Sunday, September 26, 2010

Another tough day

So, I would like to thank Lyn for doing what she's doing and sharing it with all of us. Lyn, you sort of saved me just now.

I was still feeling a little, well... not quite as committed today to my experiment. In fact, I veered away from my doctor's orders for the first time since I began over two weeks ago.

It was sort of planned. We were making the eight-hour round trip to Binghamton and back today to pick up some of my paintings from a gallery, and I happened to find out before hand that there is now a Sonic Drive-In there. Previous to this, there were no Sonics in New York state. Big deal? Well, my boyfriend and I LOVE their real fruit slushes, the lemon-berry in particular. For me, it had been years since I'd tasted one. We decided to stop there and I decided to get one.

Second mistake I made was to leave the house without eating, or bringing any appropriate snacks. By the time we got to Sonic, I was all like, "F%$! it!" and we shared a double cheeseburger and medium tater tot. I had a few bites of the burger, and about five or six tots. I didn't go crazy. The worst thing I ingested today was probably the large slush, to be honest.

This is terrible, I know, but — we also stopped at a roadside BBQ place after that. I had chicken (yay!) but also sampled some of C.'s pulled pork (boo!) on a roll (double boo!). I had a wee bit of potato salad, and some baked beans. Nothing in huge portions, but certainly some of the wrong stuff to eat.

I came home and had some popcorn. With ice water!

Writing this all out makes me feel a little better. I indulged in a few "forbidden" items today but I don't feel that I overdid it in the way that I know I am capable of, so that's good. I also feel that those little indulgences weren't really worth it — not even the slush! Lyn's post that I linked to really drove that home for me. Her "before" body is very similar to mine (I am a little taller), and I am just amazed at the transformation of her "in progress" body. I want that!!! I really, really do.

I think one of my biggest problems is that it is really hard for me to visualize what I can look like after losing a significant amount of weight. I have been "normal" and even thin before, but the last time was when I was in my mid-20s and so it is hard for me to connect to that person I was in the past, you know? That was a long time ago. I was also a very unhealthy person back then in many ways (not illness per se, but I did abuse my body from the time I was a teenager on). The person I am today desires to take care of her body, and even exalt it. I have a very different mind set from those days. But I still can't make that visualization.

Anyway. About today. I am not mad at myself, or even disappointed. The experience and the choices I made helped drive home the things that are most important to me. A tasty treat? Um, not so much. Feeling really good in my body and even looking really good? Yes, please! Not that these two things are mutually exclusive.


  1. I was wondering if the things you ate had any effect on how you felt as far as not energetic, stomach ache, etc.? I know that happens for Lyn, and has for me too, usually headache, or lethargy. (to the point where I contemplate in advance that ___ might give me a headache, is that worth it... weird, I know.)

    Also, I so hear you on realizing after the fact that the item was NOT worth it, enjoyment wise. I sampled a baked good sample at the bakery, and it didn't even taste good to me. I should know that I almost prefer veggies and clean eating now, but my brain still seems to recall how good a donut was, and it just isn't as good anymore.

    You will be able to visualize a smaller you soon, as you are dropping lbs already. Soon you will begin to purchase smaller clothing keep it up!

  2. The fact that you shared these things, or took just one or two bites of each thing shows that mentally you're in a good place. Someone that is not as committed as you would have ordered their own tater tots or would have used the 'oh, well I've already screwed up today, I'll just start over tomorrow and the proceed to eat a bag of chips.'

    I'm a true believer in moderation. This is a lifelong commitment that you and I are making. There is no reason to say "no more sonic, ever!" That's not realistic. You've got this, girl!