So, I would like to thank Lyn for doing what she's doing and sharing it with all of us. Lyn, you sort of saved me just now.
I was still feeling a little, well... not quite as committed today to my experiment. In fact, I veered away from my doctor's orders for the first time since I began over two weeks ago.
It was sort of planned. We were making the eight-hour round trip to Binghamton and back today to pick up some of my paintings from a gallery, and I happened to find out before hand that there is now a Sonic Drive-In there. Previous to this, there were no Sonics in New York state. Big deal? Well, my boyfriend and I LOVE their real fruit slushes, the lemon-berry in particular. For me, it had been years since I'd tasted one. We decided to stop there and I decided to get one.
Second mistake I made was to leave the house without eating, or bringing any appropriate snacks. By the time we got to Sonic, I was all like, "F%$! it!" and we shared a double cheeseburger and medium tater tot. I had a few bites of the burger, and about five or six tots. I didn't go crazy. The worst thing I ingested today was probably the large slush, to be honest.
This is terrible, I know, but — we also stopped at a roadside BBQ place after that. I had chicken (yay!) but also sampled some of C.'s pulled pork (boo!) on a roll (double boo!). I had a wee bit of potato salad, and some baked beans. Nothing in huge portions, but certainly some of the wrong stuff to eat.
I came home and had some popcorn. With ice water!
Writing this all out makes me feel a little better. I indulged in a few "forbidden" items today but I don't feel that I overdid it in the way that I know I am capable of, so that's good. I also feel that those little indulgences weren't really worth it — not even the slush! Lyn's post that I linked to really drove that home for me. Her "before" body is very similar to mine (I am a little taller), and I am just amazed at the transformation of her "in progress" body. I want that!!! I really, really do.
I think one of my biggest problems is that it is really hard for me to visualize what I can look like after losing a significant amount of weight. I have been "normal" and even thin before, but the last time was when I was in my mid-20s and so it is hard for me to connect to that person I was in the past, you know? That was a long time ago. I was also a very unhealthy person back then in many ways (not illness per se, but I did abuse my body from the time I was a teenager on). The person I am today desires to take care of her body, and even exalt it. I have a very different mind set from those days. But I still can't make that visualization.
Anyway. About today. I am not mad at myself, or even disappointed. The experience and the choices I made helped drive home the things that are most important to me. A tasty treat? Um, not so much. Feeling really good in my body and even looking really good? Yes, please! Not that these two things are mutually exclusive.