First of all, I don't know how much I weigh right now. I've pretty much been sticking to once-a-week weigh, and last Saturday I clocked in at 302, which was an improvement. I'm not sure that I will best that this Saturday, though – eating hasn't been terrible but not super great, either.
I guess I haven't written anything here since before Christmas now that I think about it... but I have nothing much to report on that front. We're not huge holiday folks over here, though we spent a nice afternoon with my mom on Christmas eve, and I made my first-ever from scratch cheesecake at my partner's request. I was scared to try it, but I pulled it off! So, you know... cheesecake was eaten. But generally I think that I did OK. I mean, heck, I met with my trainer on Christmas eve morning for an intense workout, so how hardcore is that, right?
One thing I am really excited about is my overall fitness these days. As I have mentioned, I'm doing a lot of strength training these days (twice a week at the gym for hour+ sessions) and trying to keep stretched out – in fact, I asked Rick to text me every day to remind me to at least do some stretching. It really helps with soreness! So he has been happily complying with that, to my great appreciation. I haven't been running outside super regularly though usually at each training session I do a little bit on the treadmill. (TOTALLY not the same, by the way!!!) Well, I have a race coming up, and I have goals, so I know I need to get back to a running routine again sooner than later. So last night I went to one of the free group runs they hold at Fleet Feet and figured I'd just do what I could, as long as I did something. Most times they offer two and four mile routes for participants, so I went for the two mile thinking I'd run at least a mile and do my best otherwise.
The first mile is ALWAYS the hardest, and this one was no exception. I was kind of hating on myself the whole time and wondering how I could have let myself get so out of shape, watching walkers breeze past me. Then I realized that I wasn't far from the mile marker and I was starting to feel pretty good, strong even! Long story short, I ended up running the full two miles, only stopping for traffic lights. I was PUMPED. Totally pumped. I can still do this.
As I bid 2016 adieu, I think of a few things:
• I was reminded on Facebook that it was three years ago today that I began my efforts toward better health and fitness with my first appointment with a trainer (this was pre-Rick). Three years! In many ways I am disappointed with how this past year I managed to backpedal so much, but on the other hand I am such a better place than I was three years ago. There's no stopping now.
• I'm ready to upgrade my efforts again.
1. Continuing with my twice weekly training sessions (Monday evening and Saturday morning)
2. Making a routine of one weekly session with a running group (Fleet Feet or Niagara, Wednesdays)
3. Adding on one more weekly run with a friend (accountability, plus better and easier to run with someone!)
4. Daily stretching, even just a little bit
5. Daily meditation (I miss it! Would make me feel better!)
6. Implement a new break plan at work, where I sit at a computer all day – ugh. I recently read that rather than taking a longer walk in the morning before work or on a lunch break, taking a five-minute break every hour and walking around the office is even better. Hoping this will help keep me refreshed during the day as well.
Action plan!
1. Already in place – no problem keeping to this schedule.
2. All I have to do is get myself geared up and go after work on Wednesdays. Should be no problem.
3. I am contacting my friend Janice to start meeting up with her one morning a week. Looks like that will happen on Sunday mornings.
4. & 5. I can combine these two, like I used to. I still have a Headspace subscription that I have been wasting (for shame!). I can commit to waking up 15 minutes earlier in the morning, OR taking part of my lunch break at work, OR taking that time in the evening at home to achieve this goal on as many days as I can.
6. I need to set some reminders for myself until it becomes habit. I will set timers to hit on every hour. I could also plan to drink even more water – bathroom breaks could coincide.
• I have to always remind myself that yes, I can do this. Most days lately, it feels like I can't. I get discouraged a lot. But you know my mantra: I will NOT give up. I can't wait to see what lies ahead.
Thursday, December 29, 2016
Wednesday, December 21, 2016
Being Brave
Today being brave means that I got on the scale, and it wasn't pretty. I was prepared. It's just reality, it's something to deal with and I have the knowledge and tools to deal with it.
I've hit 307 pounds. Grr. So not good.
So that is the bad news. The good news is that I know that I really can reverse the damage. I don't have to be here. New goal! *rolls eyes* New goal is to get below 300 before the new year. I can't stay here. I can't live with this. I can't just let it go.
One big help I have in my life is my boyfriend, who is also struggling with his goals. We're now closer in weight than we have been in a long time. When we first met, he weighed a good 70 pounds less than me, but over time he ended up weighing at least 30 pounds more than me at my heaviest. We don't know for sure. So now, we're within 10 pounds of each other. I am happy for him, but not happy for me.
I have to keep pounding at it, no matter how many times I have to make declarations here, no matter how many times I mess up, no matter how many times I said that I would never go above 300 again... I know now that I can never really be too far away from it. I was down to 265 and thought it would be impossible to find myself back here, but look how easily it happened!
I really know better now. I must continue to be diligent.
Oh well, at least I like this photo of me today. Thanks Photo Booth app on my work computer!
I've hit 307 pounds. Grr. So not good.
So that is the bad news. The good news is that I know that I really can reverse the damage. I don't have to be here. New goal! *rolls eyes* New goal is to get below 300 before the new year. I can't stay here. I can't live with this. I can't just let it go.
One big help I have in my life is my boyfriend, who is also struggling with his goals. We're now closer in weight than we have been in a long time. When we first met, he weighed a good 70 pounds less than me, but over time he ended up weighing at least 30 pounds more than me at my heaviest. We don't know for sure. So now, we're within 10 pounds of each other. I am happy for him, but not happy for me.
I have to keep pounding at it, no matter how many times I have to make declarations here, no matter how many times I mess up, no matter how many times I said that I would never go above 300 again... I know now that I can never really be too far away from it. I was down to 265 and thought it would be impossible to find myself back here, but look how easily it happened!
I really know better now. I must continue to be diligent.
Oh well, at least I like this photo of me today. Thanks Photo Booth app on my work computer!
 |
| I like my hair today, and my lipstick. |
Monday, December 19, 2016
Best Laid Plans
Frankly, things have been going just the opposite of how I want them to be going right now.
I know I have the power to turn that around, but I just haven't. The only thing I have been doing is going to my training sessions at the gym, but even this past week things got slightly derailed. Don't worry – headed back tonight right after work though.
I'm not totally blaming things on the weather, but I do think that I have been taking the turn of the season harder than I have in the recent past. It's been very cold and doing things like snowing and icing and I just can't stand it. I hate the stress of driving in those conditions, and I hate that weather like that prevents me from doing the things I want to do.
This past week, for instance:
• Wednesday I was supposed to do running group. I ended up leaving early from work because of a projected storm (good call), so no running or gym for me. I went straight home and did not want to leave again until I had to the next morning.
• Saturday I had high hopes that we'd have a reprieve, with a forecasted high in the 40s for my trip to nearby Rochester. Instead, more snow and ice and crap. I was supposed to run a race (the Reindeer Run!) and visit a good friend whom I haven't seen in years. I didn't go to the gym, either (much closer to home!). I probably could have, but again I was of the mindset not going nowhere no how. Ugh. In fact, I ended up not going anywhere at all for the whole weekend. On one hand, it was nice, but on the other, well... I just feel so down and blah.
I'm back at work today and the roads were totally clear the whole way down, no problems, but then the work parking lot? Reprehensibly covered in ice, just like an ice rink. Terrible.
Did I say how sick of this I am? And it's only December and it only just started. I am hoping that January will be gentler.
My eating has been shitty, for lack of a better word. No sugar-coating it. The last time I weighed myself a couple, few days ago I was 304, and really happy about it! Sad, right? I had been worried that I was up towards 310, so I was relieved. My goal for the end of the year is now to be under 300.
More sad. Ugh!
(Later)
Total crap eating day again, but soon enough I will be at the gym making up for a tiny bit of that.
I don't know how this will end. I know what I have to do, but I am just not doing it.
Sorry this blog has become a total complain-fest do-nothing blah blah blah.
I know I have the power to turn that around, but I just haven't. The only thing I have been doing is going to my training sessions at the gym, but even this past week things got slightly derailed. Don't worry – headed back tonight right after work though.
I'm not totally blaming things on the weather, but I do think that I have been taking the turn of the season harder than I have in the recent past. It's been very cold and doing things like snowing and icing and I just can't stand it. I hate the stress of driving in those conditions, and I hate that weather like that prevents me from doing the things I want to do.
This past week, for instance:
• Wednesday I was supposed to do running group. I ended up leaving early from work because of a projected storm (good call), so no running or gym for me. I went straight home and did not want to leave again until I had to the next morning.
• Saturday I had high hopes that we'd have a reprieve, with a forecasted high in the 40s for my trip to nearby Rochester. Instead, more snow and ice and crap. I was supposed to run a race (the Reindeer Run!) and visit a good friend whom I haven't seen in years. I didn't go to the gym, either (much closer to home!). I probably could have, but again I was of the mindset not going nowhere no how. Ugh. In fact, I ended up not going anywhere at all for the whole weekend. On one hand, it was nice, but on the other, well... I just feel so down and blah.
I'm back at work today and the roads were totally clear the whole way down, no problems, but then the work parking lot? Reprehensibly covered in ice, just like an ice rink. Terrible.
Did I say how sick of this I am? And it's only December and it only just started. I am hoping that January will be gentler.
My eating has been shitty, for lack of a better word. No sugar-coating it. The last time I weighed myself a couple, few days ago I was 304, and really happy about it! Sad, right? I had been worried that I was up towards 310, so I was relieved. My goal for the end of the year is now to be under 300.
More sad. Ugh!
(Later)
Total crap eating day again, but soon enough I will be at the gym making up for a tiny bit of that.
I don't know how this will end. I know what I have to do, but I am just not doing it.
Sorry this blog has become a total complain-fest do-nothing blah blah blah.
Monday, December 5, 2016
Weekends = Trouble
OK, so once again I sabotaged myself over the weekend. After seeing 298.8 on Saturday, which was great, the rest was a bust. Here's what happened, with me trying to figure out how the fuck to avoid the same thing happening again anytime soon.
We had planned on Saturday after my training session that I'd grab some pizza and wings that would carry us, meal-wise, through the end of the weekend. A couple few slices of pizza, a few wings each day, pretty much. We've done this plenty of times without it being a big thing.
But I had also run to the store because I needed supplies to make a couple things for the housewarming party I was attending later. Wouldn't you know that our favorite new ice cream was on sale? No, I didn't have to buy it, but I did.
Fast forward to what I made for the party: a bacon-jalapeno cheeseball, corn flour crackers for my gluten-intolerant friend (she's the real deal), and something sweet. I was going to make truffles, but ended up taking a nap mid-afternoon and running out of time for all the chilling they require, so I made brownies instead. Well, those seemed to turn out funny, so I didn't even bring them to the party, but wouldn't you know that they actually tasted really good?
OK, so at the party I did pretty OK, eating-wise. I probably had a little too much, but I thought it was all right considering. I had one pour of Prosecco and drank water the rest of the time.
Wouldn't you know I ended up gaining almost 4 pounds when I weighed in yesterday? Ugh ugh ugh.
We had pizza and wings to finish and on top that there was ice cream in the freezer and those brownies on the counter. Basically, yesterday turned into a shitstorm and I ended the evening feeling really down on myself and really sad.
I did NOT weigh in this morning. I just couldn't do that to myself. But, once again, I am determined to lose some pounds this week even if it only means that I am back down to 298. Jesus, I am so sick of being a broken record and I wonder why on earth I keep sabotaging myself the way I do. Well, it's got to stop. No more of this "do good during the week and throw it all away on the weekend" crap. It's positively crazy-making.
Then this appeared in my email box this morning:
And it is a very good question. I guess I would have to define my fears first. Let's see...
• Being afraid of failing
Response: Well fine, but haven't I already had all kinds of little and not-so-little failures along the way? And if I do succeed and then fail again, I know what to do. This is silly.
• Being afraid that losing the weight I want to lose won't make my life any better
Response: But you won't know until you get there. And if it doesn't, that's OK because life is pretty good anyway. Again this is silly, because at the very least, I can shop for clothes in more places, I will be able to do more physical things more easily, and I will be healthier in general. It's kind of a no-brainer. Will it automatically make me more successful in my career? No. Big deal.
• Being afraid that maintaining my weight loss will be even more difficult than losing it in the first place
I already know the answer to this – I do know that it will be an ongoing struggle. I know that I must be diligent and keep a close eye at the numbers on scale. I know how easy it is to lose control again. But that's OK – all of it is work, so it may as well be good work. (Yes, it IS work being super obese, trust me. I don't want to do that again.)
• Being afraid that life will change in ways that I really can't imagine, even if it's positive
Response: Change is a fact of life. So far I have dealt with all kinds of change in my life and came out the other end just fine. This will be no different. Roll with it, baby.
That's good for a start.
Now that I have analyzed these fears, there is no need to hang onto them any longer. I hearby relinquish them to dust and nevermore.
Let's get on with it!
Plans for this week:
Monday
One hour training session at the gym
Tuesday
Run/walk a mile
Wednesday
Run with open running group at Fleet Feet
Thursday
Run/walk a mile
Friday
Walk on lunch break
Saturday
One hour training session at the gym
Sunday
5K race!
Bring lunches to work. Plan for small dinners at home. Stick to 1600 cals as much as possible, continue 16:8 IF. Drink lots of water.
We had planned on Saturday after my training session that I'd grab some pizza and wings that would carry us, meal-wise, through the end of the weekend. A couple few slices of pizza, a few wings each day, pretty much. We've done this plenty of times without it being a big thing.
But I had also run to the store because I needed supplies to make a couple things for the housewarming party I was attending later. Wouldn't you know that our favorite new ice cream was on sale? No, I didn't have to buy it, but I did.
Fast forward to what I made for the party: a bacon-jalapeno cheeseball, corn flour crackers for my gluten-intolerant friend (she's the real deal), and something sweet. I was going to make truffles, but ended up taking a nap mid-afternoon and running out of time for all the chilling they require, so I made brownies instead. Well, those seemed to turn out funny, so I didn't even bring them to the party, but wouldn't you know that they actually tasted really good?
OK, so at the party I did pretty OK, eating-wise. I probably had a little too much, but I thought it was all right considering. I had one pour of Prosecco and drank water the rest of the time.
Wouldn't you know I ended up gaining almost 4 pounds when I weighed in yesterday? Ugh ugh ugh.
We had pizza and wings to finish and on top that there was ice cream in the freezer and those brownies on the counter. Basically, yesterday turned into a shitstorm and I ended the evening feeling really down on myself and really sad.
I did NOT weigh in this morning. I just couldn't do that to myself. But, once again, I am determined to lose some pounds this week even if it only means that I am back down to 298. Jesus, I am so sick of being a broken record and I wonder why on earth I keep sabotaging myself the way I do. Well, it's got to stop. No more of this "do good during the week and throw it all away on the weekend" crap. It's positively crazy-making.
Then this appeared in my email box this morning:
And it is a very good question. I guess I would have to define my fears first. Let's see...
• Being afraid of failing
Response: Well fine, but haven't I already had all kinds of little and not-so-little failures along the way? And if I do succeed and then fail again, I know what to do. This is silly.
• Being afraid that losing the weight I want to lose won't make my life any better
Response: But you won't know until you get there. And if it doesn't, that's OK because life is pretty good anyway. Again this is silly, because at the very least, I can shop for clothes in more places, I will be able to do more physical things more easily, and I will be healthier in general. It's kind of a no-brainer. Will it automatically make me more successful in my career? No. Big deal.
• Being afraid that maintaining my weight loss will be even more difficult than losing it in the first place
I already know the answer to this – I do know that it will be an ongoing struggle. I know that I must be diligent and keep a close eye at the numbers on scale. I know how easy it is to lose control again. But that's OK – all of it is work, so it may as well be good work. (Yes, it IS work being super obese, trust me. I don't want to do that again.)
• Being afraid that life will change in ways that I really can't imagine, even if it's positive
Response: Change is a fact of life. So far I have dealt with all kinds of change in my life and came out the other end just fine. This will be no different. Roll with it, baby.
That's good for a start.
Now that I have analyzed these fears, there is no need to hang onto them any longer. I hearby relinquish them to dust and nevermore.
Let's get on with it!
Plans for this week:
Monday
One hour training session at the gym
Tuesday
Run/walk a mile
Wednesday
Run with open running group at Fleet Feet
Thursday
Run/walk a mile
Friday
Walk on lunch break
Saturday
One hour training session at the gym
Sunday
5K race!
Bring lunches to work. Plan for small dinners at home. Stick to 1600 cals as much as possible, continue 16:8 IF. Drink lots of water.
Friday, December 2, 2016
Finally, again
Oh gosh, I am back under 300 pounds again this morning, just – 299.2. I'll take it. Honestly I'd thought I would have quicker progress this week, but give me any progress and I will be grateful for it at this point.
I feel like my life has changed so much since Saturday and my first training session back with Rick! It's amazing how making a couple little adjustments in your life can make it so different, even better, in a short time. I've already paid into my training commitment that will take me to the end of the year, so that I am certain to start the new year on a good foot. That feels really good.
I've also been enjoying doing care-based things for myself like taking luxurious baths in LUSH products (about once a week or so, I need to restock soon!), using moisturizer on my face every morning (though I forgot today, go figure – also trying to get into the evening habit, too, but not doing well on that front), and dressing myself up, even in a small way with a fancier necklace. My office is very casual and I have worn jeans my fair share of times, but I actually feel so much more confident when I "dress for success" – even if that just means dress pants and said fancy necklace.
Another thing that I'm really loving is wearing my Kat Von D lipstick again (the most gorgeous red), LUSH Karma perfume, and that my haircut is finally starting to become a real part of me. While my body may not be exactly where I'd like it, I can still walk around feeling very good about myself because of the way I'm taking care of it in the meantime. That's a big realization!
Clothes-wise, there are two main things that I'd like to execute as staples – well, I pretty much have been, but I want to do it more intentionally:
• Wear more dresses! Getting ready in the morning for work couldn't be more easy when I can just throw on a comfortable jersey knit dress, leggings, and my Fluevog boots. I have this other lace number from Target that I need to shrink into that I can't wait to wear, too. I will keep an eye out for more dresses in my shopping future.
• Easy-to-coordinate separates, like Garanimals for adults, and layers. I do this by default most of the time, really. I never grew out of my corduroys, camisole, and cardigan phase from the early-mid 90s. It never gets old or out of fashion, if you ask me. Today my variation on this is grey dress pants, a long, black tank top under a long sleeve asymmetric burgundy jersey knit shirt, topped with a light grey fine-knit cardigan. (Plus big colorful necklace.)
I can't tell you how many tank tops and camisoles I own. LOTS. I collect cardigans like a fiend. I'm actually fresh out of corduroys but have plenty of other pants. One thing missing from my separates equation is skirts – all A-line, all the time, thank you! I have one black microsuede one that I've had for YEARS, and I would love to have a dozen made with its same shape in different colors and textures. I actually used to make those for myself and sure I could again, but it would be a matter of, oh you know, actually doing it. But maybe I will!
There are some other interesting things going on in my life that I won't share here, but suffice it to say that I have high hopes for the new year and look forward to slash and burning the memory of 2016, which was a challenging year in so many ways.
I feel like my life has changed so much since Saturday and my first training session back with Rick! It's amazing how making a couple little adjustments in your life can make it so different, even better, in a short time. I've already paid into my training commitment that will take me to the end of the year, so that I am certain to start the new year on a good foot. That feels really good.
I've also been enjoying doing care-based things for myself like taking luxurious baths in LUSH products (about once a week or so, I need to restock soon!), using moisturizer on my face every morning (though I forgot today, go figure – also trying to get into the evening habit, too, but not doing well on that front), and dressing myself up, even in a small way with a fancier necklace. My office is very casual and I have worn jeans my fair share of times, but I actually feel so much more confident when I "dress for success" – even if that just means dress pants and said fancy necklace.
Another thing that I'm really loving is wearing my Kat Von D lipstick again (the most gorgeous red), LUSH Karma perfume, and that my haircut is finally starting to become a real part of me. While my body may not be exactly where I'd like it, I can still walk around feeling very good about myself because of the way I'm taking care of it in the meantime. That's a big realization!
Clothes-wise, there are two main things that I'd like to execute as staples – well, I pretty much have been, but I want to do it more intentionally:
• Wear more dresses! Getting ready in the morning for work couldn't be more easy when I can just throw on a comfortable jersey knit dress, leggings, and my Fluevog boots. I have this other lace number from Target that I need to shrink into that I can't wait to wear, too. I will keep an eye out for more dresses in my shopping future.
• Easy-to-coordinate separates, like Garanimals for adults, and layers. I do this by default most of the time, really. I never grew out of my corduroys, camisole, and cardigan phase from the early-mid 90s. It never gets old or out of fashion, if you ask me. Today my variation on this is grey dress pants, a long, black tank top under a long sleeve asymmetric burgundy jersey knit shirt, topped with a light grey fine-knit cardigan. (Plus big colorful necklace.)
I can't tell you how many tank tops and camisoles I own. LOTS. I collect cardigans like a fiend. I'm actually fresh out of corduroys but have plenty of other pants. One thing missing from my separates equation is skirts – all A-line, all the time, thank you! I have one black microsuede one that I've had for YEARS, and I would love to have a dozen made with its same shape in different colors and textures. I actually used to make those for myself and sure I could again, but it would be a matter of, oh you know, actually doing it. But maybe I will!
There are some other interesting things going on in my life that I won't share here, but suffice it to say that I have high hopes for the new year and look forward to slash and burning the memory of 2016, which was a challenging year in so many ways.
Wednesday, November 30, 2016
See ya, November!
November has been a mixed bag. I ended October on a excellent note (289!), but not too far into this month, things just got bad to worse as far as my eating and stuff went. Looking at the logbook portion of my Happy Scale app, I can see clearly that the whole month I've been hovering right around 300 pounds fairly consistently. Argh. Not what I had hoped for.
But, I have been determined to leave this November behind me and on a positive note. I started working out again, and tonight I am going on my first Wednesday group run at Fleet Feet in a long time, as well as it's the first in a line of Wednesday runs after work that are on my calendar. I'm excited! I little scared, too, but I know after doing Rick's intervals on the treadmill that I can still run, if only for a few minutes at a time. I'll do intervals of my own tonight as well.
Sitting here at the third day of the new week, I can say that I have had a good run on eating as well. Rick had suggested dropping down to 1600 cals a day, which I initially balked at; but I've been doing just that since Monday with relatively little trouble. I'm also still doing the 16:8 Intermittent Fasting thing, and I am generally keeping an eye on my carb level as well, trying to keep it between 50 and 100 each day. Today I happen to be higher, but I'm not going to fret over it.
After being up up up on the scale (I skipped weighing on Monday but suspect I was at least 304), I am back down to 300 even today, and hope that by the end of the week 300 will be but a memory again. The trick is now, can I keep it going and not revert back like I've done over and over again the past few months?
Well, I have to if I want to reach my goals. That's all there is to it.
I like what one of my MFP friends responded with on one of my posts:
Fall seven times. Get up eight. – Japanese proverb
(Even though it's been closer to 100 times, I'm still getting up.)
But, I have been determined to leave this November behind me and on a positive note. I started working out again, and tonight I am going on my first Wednesday group run at Fleet Feet in a long time, as well as it's the first in a line of Wednesday runs after work that are on my calendar. I'm excited! I little scared, too, but I know after doing Rick's intervals on the treadmill that I can still run, if only for a few minutes at a time. I'll do intervals of my own tonight as well.
Sitting here at the third day of the new week, I can say that I have had a good run on eating as well. Rick had suggested dropping down to 1600 cals a day, which I initially balked at; but I've been doing just that since Monday with relatively little trouble. I'm also still doing the 16:8 Intermittent Fasting thing, and I am generally keeping an eye on my carb level as well, trying to keep it between 50 and 100 each day. Today I happen to be higher, but I'm not going to fret over it.
After being up up up on the scale (I skipped weighing on Monday but suspect I was at least 304), I am back down to 300 even today, and hope that by the end of the week 300 will be but a memory again. The trick is now, can I keep it going and not revert back like I've done over and over again the past few months?
Well, I have to if I want to reach my goals. That's all there is to it.
I like what one of my MFP friends responded with on one of my posts:
Fall seven times. Get up eight. – Japanese proverb
(Even though it's been closer to 100 times, I'm still getting up.)
Tuesday, November 29, 2016
Tight Pants Suck
Need I say more? If I don't watch it (but don't worry, I am), I'm going to bust out of the pants I've been wearing. Today I wore the size 20 jeans that were starting to get big on me not too long ago, fresh out of the laundry and... well, if it wasn't for the slight spandex or whatever gives it some stretch, I'd be in trouble. I could zip them up and I wore them OK today, but they are definitely tighter than I'd ever want.
The good news is... I am working with my trainer Rick again regularly! He's been inviting me for a complimentary session at the new gym he is associated with, so I finally took advantage of his offer on Saturday morning, kind of on a whim.
I'm SO glad I did. I met Rick when I had a membership at LA Fitness and when my regular trainer went on vacation. I really liked him right away and he ended up being an awesome support and cheerleader! He's a super nice guy, 50-ish, and a bodybuilder – he competes and everything. But I have always felt like he really GETS me. When I was at LA, I had to commit to six months of training sessions and pay for a month's block of sessions at a time all the time, no exceptions. It was OK, and I really loved those sessions and felt they were worth every penny, but when the six months was over, I admit it, I was relieved, if only for the rigid financial commitment.
This is a different story now. The gym we meet at is a small, locally owned place and pretty no-frills – but has all the things I need to get a good workout. And because I am dealing directly with Rick, things are totally flexible, payment-wise. I am actually really super excited about this.
My first workout on Saturday went well. I've definitely lost some of my fitness, as is to be expected, but Rick was impressed with how much I did retain, and of course how much I have improved since we first started working together in mid-2015. Well, me too, I guess! He's having me come in on Saturday mornings and Monday evenings, and maybe one other day during the week, though I want to take things a little slower to start. Plus I have to get running in there sometime!
Talking about goals with him, I almost surprised myself with my response: To gain strength and endurance in order to be a better runner, and to just have better fitness overall. Weight loss came last in the equation – of course I want that, too, but working out has a new meaning to me now than it did a year or two ago. That REALLY pleased me. At last night's session, he had me do some intervals on the treadmill and while I was mad about the endurance level, I was also feeling pretty strong and capable, things like: I know I have good running form, for instance. I learned a lot since last year. I feel it. We did some stretching and some core bodyweight exercises, all kinds of stuff.
Then we went over to the weights area where I got to see this kick ass young woman doing some lifting. I don't any of the technical terms, but all I knew was that I wanted to do that one day, too. And I loved that she was the only lady in the room and seemed to have total respect of the "lunkheads" in the room (just teasing, guys!). I won't start on that stuff yet, but Rick is going to help me build up to it one of these days.
Anyway... I am really happy.
I have had a couple good eating days after way overindulging over the weekend. I'm still just over 300 but I don't think I will be for long. I'm hanging in and hanging tough.
The good news is... I am working with my trainer Rick again regularly! He's been inviting me for a complimentary session at the new gym he is associated with, so I finally took advantage of his offer on Saturday morning, kind of on a whim.
I'm SO glad I did. I met Rick when I had a membership at LA Fitness and when my regular trainer went on vacation. I really liked him right away and he ended up being an awesome support and cheerleader! He's a super nice guy, 50-ish, and a bodybuilder – he competes and everything. But I have always felt like he really GETS me. When I was at LA, I had to commit to six months of training sessions and pay for a month's block of sessions at a time all the time, no exceptions. It was OK, and I really loved those sessions and felt they were worth every penny, but when the six months was over, I admit it, I was relieved, if only for the rigid financial commitment.
This is a different story now. The gym we meet at is a small, locally owned place and pretty no-frills – but has all the things I need to get a good workout. And because I am dealing directly with Rick, things are totally flexible, payment-wise. I am actually really super excited about this.
My first workout on Saturday went well. I've definitely lost some of my fitness, as is to be expected, but Rick was impressed with how much I did retain, and of course how much I have improved since we first started working together in mid-2015. Well, me too, I guess! He's having me come in on Saturday mornings and Monday evenings, and maybe one other day during the week, though I want to take things a little slower to start. Plus I have to get running in there sometime!
Talking about goals with him, I almost surprised myself with my response: To gain strength and endurance in order to be a better runner, and to just have better fitness overall. Weight loss came last in the equation – of course I want that, too, but working out has a new meaning to me now than it did a year or two ago. That REALLY pleased me. At last night's session, he had me do some intervals on the treadmill and while I was mad about the endurance level, I was also feeling pretty strong and capable, things like: I know I have good running form, for instance. I learned a lot since last year. I feel it. We did some stretching and some core bodyweight exercises, all kinds of stuff.
Then we went over to the weights area where I got to see this kick ass young woman doing some lifting. I don't any of the technical terms, but all I knew was that I wanted to do that one day, too. And I loved that she was the only lady in the room and seemed to have total respect of the "lunkheads" in the room (just teasing, guys!). I won't start on that stuff yet, but Rick is going to help me build up to it one of these days.
Anyway... I am really happy.
I have had a couple good eating days after way overindulging over the weekend. I'm still just over 300 but I don't think I will be for long. I'm hanging in and hanging tough.
Tuesday, November 22, 2016
Gratitude Catch-Up
It's been days and days since my last gratitude post. I have some catching up to do!
(Related but not on the list, today I am super grateful to have off from work tomorrow until the following Monday! Hooray for long holiday weekends. I have worked at jobs where I was required to work holidays, so I never take this for granted.)
Day 17: What knowledge are you grateful for?
I think the better question here is, what knowledge am I NOT grateful for? I am like a sponge and love learning new things, always. If I could go to college forever, I would, which is one of the reasons why I still teach (online) – I always learn something with every new set of students I have. I don't mind getting older because I know I am only getting smarter. Give me all the knowledge.
Day 18: What piece of art are you grateful for?
Oh wow – as many of you may know, I am an artist. So while this is kind of an easy one, it's also a hard one because there have been so many works of art that have been important to me. However, I always come back to this one sculpture that has been in my life since my first visits to the Albright-Knox Art Gallery as a child in the 70s – Marisol's Baby Girl, and also The Generals by the same artist. Oh! But then there is Nikki de Saint Phalle's Nana. It's funny, because I've really never done any sculpture myself, and these pieces are pretty different from anything I've made... but maybe they aren't really. Anyway. They all made a big impression on a young girl from a nearby farm town. Oh, oh, sorry – I can't leave out Miro, either. His Femme et oiseaux dans la nuit was an early source of fascination for me. All of these art experiences helped shape who I am at my core. I knew from an early age that I wanted to be an artist.
Day 19: What touch are you grateful for?
It is easy to say I am always happy to be near my partner of almost 17 years and feel his touch. Aw!
Day 20: What in your life are you grateful for?
Really? Some of these questions, sheesh. To me this would be a summation of everything I've been and will be writing about as part of this exercise. Come on.
Day 21: What song are you grateful for?
There are too many to name. Questions like this send me over the edge, like "What's your favorite band?" Argh! I don't knooooowww!
Day 22: What story are you grateful for?
Ugh, I don't know.
(Related but not on the list, today I am super grateful to have off from work tomorrow until the following Monday! Hooray for long holiday weekends. I have worked at jobs where I was required to work holidays, so I never take this for granted.)
Day 17: What knowledge are you grateful for?
I think the better question here is, what knowledge am I NOT grateful for? I am like a sponge and love learning new things, always. If I could go to college forever, I would, which is one of the reasons why I still teach (online) – I always learn something with every new set of students I have. I don't mind getting older because I know I am only getting smarter. Give me all the knowledge.
 |
| Miro's painting at the Albright-Knox Art Gallery, Buffalo, NY. |
Day 18: What piece of art are you grateful for?
Oh wow – as many of you may know, I am an artist. So while this is kind of an easy one, it's also a hard one because there have been so many works of art that have been important to me. However, I always come back to this one sculpture that has been in my life since my first visits to the Albright-Knox Art Gallery as a child in the 70s – Marisol's Baby Girl, and also The Generals by the same artist. Oh! But then there is Nikki de Saint Phalle's Nana. It's funny, because I've really never done any sculpture myself, and these pieces are pretty different from anything I've made... but maybe they aren't really. Anyway. They all made a big impression on a young girl from a nearby farm town. Oh, oh, sorry – I can't leave out Miro, either. His Femme et oiseaux dans la nuit was an early source of fascination for me. All of these art experiences helped shape who I am at my core. I knew from an early age that I wanted to be an artist.
Day 19: What touch are you grateful for?
It is easy to say I am always happy to be near my partner of almost 17 years and feel his touch. Aw!
Day 20: What in your life are you grateful for?
Really? Some of these questions, sheesh. To me this would be a summation of everything I've been and will be writing about as part of this exercise. Come on.
Day 21: What song are you grateful for?
There are too many to name. Questions like this send me over the edge, like "What's your favorite band?" Argh! I don't knooooowww!
Day 22: What story are you grateful for?
Ugh, I don't know.
Monday, November 21, 2016
A Waste Of
HI! Hi hi.
I just want to bitch a little bit about today's choices so far.
I skipped breakfast but ate some Swedish fish I bought a couple days ago. They weren't even that good, to be honest.
Then... lunch. I have been pretty bad about lunch the past couple weeks, in both regards to what I am eating and how much I am spending. I think I have to set some rules after today. I ended up going to Wegmans again because I wanted more Halo Top with raspberries (more on that later). Well, I got those things but on top of that, some mac and cheese from the hot bar and two italian rolls. The rolls were the least of my problems – 130 cals and like 60 cents each or something. Add up the rest of it, though? Lunch added up to over $18.00, which is STUPID. There is no other word for it. Just plain stupid. A pretty small container of hot bar mac and cheese cost over six dollars. *tsk* But also the Halo Top and package of raspberries was about $10.00 alone! Ugh. And now I am full and while I have a decent amount of calories in my day, I feel shitty about lunch and overly full and just yuck about the whole thing. Out of control. Helpless.
A note about Halo Top: Well, they say it about themselves, too – let that sucker sit on your counter for a while so it melts a bit. THEN it tastes pretty darned good. Today I had the strawberry flavor, which was fine. You know why I like Halo Top, though? I see it as a vehicle. A creamy, ice creamy vehicle for other stuff like fresh berries. So what I do is let mine melt a bit and then I start dropping in raspberries, one berry at a time, and mix it in. Then the amazing happens. It tastes really good and it is really filling. I don't know why I thought I should also have hot bar or even rolls. The rolls were super fresh and tasty, though. The mac and cheese was OK, but not six + dollars OK.
Ugh. Ugh. Ugh.
Well, we have our plans for the days leading up to Thanksgiving, food-wise. I'm making a big batch of burritos that will feed us for at least tonight, tomorrow, and maybe into the next day. I make a pot of doctored up black beans and just fry up some ground beef with taco seasoning, pretty simple. It's not the super healthiest meal as we tend load up the cheese and sour cream on 'em, but they are easy and filling, which is fine for my busy week ahead. On Wednesday, I'm working at home and also going to be picking up the farm-raised turkey; my partner is coming along for the long drive so we decided to just get something while we're out. Done and done. It's nice not to have to worry about stuff.
(I did finally roast a head of cauliflower I had from weeks ago, though! I cut off the black spots and drizzled it with olive oil and salt and pepper. It was yummy, and I should have brought it for lunch today.)
I haven't run since Election Day. Last night I had a dream about running a 5K, which I will be doing in the early part of December... in the dream I ran just fine but got snagged in a restroom. I couldn't go even though I really had to. Well, I plan to get a 5K something in on Thanksgiving day as my personal Turkey Trot, something I skipped doing last year and regret to this day. I also want to see where I stand as far my capabilities... can I even still do it? I'm going to have to finish no matter how I execute it.
Anyway... lots on my mind. I'm still hovering around 300 pounds, more than 30 pounds more than what I weighed a year ago. That makes me mad and disappointed. Talk about a waste of, right?
I want this coming year to be a losing year, not a gaining year like 2016 was.
I just discovered Casey Neistat today following the announcement of his quitting his daily vlog. I'd never heard of this guy before, and ended up getting sucked into watching several YouTube posts. There's a lot to like about him and I will be following what he does next for sure, but one thing I took away in one his episodes was that the only thing standing between YOU and ALL THE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO IN LIFE is DOING IT. It is such a simple concept which now seems obvious to me, but I think it's something that can really serve me well in the coming months. How do I get the things I want for myself? I do them.
I DO THEM.
And I definitely stop buying eighteen dollar lunches at the supermarket.
I just want to bitch a little bit about today's choices so far.
I skipped breakfast but ate some Swedish fish I bought a couple days ago. They weren't even that good, to be honest.
Then... lunch. I have been pretty bad about lunch the past couple weeks, in both regards to what I am eating and how much I am spending. I think I have to set some rules after today. I ended up going to Wegmans again because I wanted more Halo Top with raspberries (more on that later). Well, I got those things but on top of that, some mac and cheese from the hot bar and two italian rolls. The rolls were the least of my problems – 130 cals and like 60 cents each or something. Add up the rest of it, though? Lunch added up to over $18.00, which is STUPID. There is no other word for it. Just plain stupid. A pretty small container of hot bar mac and cheese cost over six dollars. *tsk* But also the Halo Top and package of raspberries was about $10.00 alone! Ugh. And now I am full and while I have a decent amount of calories in my day, I feel shitty about lunch and overly full and just yuck about the whole thing. Out of control. Helpless.
A note about Halo Top: Well, they say it about themselves, too – let that sucker sit on your counter for a while so it melts a bit. THEN it tastes pretty darned good. Today I had the strawberry flavor, which was fine. You know why I like Halo Top, though? I see it as a vehicle. A creamy, ice creamy vehicle for other stuff like fresh berries. So what I do is let mine melt a bit and then I start dropping in raspberries, one berry at a time, and mix it in. Then the amazing happens. It tastes really good and it is really filling. I don't know why I thought I should also have hot bar or even rolls. The rolls were super fresh and tasty, though. The mac and cheese was OK, but not six + dollars OK.
Ugh. Ugh. Ugh.
Well, we have our plans for the days leading up to Thanksgiving, food-wise. I'm making a big batch of burritos that will feed us for at least tonight, tomorrow, and maybe into the next day. I make a pot of doctored up black beans and just fry up some ground beef with taco seasoning, pretty simple. It's not the super healthiest meal as we tend load up the cheese and sour cream on 'em, but they are easy and filling, which is fine for my busy week ahead. On Wednesday, I'm working at home and also going to be picking up the farm-raised turkey; my partner is coming along for the long drive so we decided to just get something while we're out. Done and done. It's nice not to have to worry about stuff.
(I did finally roast a head of cauliflower I had from weeks ago, though! I cut off the black spots and drizzled it with olive oil and salt and pepper. It was yummy, and I should have brought it for lunch today.)
I haven't run since Election Day. Last night I had a dream about running a 5K, which I will be doing in the early part of December... in the dream I ran just fine but got snagged in a restroom. I couldn't go even though I really had to. Well, I plan to get a 5K something in on Thanksgiving day as my personal Turkey Trot, something I skipped doing last year and regret to this day. I also want to see where I stand as far my capabilities... can I even still do it? I'm going to have to finish no matter how I execute it.
Anyway... lots on my mind. I'm still hovering around 300 pounds, more than 30 pounds more than what I weighed a year ago. That makes me mad and disappointed. Talk about a waste of, right?
I want this coming year to be a losing year, not a gaining year like 2016 was.
I just discovered Casey Neistat today following the announcement of his quitting his daily vlog. I'd never heard of this guy before, and ended up getting sucked into watching several YouTube posts. There's a lot to like about him and I will be following what he does next for sure, but one thing I took away in one his episodes was that the only thing standing between YOU and ALL THE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO IN LIFE is DOING IT. It is such a simple concept which now seems obvious to me, but I think it's something that can really serve me well in the coming months. How do I get the things I want for myself? I do them.
I DO THEM.
And I definitely stop buying eighteen dollar lunches at the supermarket.
Wednesday, November 16, 2016
A Day in Review (Almost)
Well, it's not quite the end of my day, but I wanted to check in while I still have the chance to – I have a company dinner that I am attending and won't get home until late.
News on the scale was a little better this morning – 301.8, so down a couple few pounds. But still not where I want to be.
Today I planned on a more or less low carb day, kind of. I went ahead and had the free work bagel (every Wednesday!), so that was a whole day's worth of VLC right there. Lunch was a little better and I focused on lean protein (roasted turkey breast) and low-carb veggies (cauliflower and sauteed kale) from Wegmans' hot bar. Very delicious and very satisfying.
But then I was also hell bent on trying one of the new Halo Top ice cream flavors, too. I ended up with the Oatmeal Cookie flavor, which was quite good, especially when mixing fresh raspberries into the slightly melted pint. That really made it. Unfortunately I made the mistake of thinking that the whole pint was 12 carbs, when it is 12 carbs per servings. Of course I ate the whole pint, so there went another day's worth of VLC. *cue sad trombone* I'm still under 150 grams of carb at this point, which is still considered to be low carb by some, so... whatever.
Cals-wise I should be right around goal if I was just calorie counting for the day. I guess today has ended up being a hybrid of the two! Just plain looking at the eating... I didn't need to eat a pint of ice cream after having a satisfying lunch, even if it is really low in calories, right? Especially looking ahead to later when I'll be eating on the company dime and would want to indulge a little. At this point I'm going to go the route of either a steak and vegetable, or salad. I'm planning not to drink alcohol.
Now, for some gratitude:
Day 16: What about your body are you most grateful for?
Oh gosh. This one is easy. I am so grateful for its resiliency and its power. I still don't feel like I'm 100% OK with it, but I give it a lot of credit for what I've put it through, all the abuse... and it still functions pretty darned well and MORE. At close to 300 pounds it will run a mile plus. That impresses me. I'm still working on honoring and respecting my body more and hopeful that it forgives me for all my transgressions. My body is the only one I'll have. She is wonderful.
P.S. I got a haircut! It turned out very similar to the last one I had. I like it, but it's a lot of inches off and there is always an adjustment period.
News on the scale was a little better this morning – 301.8, so down a couple few pounds. But still not where I want to be.
Today I planned on a more or less low carb day, kind of. I went ahead and had the free work bagel (every Wednesday!), so that was a whole day's worth of VLC right there. Lunch was a little better and I focused on lean protein (roasted turkey breast) and low-carb veggies (cauliflower and sauteed kale) from Wegmans' hot bar. Very delicious and very satisfying.
But then I was also hell bent on trying one of the new Halo Top ice cream flavors, too. I ended up with the Oatmeal Cookie flavor, which was quite good, especially when mixing fresh raspberries into the slightly melted pint. That really made it. Unfortunately I made the mistake of thinking that the whole pint was 12 carbs, when it is 12 carbs per servings. Of course I ate the whole pint, so there went another day's worth of VLC. *cue sad trombone* I'm still under 150 grams of carb at this point, which is still considered to be low carb by some, so... whatever.
Cals-wise I should be right around goal if I was just calorie counting for the day. I guess today has ended up being a hybrid of the two! Just plain looking at the eating... I didn't need to eat a pint of ice cream after having a satisfying lunch, even if it is really low in calories, right? Especially looking ahead to later when I'll be eating on the company dime and would want to indulge a little. At this point I'm going to go the route of either a steak and vegetable, or salad. I'm planning not to drink alcohol.
Now, for some gratitude:
Day 16: What about your body are you most grateful for?
Oh gosh. This one is easy. I am so grateful for its resiliency and its power. I still don't feel like I'm 100% OK with it, but I give it a lot of credit for what I've put it through, all the abuse... and it still functions pretty darned well and MORE. At close to 300 pounds it will run a mile plus. That impresses me. I'm still working on honoring and respecting my body more and hopeful that it forgives me for all my transgressions. My body is the only one I'll have. She is wonderful.
P.S. I got a haircut! It turned out very similar to the last one I had. I like it, but it's a lot of inches off and there is always an adjustment period.
 |
| Hairs cut! This is just the rolled-out-of-bed version. |
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