Monday, October 4, 2010

Another tough day

Ugh, can I tell you how badly I'd like to have something... that I'm not supposed to have during my experiment?

Oh gosh, big time.

I'm pretty hungry right now, too, so that is not helping. I'd like to cook a nice meal I've been planning on, but I don't know. *sigh*

I know that all of this is worth it to my health. I've been thinking about the fact that the COBRA plan I am on, while more affordable than many, is going to really strain my budget. I'm considering dropping it, to be honest. But the only way I can do that and feel good about it is if I really make the effort to take excellent care of my health.

Of course one meal of pizza (or whatever else) isn't going to make or break me, I know that. I don't know what's up with me. Sometimes I really miss the sensation of being completely and utterly satiated, a full stomach, I guess. Not that I have been starving myself — not at all, just that the feeling of full on things like the things I am not currently eating is a different kind of full, you know? It's hard to explain though I am sure many of you can relate to what I am saying.

On another note, one nice thing I did for myself today is sign up for The Token Fat Girl's Wear It Well e-course. Developing my personal style is something I've been wanting to do for a long time now, so I thought I'd give it a try. When I was in my 20s, I really enjoyed fashion on my own terms — kind of funky, arty, eclectic, vintage, thrift. Nice hairdos. Fun shoes. All that good stuff. In more recent years, that's taken a back seat to everything else, and as a large lady, I have a confession: I still kind of hate going into shops that cater to my size range. Certainly clothing choices have vastly improved, but honestly? I'm STILL displeased and just make due with the basics.

Anyway, it is my hope that Lorrie's e-course will jump start me into a new perspective on my style overall, to go along with my whole new life. It seems apropos. My first step toward that was back in August with some new glasses, which are vintage French, black chunky frames that look like they came out of a Fellini film — and now I've got to keep that momentum going beyond that.

And then walking, yoga, meditation, running... lots of things on the list. Baby steps, always.

1 comment:

  1. There are things to miss in overeating. That drugged out high from being totally sated - for example. The pleasure of eating without (at the time) guilt. Being able to ignore things that upset me.

    I still miss those things but the benefits of not giving into them far, far outway that. The benefits I have now - being able to do anything physical I want to do, the stuff I achieve now I'm not drugged with food, the things I say now I'm not denying my emotions, the feeling of achievement of losing the weight, buying clothes in normal shops...and these are just those things that come to mind now.

    My point being that there were benefits to your previous way of eating but they were outweighed (!) by negatives. Acknowledging that is a big step towards conquering it. Keep going (whatever plan you like) and the positives of your new life will outweigh the negatives.