Wednesday, August 26, 2009


A funny thing happened this morning. I forgot to weigh myself.

I was all dressed and ready to go work, doing the last chore of the morning, watering the container garden and it suddenly struck me: I forgot to weigh myself!

This is so odd because it really has become an integrated part of my morning routine. I guess I have been so distracted lately, and I was so focused on getting to work early, that I just breezed by that particular portion of the sequence.

This makes me kind of happy, as it tells me that I am not as obsessed with the scale as I was thinking I might be. Of course, here I am blogging about the whole stupid thing, so I guess I am regardless, ha!

Yesterday's eating was nothing to write home about, and we went to the drive-in to see Inglourious Basterds (it was funny and weird and poignant, too) last night which always includes hot buttered popcorn and a pretzel from the snack bar. Seriously, I dare you NOT to buy something from the drive-in snack bar. Haven't you seen those PSAs they show before the previews guilting you into it? Telling you that the only way the drive-in can survive these days is through snack bar sales? Seriously. I'm not going to be the one responsible for the final demise of a true, valuable American institution. No way. Not me.

I still find myself with a good attitude about this particular journey despite feeling like the rest of my world is crumbling around me. So, I think that's pretty good.

One day at a time.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009


I was surprised when I got on the scale this morning. It read 317. For some reason I was expecting a big gain, so this was a wonderful thing indeed.

I still haven't been tracking food again or doing much of anything, except weighing in the morning and drinking my water. And here, my boyfriend sent me a link that is another good reason to stop drinking my soda of choice, Diet Pepsi. So I guess it stops again, which is good. I am so against Monsanto that this news is enough for me to never lay a Pepsi product on my tongue again. They don't give a crap, it sounds like to me!

Things have been very, very stressful lately, especially in my personal life. I don't know when it will be relieved, so I am just trying to deal and not let myself get out of hand to compensate for it. You know, comfort food and drink. Trying to avoid that and just focus on eating for fuel and health, minus the cookies that have been out in the break room at work, leftover from the company picnic over the weekend. We are battling, and I'd say we are about even. That means, I am eating a few during the day but not going totally crazy. I'm craving balance in my life. And control.

Food and eating, I suppose, is a way to do that when everything else is going to crap.

Or just focusing on taking care of the physical me when the mental and emotional me is impossible to reign in right now.

Give and take.

Have to stay healthy.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Green Day

No, not the band... it's my first day back in the green on my Physics Diet chart in more than two weeks! I'm am so happy about this, and also happy to report another good loss this morning, back down to 317.4.

While I know that my eating was not great during that time, I am wondering how much of that weight gain was hormones. It was the time leading up to my period, and now that I am in my last days of it, weight is coming off again. I also sort of forgot that I started on a new kind of pill a few weeks ago, too. Duh. This could be a major factor in my wacky gain. I can't believe I didn't think of this before.

Anyway, this is really just the confidence boost I needed to start nice and clean tomorrow. Not to mention, I should say, all the wonderful, thoughtful comments you readers have been leaving for me! I can't put into words how much that means to me. Some of you have been with me from the very beginning of my old blog, and I am forever grateful for your support, whether it's been since January 2008 or since yesterday. It's really true, having a good support system makes all the difference! I may not be losing weight at a fast pace, but I have never fully given up since blogging about my experiences—and it is because of my friends here. Thank you.

Here's looking forward to an awesome, fresh week!

Friday, August 21, 2009

It's Friday Again...

Weight: 320.4
Total Weight loss: 16.2 pounds

Well, I'm up 2.2 pounds from last week.

Things are on hold, I guess. I don't know. I'll continue to report here, and hopefully one of these days soon my switch will turn back on.

Wait, here is a question I hope each one of you will take a moment to answer:

What would you do if you were me right now?

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Hangin' Out

Looks like I am hanging out at 320 lately. It's neither here nor there, I guess.

I do have relatively high hopes for the next little while, though -- no treats or eating out at all until next payday, which isn't until next Wednesday. So, we're on another "forced diet". It's good considering that I've been fudging a lot, that is, eating like crap. (Fudging sounds so much better, no?)

So yesterday I went on our last shopping trip until next week and got fixin's for a huge batch of chili and cornbread, which turned out great and will last us through the end of the week. I also bought microwave popcorn (makes for an easy, fairly healthy snack or even a meal in a pinch), and some fruits and veggies to supplement what we already have in the fridge left over from last week. We have rice and pasta and there is some chicken in the freezer. I can make homemade bread with what we have on hand. We're definitely not going to starve, and we'll eat less and better. It's really kind of a good thing for us not to have money on hand, but it sure is stressful, too. But, we'll get past this, like we always do.

Last night after dinner, C. wondered if I would want to go out and dig up another small plot in the garden to see if we can grow some vegetables from seed with whatever growing season we have remaining. I had some carrot seeds and some Italian greens mix seed, so that is what we did. Not only did we get a good workout, but we're growing even more yummy, healthy stuff to eat. With our couple years' experience under our belt for trying things out (first tomatoes and peppers in containers, then trying to plant a variety of things directly in the ground), next year we're really going to go all out. I'd like to not have to buy veggies at the grocery store at all if I can help it, during growing season anymore. It really does make it easy to want to eat more healthfully—there is nothing like tasting the fruits of your own labor.

In a nutshell? Things could be worse, indeed. I'll get back on.

PS: Oh, and, I just want to say that raw zucchini, cut in slices and popped into your mouth, makes an excellent snack! Very yummy and fresh out of the garden.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Well, well.

I'm floating around, still here though certainly half-heartedly.

I don't know why things have been so hard lately. Actually, scratch that. They really haven't been hard lately; I haven't struggled. I've just been being passive and non-committal, and that's pretty easy to do. I'm still fairly aware when I eat but not exactly vigilant or careful about what kind of food goes in my mouth. I certainly haven't been exercising, either.

But we've been really busy, on the go most days than not. I think that is a good thing. We're pretty actively looking for a new house with my mom, so that's been taking up a lot of space in my brain. I've been really stressed out lately, too. So many things swirling around in my head. It's overwhelming.

My weight has been staying at or under 320, which is good. Today, OK, it is just over that, but close enough that I am not too worried. My Physics Diet chart has been totally in the red.


I'm telling you, though, I refuse to keep heading in the wrong direction. If I am maintaining where I'm at now, fine. But I am not headed beyond that.

Friday, August 14, 2009

Official Weigh-in: Comme ci, comme ca

Weight: 318.2
Total weight loss: 18.4 pounds

Down just a wee bit from last week, so I'll take it. At least I didn't gain more, right? Right??

Yep, hasn't been the best of weeks. Time to get back up, dust myself off, and get back on the skateboard.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Up (I think)

Up this morning, 318.2. Still less than last week's official weigh, but honestly I don't have high hopes for tomorrows. Today has been an odd day... just feeling totally insatiable like I haven't in a long time. I know that PMS has something to do with this, but damn! It's weird.

I won't list the foods I ate today, except to say that it's been a lot (or at least much more than usual) white bread-type stuff. Junk, really, almost all day. We're going out after work to my uncle's house, so I don't know what dinner will be like, but based on my mindset and mood now, I'd say that it's likely I'll be eating more crap.

So I'm not really OK with this, but I also know this whole week is just a temporary setback. I want to stress that to you, too. It's not the end for me or anything.

I don't have much to say, but wanted to check in regardless. Thanks for the encouraging comments you're leaving me... keep 'em coming. I read and cherish each one, believe me.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Down (I think)

The scale is headed back in the right direction, still. Today's weigh put me at 317.2, just ounces away from getting me back into the green on my Physics Diet chart... funny, that. Last week I said my goal was to stay in the green, maybe get down to 310, and look what happened. The total opposite.

Makes me kind of not want to have weekly goals anymore!

Whatever. It was just another bump in the road, nothing serious enough to derail this chica. I still feel motivated and excited about this. Maybe I am not quite as effusive I as I was, but maybe I am just in a different kind of mindset right now, too. One thing I do know is that I need to start exercising again soon—I keep letting life get in the way! In the mornings, I've been too tired to get up early enough to fit in watering the gardens and exercising (about a half hour each); I don't like taking lunch breaks at work so I can leave early; I like getting home and just... not exercising. Pft. This makes me sound so lame. It seems like a mid-day jaunt at work would be my best bet at this point, I don't know. I suppose I should set dates for myself and commit to them.

Anyway, I am happy that I am back on track somewhat. NOT GIVING UP!

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Back In

Yesterday wasn't the best day eating-wise, but it wasn't the worst, either. Back in, gradually. Meals were fine, great even; but I ended up snacking more than usual for some reason. I'm hoping today will be better on that front.

The scale was kind, down .2 pounds to put me at 318.8. I'm happy with this. Feeling much less bloated today, too, so that's good. I can foresee a downward trend for myself this week if I just set my mind to it, and I think I have. (Sometimes it's hard to tell, isn't it?) Overall, I feel pretty good with lots of things cooking on the back burner. My brain is sort of all over the place.

Which probably means that I should at least track my food today and see how that goes.

I know, not very interesting today, but you know what? I could really use some cheers! So if you are reading this, I would really appreciate an encouraging word. Seriously. Thanks in advance.


Monday, August 10, 2009

M. I. A.

That's what I've been these days.

Things have been totally off the rails. Which isn't to say that I haven't been enjoying life in general, things have become so interesting and even exciting in the past couple weeks, but... alas, my eating kind of went out the window with all the excitement, to tell the truth.

Result? This morning I weighed in at 319 pounds, up like six pounds from last week. (!) But honestly? I am relieved that it stopped short of 320. Man, oh man.

I'm not nearly as upset as you'd imagine I might be. One, the weight put on really fast, so I think it'll come off easily; two, I feel SO bloated today that my hands and feet kind of hurt.

My gosh, we have had us some fun lately. I was sad to see the four-day weekend I took this past week end last night. At least it went out with a bang in the form of the most intense, crazy thunderstorm I have ever experienced in my life—and we had to drive right through it, too! I was seriously glad to get home still alive.

We drove around quite a lot and had some adventures. Yesterday we spent at my mom's house where I cleaned her entire downstairs and sweated buckets. It was crazy. But we all had a good time (she and C. worked outside on things), and talked more about our hopeful plans for a combined homestead in the country with a huge vegetable garden.

I also found out that I got another solo art exhibition for next year.

I can't wait to see where I find myself next year, or in five years...

There is more to life than losing weight. That is my message for today. Please don't forget that.

However, I will be getting back on track right away and continue my journey. I want to be fit and healthy so I can fully enjoy everything I have to look forward to!

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

I Almost Forgot!

I was away on August 1st, and just forgot otherwise to mark another month of staying on track and making (however slow) progress! That's three months now! Not too shabby.

The way I figure it, since I started back in January 2008, I've been "on" for 12 out of 19 months (give or take a week or two here and there). Though it would have been great to be "on" even more of the time, I am still giving myself a pat on the back here. After more than a year and a half, I still haven't given up. Even though I messed up, even though I faltered (and quite a lot!), even though I almost ended up back where I started, I haven't given up.

As I might have said back in 1983, that is, like, TOTALLY AWESOME. And I have no plans to stop any time soon.

Best Laid Plans

So much for staying "in the green" this week. *sigh*

I'm not too worried about it because there is a good reason why I showed another gain this morning (just up another pound, but ech). Last night just as I was going to bed (late enough already), I realized I had that urgent "gotta go" sensation. Over and over and over again. Classic UTI symptoms.

I almost never get a UTI (Urinary Tract Infection), but for whatever reason this one reared its ugly head fast and furious. Hit me like a train. I was in and out of the bathroom countless times, the hours ticking by. I looked up home remedies online, and lucky for me I had some helpful items on hand: baking soda dissolved in water, and pineapple. (Blueberries are another helpful combatant against UTI, as is the classic cranberry juice... not to mention just drinking lots of water.) So I gulped down a glass of baking soda water, along with a few slices of pineapple, plus glass upon glass of water. All this between the hours of 12:30 and 4am.

Finally, I decided to take a hot bath sometime in the four o'clock hour. I thought it would maybe help me feel a little better, not to mention that then I would be all set to just throw some clothes on and head out to work when I got up in the morning.

I don't know if it was just the timing of my body processing the baking soda and pineapple and water, or if immersing my body in hot water helped, but it worked like a charm. After almost falling asleep in the tub, I got out, dried off and hoped I could lay down in peace and finally get some sleep.

Three or four hours later, I was up and at 'em for work, and the scale was not kind.

The good news is, I seem to have just about knocked out the UTI with my valiant efforts last night. Needless to say, I am totally, completely exhausted today.

More good news is that it looks like we won't be getting any out of town visitors this week, which means I won't have to kill myself cleaning when I get home today.

Here's hoping for a better evening tonight and a better result on the scale tomorrow. Today's gain just pushed me into the red zone on my chart, alas.

Monday, August 3, 2009

Back to "Normal"

Well, I had a weird but mostly fun long weekend. And what do you think? I forgot my scale yet again! Still, I felt like I stayed on track pretty well with the exception of Saturday, when I had two big, not necessarily healthy meals. Lunch actually wasn't so bad. We went to BBQ place in downtown Portsmouth, NH, where I had a chicken sandwich and fries. The sandwich had cheese and bacon on it, but I ended up only eating half the bun and about half the fries, along with two big glasses of ice water with lemon (by choice, really! I was parched!). For dinner we ended up at a diner-type place that had great food, including the huge chili burger and mashed potatoes I had along with some ice cream (a local brand we wanted to sample) for dessert. Friday and Sunday I felt were very good eating days, so I don't feel too badly about the .8 pounds I gained over the weekend. Not too shabby, really.

I'm actually still really, really tired from the trip. I drove and drove and drove each day... 13 hours Friday, about 5 total on Saturday, and 9 on Sunday. I am totally exhausted today but there is no rest for the weary! On Wednesday C.'s sister is arriving for a visit from Tennessee and we have some housework to do... I'm trying to look at it as a good opportunity for some exercise, and at least I had the foresight to clean the kitchen pretty well before we left on the trip.

I am dying to get out of the 310s now. I don't know if I will be able to swing it, but I'd like nothing more than to get below 310 this week. If not that, then my week's goal is to stay in the green on my Physics Diet chart. I have no idea how things will pan out with an out-of-town guest, but I will still do my best to stick with my plan and still see an overall loss on Friday.

Hope all is well with you!