Monday, March 22, 2010

Ack, I almost made it through another day of not writing here, tsk. It was really by accident that I didn't show up yesterday... all the sudden, the day was gone. I also haven't been calling my mom like I keep meaning to.

I am, however,

• Making the bed every morning
• Keeping the sink clean
• Keeping the bathroom clean (well, I still need to do the tub, but the public parts of the WC are AOK
• Drinking more water
• Picking things up and putting them away, or dusting something with the duster if it needs it
• Getting dressed and ready, even if I don't plan to go out

I still am not quite where I hoped to be food-wise today, mainly because what remains in the house is mostly food that is not-so-conducive to losing weight, and I am extremely low on cash until Wednesday. It's all right though. Writing here regularly, and getting those stupid emails from Flylady and her fitness dude are making impressions on my noggin... and that's really what it takes. I must admit, though, I am feeling a bit pathetic having the Flylady on my mind most of the time.

Today wasn't such a good eating day, but I hope that tomorrow will be. I am finally starting to desire to make real changes in my life. Oh, how I need to, dear readers. My bones are aching and I'm not even 40 yet! I try my best to not act "like a fat person" (whatever that means—it's a stupid stereotypical idea I've created in my head about what I don't want appear like to other people, even though it is TOTALLY OBVIOUS that I am, like, really fat!). So, while I try not struggle getting up off the couch, or bend over to tie my shoes, or walk a certain way, or have a miserable/pained look on my face, or to dress too shabbily... I am still fat. Really fat. And all the pretending in the world isn't going to change that.

Only real action will.

I didn't go for a walk yesterday or today. But you know what? I am committing in my mind to do it tomorrow. On my work lunch break. 10 to 15 minutes. I'm going to drive to where the bike path starts and see what I can do. Because I have to do something.

In the meantime, I would just like to thank all the people who are my friends and who will hang out with me in public places and don't seem embarrassed at all by it. Having friends like you makes it easy for me to feel like a real person and to even forget that I really am a "big fat" person. So, so thankful for that. I know everyone's not so lucky.


  1. Good god woman being fat isn't a crime! You have nothing to apologise or feel guilty for. If you want to change, change, if not don't. x

  2. One day at a time.
    If you want some more inspiration, check out, Russ and Jeff not only have a website full of great information, but they also have a podcast thats full of information. They are all about making small changes in your life that will be long lasting- thats its more about living the life of the thin person you want to be; once you start living that life you start to become it!
    I'm so glad to see you blogging again :)