Still not

Ugh, I am still not below 300 pounds yet. Grrr. I was down as low as 300.6 but for no apparent reason (seriously!) went back up to 302.

Yesterday I had another "fail" at going out to eat with friends, but to be fair, it was rather accidental on my part; I ordered a main dish that was totally on program (chicken with greens and tomatoes at a Lebanese place), but then also ordered an appetizer of spinach pies, which in retrospect was a dumb move... anything with the word "pie" in it is surely something to avoid when I am in diet phase. They ended up being three little dough pillows filled with spinach, and no one in my party wanted them and I knew that my partner wouldn't want to eat them if I brought them home. Honestly, I just couldn't bear wasting the money or the food. Stupid, I know. So, I ended up eating them.

That wasn't the worst of it, though. It ended up being a full-blown bad day. My relationship has been very stressful lately for reasons that I won't go into here, and yesterday I just lost the ability to deal with it rationally anymore. I've been very consciously trying NOT to turn to food when I am upset these days and it's been working pretty well, but yesterday after the spinach pies thing I pretty much decided to just eat. I ended up eating 6 (rather thin) slices of pizza that my partner got, and a bowl of ice cream, and some pretzels and cheese dip, and a bowl of popcorn. All told I suppose I have certainly done worse for myself, and I never really felt out of control, but it was still something I was just compelled to do, like it was all I could do. Of course I do know otherwise.

I really, really lucked out — or maybe it was the yard work I also did yesterday — but I didn't show a gain today.

Also, my period is finally over.

I will be eating totally on plan today, and crossing my fingers that I finally reach my first big goal tomorrow. It often happens that way post-binge.

Technically tomorrow begins my first day on maintenance, but I've made the executive decision to remain on program until I go away to Michigan on Saturday, and then I will go on maintenance. I would like some padding between me and 300 pounds if at all possible before I leave — and yes, I am bringing my scale with me!

In other news, those size 22 pants I have in my wardrobe are just about wearable outside the house. I was even able to squeeze into those size 20 jeans I bought the last time I lost weight and never got to wear — tags still on, even! That's awesome.