About Last Night

OMG, Sad Ghost Club! Ack.

So, I'm not going to go all political on you here. I do that enough on Facebook, and get into plenty of... shall we say... discussions over what's been going on in our country. I will tell you, though, that I was pretty devastated by the results of the presidential election the other night. I stayed up until it was obvious what was going to happen, I cried, I went to bed.

Because it was such a late night and because I'd been drinking through my despair, I had put in for a vacation day from work yesterday. But, last minute and with a (somewhat) clearer head in the morning, I went in anyway, albeit late. It was hard to focus and I was feeling pretty angry, disappointed, despondent... all the feels. I had decided that I was going to eat whatever the hell I wanted to, because why did any of it matter anyway?

I had a long lunch with my good friend Megan and we commiserated over delicious wood oven pizza (I had the portobello mushroom white pizza, by the way. Yum!). I also had some delicious creamy potato sausage soup with greens... the ultimate fall/winter soup indeed. The pizza was big, but the crust super thin. I was just like, whatever. I ate half of the pizza and the soup. Not too big a deal, honestly.

Later things ended up being more of a disaster. I ended up going back to the same restaurant on the way home to pick up more pizza for my partner, and decided to get another pizza for me because the pizza I'd had earlier was a white pizza and I wanted sauce. So what ended up happening was that I ate that whole pizza PLUS the pizza leftovers I had from lunch PLUS a huge, thick, iced cut-out cookie in the shape of a pumpkin.

Man. I just kept eating even though I was totally full. I really did. I ate in a way that I haven't done in a really, really long time. It was awful. I mean, the food was wonderful. I should have saved it so that I could truly enjoy it. What I was doing was just shoving it in my pie hole, just because.

Does Trump care that I did that? No. Sometimes our method of thinking is completely irrational. "I'll show that jerk, and all those jerks who voted for him... I'll eat whatever I want!" Oh my god. That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard (well, aside from the actual election, of course), but that was my train of thought. I'll show you!

This morning I did not get on the scale. I fear that I put myself well over 300 now. Today, I feel a little better, or at least a little more rational, and I am giving my body a break by taking a fast day – lots of water and green tea. It's also giving my brain a break from not having to worry about food, just as I have mentioned in the past. Thinking about food and choosing what to eat can sometimes cause me a lot of stress, so choosing not to eat at all once in a while is a huge relief.

Just – breathe in... breathe out.

Be kind to yourself, Amy. Self-care, not self-harm. Bring yourself back to a better place.

Putting a smile on and giving myself a hug!

How do YOU deal? How are you doing? I'd love to hear from you (unless you're a spammer).