Thursday, January 22, 2009

Down about a half pound. Not bad, not great. I'll take it, though.

Yesterday I did the following:

• Drank 8 glasses of water
• Tracked food all day (went over in cals by quite a bit, though)
• Weighed in
• Didn't snack after dinner

Today I plan to do the same, minus the going over on calories so much. I have my food intake planned out so far and it looks like I won't have much room left for dinner, so I think I will have a (yummy) salad. A big bowl of greens sounds pretty darned good, actually. And tonight I absolutely have to do a lot of work, so there will be no time for snacking. Overall I expect it to be a good day.

I'm realizing that it is absolutely crucial for me to blog every day. Self-awareness, especially when documented by the written word, makes a big difference in how I approach what I put into my body and what I do with my body. And I really, really, want to get below 300. So bad. But I've GOT to do the work.

I know this blog hasn't been the most exciting ever lately, so if you are still reading: THANK YOU!!

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Back where I started

The bad news is that I am back up to 321 pounds.

The good news is that amounts to maintaining so far in the month of January. No worse off than when I started.

I'm focusing more on the good, as long as I can keep my weight stable. I absolutely do not want to get any heavier.

So, I don't know... today has been so-so. I took positive steps:

• Weighed in
• Drinking at least 8 glasses of water
• Tracking my food

But, by the end of the day the actual food intake will be over what I'd like, I'm pretty sure. I mean, I guess I could have a really, really light dinner but I hate doing that. We'll see. I've got a busy evening ahead so that will help distract me, if anything.

It's all you can do sometimes. I am so far from perfect in this, but I refuse to give up.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Another day

I'd like to be able to tell you that the remainder of yesterday went well and that I did the Pilates DVD, and everything else. But, I didn't -- I got sucked into watching a Man Vs. Wild marathon on Discovery instead (along with a little bit of time framing some art)!

Well, at least I had to do a bit of shoveling this morning. My car almost got stuck at the end of the driveway, but I was able to shovel out, thank goodness. Hey, it's something!

To be honest, I really don't know what is going on with me lately. I would indeed like to lose more weight, at least get below 300, but it doesn't seem to be priority -- I mean, obviously! If it truly was I wouldn't be stuffing my face with Cheez-Its and marshmallows in the evening, now, would I? The truth is I have had a lot on my plate this month and I think I'm just distracted by other things, and time and mental capacity is at a premium. Sometimes that is just the reality; I'm not saying it is a good excuse (it's really not, I know), but it is what it is right now. In the meantime, I am committed to continuing to update this blog and to drinking lots of water each day (hydration, hydration!), as well as weigh each day and log it -- three things that are mindful but also pretty easy to do. As for the other stuff that adds up to losing weight, I will keep it in mind and do the best I can with making better food choices and keeping unnecessary snacking to a minimum. By gosh, if I have to outline this for myself every day, I will. It'll make for boring reading, but I will do it if it comes to that being the one thread I have to hang on.

A friend of mine on LiveJournal wrote an entry this morning that got me thinking about my own experiences with body image. She posted a photo of herself from about 10 years ago, back when she was a few sizes smaller, and what her life was like back then and how being skinnier did not end up equaling being happier. This really touched me because I realized that I felt exactly the same way. At this point in my life I am infinitely happier than I was ten, fifteen, twenty years ago -- or in weight, 50, 100, 150 pounds ago. I often took very unhealthy measures to keep myself looking a certain way, and my self-esteem was generally quite low so that I'd also be making not-so-great life decisions as well. Now, my body might not be where I'd really like it to be, but more than ever I feel beautiful, capable, and confident. And I can honestly say that I love my body despite (maybe even because of) its flaws.

My ultimate goals are 1) to be healthier and 2) I'm not going to lie -- have more choices in clothing. I'm proud to say that I don't need to lose weight in order to be happy or get the most out of life. I don't let fat get in the way of anything. And if someone else has a problem with that, well, I don't want them in my life, anyway.

This ties in with how I've been thinking about my perception of other people and therefore others' perception of me. When I meet someone new, I may notice their size, but more than anything I notice their smile, their personality, and how they present themselves to the world. I realize that it really doesn't matter what size someone is at all -- other factors totally take over how I see them initially. I realize that not everyone is like this, and that sizeism still exists, but think about it: what do you notice most about a person when you meet them? I'd like to hear your honest responses.

Monday, January 19, 2009

So, er...

Well. I'm back, had you lost hope? I guess I kind of did.

I mean, not really: I've been weighing every day, but that's about it. Tracking went out the window this past week, and I am not sure why. The bad news is that I am back up to 319.6, but the good news is that I am still below 320, which is more than I can say for yesterday. The rest of the days I haven't been around here I'd been holding desperately onto 318-ish.

This all sounds so stupid, quibbling about what amounts to a mere pound or two or three on an over 300 pound woman. But, if you're in this like I am, then you know how much a pound (or even a few ounces) CAN make all the difference.

So what did I do this morning? Dunkin' Donuts drive-thru. *sigh* The best I can say is that I haven't given up, and that the day is not over yet. But I am disappointed in myself, for the moment.

More good news is that I should be able to start exercising now that I no longer have the nasty cold. Perhaps I will try some Pilates tonight. No, in fact I WILL try Pilates tonight, no matter what. How's that? Then, off to my art studio for more art making. The museum is coming to pick up my work on Friday, and I still have some things I want to finish up to include in the show. Always working until the very last minute, that is me!

I just wanted to check in because I didn't want any of you to lose faith in me; I also needed to do it for myself. I do believe that daily blogging makes a big difference in how any given day goes. It's just how it is, it's not hard to do, so I just need to make that commitment. (What? I thought I already did, dumbass!)

Onward. As always.

NOTE: Can I just say how much I am looking forward to spring, or at least no snow and ice on the ground? I really want to start a running program again, but HATE treadmills.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Holding steady

I'm holding steady at 317, which is fine by me considering the relative pig-out I had yesterday evening. Today I have also indulged for both breakfast and lunch, and will have to do my best to curb my eating enthusiasm for dinner and post-dinner time. Actually I feel quite gross at the moment after my (kind of unhealthy) Subway lunch; then again I do have my period which accounts for a lot. I'll blame both my overeating and unhealthy cravings as well as my bloated, yucky feelings to the dreaded That Time of the Month and call it a wash. I will be more than happy if I manage to maintain tomorrow, that is FO SHO. We'll see, and I will deal with it. Onward and upward, as I always say.

The antibiotics I started taking yesterday are definitely doing their job of breaking up my cold, but I still feel weak and tired. Crossing fingers that by the weekend, if not sooner, I can start on my Pilates DVDs. A note to those who are waiting to see what I think of them, I can tell you now from previous experience that Pilates are GREAT! They really work your "core" and make you feel strong and energized, if a wee sore at times. Totally worth the effort. Even if you are quite large as I am, you'll be able to do many of the moves required. At times, my tummy did get in the way, but as the weeks pass by you really notice a difference in your abilities. Pilates for Dummies is actually very good if memory serves me well, and you can get it on the cheap at Amazon -- I think mine cost just over $6.00. I also now have Pilates for Weight Loss for Dummies, which I have NOT tried before, so I can't speak to the differences between the two. Assured that I will review each thoroughly once I am equipped to do so! In the meantime, give the original Dummies one a shot; it is a good introduction to Pilates indeed.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

First week!

I'm so pleased with the results of my first week: I lost a total of 5 pounds! I was up a wee bit this morning, but seeing that I just got my period that's no big surprise and I am not worried about it.

Unfortunately, I am still sick so I haven't had as regular a schedule as I normally would, and haven't been tracking food like I would, either. But, I have remained quite conscious of what goes in my mouth and making good to better decisions, rather painlessly, too. So far, so good.

I am anxious to get going on the exercise, but I have to wait until I feel better. It's a chore just getting myself up and ready to go to work as it is -- I think once I get this one ad finished I may be going home for the day again. I'm beat.

Anyway, just wanted to check in and say hello, and tell you how well things are going. It might be safe to say that I feel better about this round of health and fitness than I did last time -- and that's saying a lot, really. I feel good all around (except for this nasty cold), and hope that it will continue on through the whole year.

Saturday, January 10, 2009


Weight: 316.6
Pounds lost since yesterday: 3
Total Weight loss: 4.8 pounds

Today's weigh-in was a big surprise! Yesterday I felt like I ate a lot, but really thinking about it, I didn't really -- just whatever I did eat was kind of crappy. You know, the not feeling well and wanting comfort food sort of thing? Well, whatever the logic or lack thereof, I will accept the results gladly (but, of course, not take them for granted).

I forgot to mention that I did take my measurements earlier in the week, and plan to do that once or month. Today I should be getting photos taken, finally, since we also have to take photos of my artwork for my upcoming show anyway.

Don't really have much to say today, just that I wanted to check in. My head is still all stuffy and my brain power is probably a bit on the low side, so I will spare you any more drivel.

Have a great weekend!

Friday, January 9, 2009

Getting through

TGIF! No, really.

I came down with a cold very suddenly on Wednesday and feeling lousy. You know how most people don't feel like eating when they are sick? I'm just the opposite, generally. Fortunately, I did OK with my weigh this morning... yesterday I saw a tiny gain but today I'm down to 319.6. Hey, that's almost two pounds this week so far, not shabby!

I've got all sorts of interesting things going on in my life right now that go along really well with the whole "2009 is my year" thing. Sure, I had "Team 2008" last year, but 2009 is going to blow that out of the water. When I am excited about other things that aren't health or fitness-related, it makes it that much easier to be excited about those things, too. It's, like, wholistic -- it all goes hand in hand in hand. Success begets success. I know I am being pretty general here, but I want to wait to talk about any of that other stuff for a while, until things have developed more. Suffice it to say that I am in a pretty good place mentally and emotionally right now, today, at this moment. I'll take 'em however I can get 'em. ;)

Yesterday I didn't take care to track my food, but I will get right back on that today. I remember last year when I started letting go of certain portions of my routine because I felt I didn't need them anymore... well, that's when I very gradually started reverting back to old habits. Sure, it did take a few months, but before you knew it, the pounds started piling back on. This year, I resolve to stick with these routine items (tracking food, weighing in every day) no matter how boring or unnecessary they might seem somewhere down the line when I am feeling smug. It's those little things that really keep you accountable and on track.

This weekend I am looking forward to relaxing and getting better. I've got two(!) Pilates DVDs that I am really excited to start (Pilates for Dummies and Pilates for Weight Loss for Dummies, in case you were wondering) come next week.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Day 3: All's well!

Weight in was fine today, down another .8 pounds and just below 320. Thank goodness! Earlier today the thought crossed my mind that it won't be long before I am out of the 300s all together, and hopefully this time, I will stay there. I'm very excited for that.

I took my measurements today and later will have my boyfriend take those "before" photos I was talking about. I've been working from home half the day and painting in my studio the other half, feeling productive and active. I always forget how physical painting can be!

Amazon's got a sale on Runner's magazine that I can't pass up -- $6.00 for a year's subscription! Hopefully getting that will get/keep me inspired in that activity. I'm also finally getting myself a Pilates for Dummies DVD... I had it on VHS some years ago and really enjoyed it, so now would be a good time to try that again.

Mood-wise, I've been in and out of sadness, but I think that's mostly due to PMS. Hopefully it's just temporary and will pass soon. Good moods make it easier to get things done!

Of course, it would be nice if the gloom and slush of the day would ease up, too...

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Day 1: Done!

Weight: 320.6
Total weight loss: .8 pounds

What a nice way to start out the week! I had a very good day eating-wise for my first day back on track. Pretty effortless, actually: I guess my mindset is just where it needs to be, and hopefully it will stay there. One thing I won't say to myself again, though, is, funny enough, never again. I know full well how easy it is to slip back into old, bad habits. I won't take that for granted anymore, which I think will really help in my efforts.

Psychologically I will be thrilled when I get below 320. Maybe tomorrow we'll see that!

Nope, not taking anything for granted anymore.

I made one little change to my arsenal from yesterday's post. I am actually going to stay with Livestrong/The Daily Plate for my food tracker. I tried FitDay yesterday, and one other online tracker, and they just couldn't beat TDP for the catalog of foods in the database. I don't want to have to waste a lot of time entering a new food's stats so I can count it properly -- and TDP has just about everything I have ever looked up before. I won't renew my Gold membership (I think it was $40/year), but just the "plain" one suits my needs fine. Plus, I can track my water intake, a feature which the others didn't seem to have.

One thing I want to do this week is have my boyfriend take multiple photographs of my body, as well as take measurements. I want to document my progress more thoroughly this time around.

Not much else to report at this point, except that I am feeling good so far. How are you doing?

Monday, January 5, 2009


After Thanksgiving, the new year "holiday" is my favorite, hands down. I love the feeling of new possibilities on the horizon, the idea that everyone can have a fresh start. I've been looking forward to this day for weeks now, maybe months.

If you are joining me here anew and want to know from where I come, you can visit my old (and now defunct) blog, The Forty Project to get the lowdown. I was there for almost a year and documented my first 50 pound loss, as well as my foray into running as my main physical activity.

The last few months of last year I saw myself sliding back into my old, less desirable eating habits and general sloth. Though I had lost just over 50 pound total in 2008, I ended up gaining about 20 of it back, which is a bummer but still leaves me ahead of the game -- or at least where I started last January at 350 pounds.

Today I weighed in at 321.4 pounds. I was actually pretty happy about that! The last time I had weighed myself was a couple weeks ago at 318.4. To be honest, my eating went so to the wayside that I fully expected to be back up in the neighborhood of 330, if not worse. At least where I am now I know that it won't be very long that I will see a number beginning with 31-, and even 30-. After a fast gain, I am lucky that I tend to lose it quickly, too. Therefore, my goal for January is to lose 12 pounds.

No, my goals will not always be so ambitious. Trust me.

Since this is the first real post here at Ten Percent, let me tell you about my arsenal.

• Daily weigh as prescribed by the Physics Diet folk: this is what I have done in the past year and it works really well for me

• Tracking food intake over at Fitday

• Building up an exercise regimen after the first couple weeks, either doing the C25K program again, or picking one of Hal Higdon's training programs

• Drinking at least 64 oz. of water each day

• Taking a multivitamin

• Eating a balanced diet in reasonable amounts; including vegetables and fruit whenever possible, and adequate dairy; fitting in small amounts of treat-type foods a few times a week; cooking nice meals whenever possible; eating 2000-2500 calories per day to start

• Posting in this journal every day; if not then at least 5 times a week

• This is a no-gimmick, lots of self-respect zone! Beware all diet fretters who enter!

I am super excited about 2009. I've had my sights on this day for a long time, as I said earlier, and man, my mindset couldn't be more ready for it! It's amazing how our psychology works.