Day 11! Almost two weeks under my belt. I still have not strayed from the doctor's directive. (Except, OK, I stepped on the scale very casually today and saw that I am down another three pounds or so — I honestly do think I'll have C. hide it for me. It's too easy to get obsessed and I'd like to break with that.)
I had another dinner out, yesterday with a couple good friends to the local Mafia haunt. (I'm half joking.) There were several things on the menu that I could have had, but settled on something that I don't usually have access to or would not be inclined to cook myself: Calamari á la Marinara. Simple, just fresh squid and marinara sauce. It was surprisingly good, and satisfying — the squid was almost like pasta, to tell the truth. I also has a dinner salad with balsamic vinaigrette (my preferred dressing no matter what), and a side of veggies (beans and carrots). My friends, on the other hand, ordered bruschetta, a whole order for the two of them thinking that it would be half a baguette loaf, or even less. No. It turned out to be a whole loaf of Italian bread, cut in half horizontally, covered in tomatoes and cheese and whatever else is in bruschetta. Oh dear god, did I ever want some bruschetta. But not really. I told them that it didn't bother me and I meant what I said.
Oh, and we shared a bottle of Riesling.
Point being, this was of eating is totally doable. Even at an Italian restaurant.
The other part of the directive that I also have not followed is the walking part. I did that one stroll a few days ago, and that's it. Since then, I have had one of the worst periods that I can remember and totally feeling like crap. It was all I could do to get myself out of bed today to go and teach, in fact. I have made a promise to myself, however, that as soon as old Aunt Flow decides to leave town, I will go on a walk every single day. I need to.
One more food note: I find myself eating MUCH less in general, and thinking about salad and feeling satisfied with a nice big bowl of it as a meal option. I genuinely enjoy the part where I get to eat healthy foods as a matter of course and thereby sort of honor my body and my health. I eat a lot of salad stuffs and a lot of low-fat yogurt, and some fruit and some eggs and chicken and shrimp. I'd like to start looking for more simple, tasty recipes for preparing these things, but lately I have a small repertoire that I feel comfortable with and reliant on — and, of course, not sick of yet!
More importantly, aside from my transgressions with the scale, I do feel quite different psychologically, and it is hard to explain. This is the feeling that is making it easier for me to get through this than I ever imagined — really positive stuff. It's something that I really want to hold onto, and making me re-examine how stressed out I make myself sometimes, and how I want to get in touch with myself on a much deeper level, too. I've been considering a meditation practice, as well as trying yoga on for size. There was a certain book I read recently (whose title shall go unnamed, as I find it slightly embarrassing) that really inspired me to this, and then all this stuff happened... it feels like fate is calling my name and lighting up arrows for me, all pointed in a certain direction...
On a good friend's recommendation, I picked up a meditation guide, and I also got a rec for a yoga studio right in town from another, so suffice it to say that I will be seeing whether these two things have a spot in my life and will be helpful to me — and soon!
I hate to be all Pollyanna all the time about this, but man! I haven't felt like I was heading in such a good direction in a really long time, if ever.
This is about so much more than my weight, or my issues with food. This is my life.