I have been meaning to post and meaning to post... then the pre-birthday weekend hit, so all bets were off. Well, I turned 44 today and things have been going well since my last miserable little check-in.
Nothing specific has happened, and I still don't feel great – the pain and fatigue remain – but it seems like I'm hitting a stride in my routine and habits. I know that things will always be hard for me in terms of what I am trying to do here, but at the same time, the small changes I am making are working. For example, after having started to use the Pact app three weeks ago, I have worked exercise into my life three days each week, which is a major achievement for me! Not to mention tracking my food consistently and adding more and more beneficial whole foods to my diet and limiting the processed crap. Every day it seems that the choices I am making are becoming more natural and require less thinking. I take this as an excellent sign!
I think what is making a big difference so far is the fact that I'm not doing this only to lose weight. I'm making these changes as a result of my concern for my overall health, really and truly. Middle age has a way of scaring you into it, don't you think? I envision myself as someone who is strong and capable, but as the weight piled on that just became less and less true for myself. This doesn't mean that I felt I should love myself and my body any less, but it made me feel sad that I was being limited by my size to do many things. That is just the reality of it and has little to do with body politics, at least on the surface (you could probably dig deeper and get to that, too, I suppose).
Progress is slow. I've dropped about seven pounds so far, which on a frame like mine is but a mere drop in the bucket. So, I am trying not to pay too much mind to that, knowing that the longer I work on changing the way I live, the more certain dropping the weight will follow. In the past I have truly made myself crazy focusing on the scale and on the size clothes I wear. I am just not interested in doing that anymore – obviously in the past that mentality got me nowhere. In the past few months I've been making really gradual changes in my activity level and my eating habits. I log my food intake whether I had a "good" day or not, and I make sure to include everything. Doing this generally has helped me to make better, more informed choices – almost like dealing with a household budget!
As I mentioned, it was my birthday weekend and I did indulge a little bit. Anything a little "crazy" was balanced out with activity, though, like Saturday's pretty awesome workout with my trainer and yesterday's afternoon playing in the garden with my mom – and if you garden like me, you know that that can mean some pretty intense strength and cardio work!
I'm wrapping up a long weekend off from work, ready to head back to the 9 to 5 tomorrow, and feeling good about where I am headed. On a day like today, a platitude like slow and steady wins the race feels like something so much more.