Monday, May 26, 2014

Um, hi. Again.

I've been debating on whether I wanted to come back to this blog again after a two year absence, whether I wanted to blog about what I have been up to the past few months and what I am doing now.

I have mixed feelings about the whole weight loss thing. I am all for fat acceptance and I believe that everyone should be at peace and love their body as it is, no matter what. I will always believe this.

Yet here I am, blogging about losing weight.

My last high weight was 350 pounds. I lost 50 a few years ago and kept working at it, but still ended up back where I started and more. Most recently, my high weight clocked in at 372, give or take. Honestly, this scares the f--- out of me. So much that I was even considering weight loss surgery of some kind. (It had been suggested to me by medical professionals in the past and I've always been like, "NO!", but I was starting to think about it.)

I'm 5'8" tall and all the weight is really, really affecting my life in bad ways. I probably don't need to tell you how uncomfortable so much extra weight on your body can feel.

At the end of last year, I needed to spend some money from my health insurance, who provides a wellness card that can be used on things like health food, vitamins, and gym memberships. A new club opened up not far away and so I decided that I'd use the card on that. I went in just before Christmas to sign up and walked away with a commitment to a year's worth of weekly sessions with a trainer as well. I wanted to start getting in shape, but I also knew that I needed as much help as I could get.

Overall, it's been going well. I had my first appointment the day after Christmas and got started. Each week I met with my trainer faithfully and tried to get one other solo session in until early February. I was taking it slow and aiming to establish a habit of getting there at least that one time. Then, I hit a roadblock – I had a big art exhibition that I was preparing for in a couple weeks and I just stopped going. The good news, though, was that during the two+ months hiatus, I was accumulating training sessions. When I finally started going back at the end of April, I had lots of extras which meant that I could meet with my trainer twice a week for a while. Since then, that's just what I have been doing, and this past week, I had my first three times in one week at the gym! #thenewnormal, lol.

I ended up connecting with a new trainer a couple weeks ago, Rick, who has been very inspiring and motivating. It's made a BIG difference for me. We talk not only about the workout but other healthy habits and what I need to shoot for. He focuses a lot on proper form and takes me through a wide variety of strength exercises, both on machines and with weights, as well as my own body.

This past week I lost about 5 pounds, which is great, but I'm getting into a mindset where so much other stuff is important, too.

I'm trying to make all sorts of positive changes in my life, but in small steps that are manageable. I'm also really digging all the various apps that I can use on my iPhone to help me do those things. Here's a sampling:

• I joined a CSA, so I will have fresh fruits and veggies from a local farm every week starting in early June through the fall.

• I joined Pact so that I am accountable for my commitment to the gym (3x/week), logging my food and water intake, and eating my fruits and veggies! Money is a great motivator for me. So far, it's been great and I love being more aware of my actions.

• I am back to MyFitnessPal. This time, it's purely logging and no self-judgement. If I have an off day (or even an off meal), well, you can always have a fresh start!

• I started using again to track my spending habits (something else I have had issues with in the past), especially to see how I am managing my food budget – easy to see how much is spent for groceries vs. getting take out vs. fast food. This is also an excellent motivator. I was really astonished by how much I was buying fast food, and I am looking forward to seeing how I will improve on that front from here on out. My partner and I have also been trying to cook most of our meals again, and I have been brown-bagging it to work happily. It feels good!

Anyway, so that's where I am. There's a long journey ahead of me, but I need to concentrate on the individual steps that will take me to the end. It's easy to get bogged down by the big picture, so I am trying not to think about it too much.

That said, goals are good. Here are some of mine.


1. Reach 350 (my last highest weight)
2. Reach 300 (where I last left off)
3. Get below 300 in a sustained way (something I haven't done in a long time)
4. 250
5. 200
6 ???

I'm not interested in getting skinny, per se. I'm interested in feeling comfortable physically and being able to do anything I want to. The last time I was at 250, I felt that way. So we'll see how it goes.


1. Walk a 20-minute mile
2. Walk 2 miles comfortably
3. Walk 3.1 miles (5k) comfortably
4. Start Couch to 5K again
5. Swimming! (Get over swimsuit anxiety)
6. Yoga (My body gets in its own way currently)

I want to do ALL the things.

It's nice to be back.

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