MOAR: Accountability

I'm getting real.

Well, I'm always real here. If you've been reading for a while, you know that.

But seriously, this morning was a real eye-opener. Got on the scale as promised, and... I am sad to say that I am back over 290 – 293.8! Whoa!

I ate like crap yesterday and so it's partly the weight of all that, I'm sure. I'm going to share with you what I ate, in fact. Note that this is pretty much how I ate before I got serious about losing weight, but every day without thinking twice most times. No wonder things got so out of control.

• Three donuts

• Subway footlong roast beef sub (I get all the veggies and vinegar on it, and pepper jack cheese, yum!), and Baked BBQ Lay's chips

• One hotdog on a bun, about a cup of leftover fancy black beans with a little cheese and sour cream on top, and some chili cheese Fritos

• An ice cream cone (at like 10pm!)

Actually, I probably used to eat even worse than this, but still. It's a lot, right? The donuts. God.

There were some positive things yesterday though!

• Drank 10 cups of water

• Played over an hour of tennis in hot and humid conditions (probably the most we've experienced so far this year) – plus I won a game in two sets! LOL

• I meditated!

So today I put on some comfortable clothes so that I would physically feel OK and therefore better mentally, too. I had three donuts left in my drawer and I ate them. I know.

I'm going out to lunch with a co-worker and not sure what I will do there, to be honest.

I'm not beating myself up. All I need are a few good days under my belt again. And I need to keep writing here. Another thing I considered doing was keeping a written journal of what I eat, when, and how I am feeling at the time. Same with drinking (alcohol). I think it will help me to better understand my patterns and therefore maybe try to adjust them. I mean, I know in general what I do – I am an emotional eater, no doubt. But I also eat to feed non-hunger cravings. I eat because the idea of eating that particular food sounds good. I want to do it. It's hard for me to moderate many times, though, so there's the rub. They say that the first few bites of a food taste best, and after that, we're just gobbling to gobble. Why can't I just have half a donut and be satisfied, or one scoop of ice cream, or one slice of pizza? OK, fine if I am hungry but many times I am not.

I think I'll meditate on it.

One last thing I wanted to note here? I don't get chub rub anymore. I play tennis in short skirts and I haven't had chub run one time this year! I wear skirts to work – nothing. It is totally fabulous. I mentioned it to my GYN, marvelling at it, really, and she said it's probably because my legs have more muscle now. Whatever the reason, it's pretty nifty. I haven't had to use my Body Glide in forever! Hooray!