Ah, OK. OK.

So today? I was spotting a bit. Yes, I got my period at least a little bit which means that I have something to blame some of that weight gain on, I guess. I was three pounds down this morning without having done anything too special to cause it. I'm a little relieved but I am also annoyed because my period is the last thing I need right now with a cross-country trip ahead of me and all.

If I may talk some lady talk? I'm pretty much in the throes of peri-menopause, and what that means is that I can go for months and months without bleeding, and then all the sudden BAM! Horror movie city for weeks, no exaggeration. So I am definitely hoping it is not one of those periods, obviously. It's impossible to tell. I won't know until I am in it. And though I do not believe in god, if you want to send some good vibes my way in the form of wishes for a really short, light period, it would be most appreciated.

Note: The longest I've gone without menstruating is over seven months. Menopause means you haven't for a year, so I am not really there yet. Nope.

Anyway, it definitely explains why I have been so bloated this past week. Ugh. Make it stop.

Today I had a thing to go to – I was asked to be a portfolio reviewer for the teen program at the Albright-Knox Art Museum, something I've done several times before. Today's panel of students was especially interesting and talented, I think. I got to chat with five different teen artists about their work and their plans for the future, which is really nice in the sense that it sort of invigorates me and reminds me why I am an artist in the first place. Being transported to that phase of my life vicariously is a journey! I related quite a lot to them this round but have much higher hopes for them and their accomplishments than I ever had for myself.

Things are SO different now. The kids I talked to were all juniors in high school, so if we can go back to when I was a junior? It was 1986–87. No internet. No digital photography, no social media. No cell phones. I never had cable TV growing up, even. Coming out of college in 1992 it was much the same. I think about how different my life as an artist could have been if I'd had the same resources that are around now. I really can't fathom it. I mean, plus, who knows if it would have been a positive change or a negative one? Still, I can't help but feel like I really would have taken advantage of how easy getting oneself and one's work out there IS.

That all said, it's no use thinking much about it because that is not how it was. It is now, though, of course, and I can use those things to reshape my life as it is now. I didn't totally miss out.

Coming home after, I went outside and picked up most of the twigs that have accumulated in the front yard from our sycamore tree over the winter (which made me more winded and tired than I would've liked), and then made some black beans and rice for dinner, and then made some more collages and drank some wine and listened to cool music with my partner. Tomorrow I have an in-person interview and I have one on Tuesday, too. I have to clean the house. I also have other stuff to do.

I guess what I am saying is that I'm pretty OK right now.