The Ultimate Goal

Lately when I step on the scale I am always, um, fearful. I don't even watch the scale while it does its calculating anymore, instead looking anywhere else but down until I hear the beep telling me it's got a result. Today was no exception and figured that since I felt fat that I must have gained weight. (I know, I know—I AM fat, but even fat girls have "fat" days and "thin" days.) To my glee and surprise, the scale read a new low for this time around: 323 pounds even!

Yes.

As I said yesterday, my goal this week is to remain below 325, and it still is. Just a couple more days to go, and I am well on my way to getting below 320. It will be nice to say "I lost 20 pounds so far" again, which will be once I hit 316.6.

The best part about this is that it means I have gained less than half of what I lost last year, as opposed to nearly all. This is a pretty new thing for me. In the past, I have gained any weight that I've lost within a year. This time, it's different. I've decided to say goodbye to the past and say hello to the future, doing new, different things to affect how things turn out.

I have expectations, as you know. And I've decided that by the end of the summer (say, the end of August), I'd like to be securely under 300 pounds. I expect to be.

I also expect to stay the course until I have reached my ultimate goal.

One very positive step I have taken toward this is having joined gym with a year-long commitment. This will ensure continued exercise through winter, when I don't really care being outside to walk or run. That was one of my downfalls last year. I sort of gave up on exercise because I didn't want to go outside. (Not that there weren't things I could have done in the house, of course!)

I don't think I have talked about an ultimate goal here yet, that is, where I want to end up. While I am trying to focus more on the smaller goals in between, I have been thinking about what weight I'd like to try for. That number is somewhere below 200, I suspect somewhere between 165 and 185. I do have photos of myself from a time when I weighed that much or even less, but it is hard to envision the more grown-up version of myself being that small. It kind of doesn't seem possible, to be honest. But I have to try to believe that it is, because that is where I want to find myself.

I just wanted to share with you quickly the reason why I weigh every morning. This is my Physics Diet chart for the past month. It's a groovy device that not only tracks your daily weight, but also the trend of your weight. I love it because even if I seem to have a bit of a plateau, or fluctuate for a few days, I can still see that the overall effect of my efforts is a positive one. I am so proud that I have managed to stay "in the green" since I began on May 1st. It's a real thrill. So, see? Daily weigh can be a very constructive weapon in your arsenal if used correctly. You can click on the chart to see it larger, and see that it's not been all downhill for me—yet still progressive! The green field is so inspiring and encouraging to me. It tells me, even on a bad day, that I am taking positive steps to become healthier, more fit, and of course, lighter.



Here's to more green pastures and blue skies!