and unfortunately, I'm not at that place right now. I guess I have something to look forward to for next year.

In the meantime, I'm dreaming about spring and going on hiking adventures with my partner. I'm also trying to keep up my physical activity indoors as much as possible (having that basement space at work is a godsend, seriously), though having to drive anywhere with all the snow we've had lately is a real drag, too. The Fleet Feet 5k training's orientation and first walk was postponed until Tuesday because of the extreme cold and snow we got over the weekend. I'll be out there after work, yikes! Supposedly it's supposed to be in the double digits again, one can only hope.

I do have some good news, though – I am back down to my lowest weight so far, 297. It's been sort a tortuous two weeks since I hit it in the first place, so it was a huge relief. I wasn't doing anything differently, but I have been dealing with difficult lady stuff – i.e. bad periods and hormones. It really just goes to show that sometimes, the body just does what it wants regardless of your efforts. It also goes to show that you have to be diligent and patient with the process. As so many say, weight loss is NOT linear. Far from it. Witness:

So many ups and downs, and staying the same. (Just is just the last six months shown here.) Even when things seem totally stagnant and what's the point???, over time you can see the progress.

This is why I try really hard not to get discouraged enough to give up. Besides, if I did, what does that get me? No better than when I started, and probably worse. That's not really an option anymore as far as I am concerned.

Now, if it would just warm up a little bit... I'm off to shovel us out!

Where I'm At

This post is based on an email I sent today to a MyFitnessPal friend who I am also mentoring – though the support definitely goes both ways! (Hi, Dina!) I've been having kind of a hard time lately but also trying to keep in perspective. Here's what I said, after she commented about noticing that I seemed to be PMSing a lot (which I have mentioned in my posts on MFP):

"Anyway, I promised a story to you about my periods. I'm sure you have been dying to hear it! ;) Basically, I have always had really bad ones, irregular, too. I was diagnosed with PCOS years ago and have been on birth control since. Generally what happens is that it either regulates it pretty well, or I just don't get one, which is what happened for much of last year.

My doc decided to take me off it for three months last fall just to see how my body reacted, after not having a period for several months. I started getting them again, no problem. Once I went back on the pill, things were still fine, but last month's lasted forever (almost two weeks!) and was a nightmare, and now I'm getting another one when I am supposed to so it's like a double whammy. It seems like this one is going to be a bear, too, unfortunately.

So, I think my body is kind of freaking out over this and I can't help but think that it is affecting my weight loss – along with the wicked cravings I've been getting and fulfilling. At least I do that in a controlled, portioned way for the most part.

Hanging onto the things that I can easily do like logging food and weighing in every day, and keeping up on the exercise have been my saving grace these past few weeks. Hopefully things will normalize soon. I am really enjoying yoga and running – the 11-week 5K training program with my local Fleet Feet store starts on Sunday! Yay!"

And that's about it in a nutshell. I looked over my weigh-in history and see that it's been at least two weeks that I've been stuck playing with the same few pounds now. Looking back farther, I also saw that back in October I was dealing with the same thing and it lasted almost a month. The funny part is how much that is a distant memory for me now – I didn't even remember it happening, to be honest. What that tells me is I got through it just fine and that I will get through this thing just fine, too.

The hardest part about all this is that it's happening right around the 300 mark – I've been as low at 297 and today I'm 301. There is something really big about making it under 300 for me, and there have been so many times where my efforts have just died around this milestone as well. It's a really scary place to be. It's why I am all the more determined to get past it, keep doing what I am doing, and above all, be patient!

Here's an NSV to share: I was put off by the weather to attend the yoga class I was planning to go to last night. It would have been easy for me to sit back and relax the rest of the evening, but instead? I looked up one of my high school classmate Lesley Fightmaster's free yoga videos on YouTube and did that instead.

I had to modify a bit more, and rest during several sequences, than I do during the classes I've taken so far, but it is great to know that I have a home-based alternative now, or can try to fit yoga in daily as a home-based practice to supplement the classes I attend at the gym.

Also, Lesley has a lovely, soothing voice and is a pleasure to watch move through the poses – so lithe and effortless she makes it look! Thanks for sharing your gift with us, Lesley!

Always Balance

I made good on my promise to head back to the gym again today for yoga and Couch to 5K. The yoga class was being subbed in by the Goodfellas yoga instructor, Salvatore, who totally reminds me of a character from that film – in a good way. He's an older gent who also happens to be a long-time yoga practitioner and triathlete (30 years of triathlons!) with the physique to match – slender and muscular, what looks like a very efficient slab of flesh and muscle. He's down to earth with a blue collar sort of way of talking ("make sure to spread them fingers!") and teaches yoga with a more athletic approach, which I like, yet he is also clearly into the spiritual aspect of it as well. It's a neat mixture that makes the class really challenging and interesting.

He also does this little whistle kind of thing with his teeth to signal a change of position. It cracks me up. And he wears these cool yoga pants that are poofy – I suppose ultimately what would be considered genie or harem pants. Sal is the best. Unfortunately, he only teaches two mornings a week and one time is a weekday that I can't make and the other is Saturday, which will conflict with the 5K training I'm starting next week. Alas.

That was the first time I've done yoga two days in a row, and I needed an afternoon nap both days. Phew! Super hard work. I tell you what, though – I would love to make time for yoga every day if I could. (Maybe I can with some home practice mixed in, and some free videos by a high school classmate that seem really great.) Baby steps for now, though, I've been trying to get two yoga classes in each week.

C25K went great, just fine! As I mentioned yesterday it was 5 minute jogging intervals with 3 minute walking intervals for a total of 30+ minutes. I won't lie, after the hour's worth of yoga those jogging intervals weren't necessarily easy, but they were totally doable. Next session the ante is upped with 8 minute jogging and 5 minute walking intervals – but I tell you what, I know I can do it. The real test will be on W5D3, when it's a straight 20 minute jog. I guess then I will find out whether I can run a mile or not! (Spoiler alert: I will.) Perfect timing for next Sunday, when my first meeting of the 5K training program at my local Fleet Feet store begins!

All of this and my eating has just been so-so. Yesterday and today I met my calorie requirements, but I've been eating more junk food – the aforementioned Cheetos and things. I'm trying not to beat myself up over it and espousing the What You Can, When You Can mentality as much as possible. This week, quite frankly, that's what I did – what I could, when I could. PMS demanded Cheetos and orange chocolate sponge candy and pizza, and I ate it and I enjoyed it. I also made efforts to get moving more and more. Balance. I will never be perfect. I'm doing what I can. It's all I can do.