I admit it, I am kind of having a hard time this past week or two.
(Wow, two blog posts in one day! This is how I cope.)
More than what I have been letting on, I think.
So I spent some time this evening browsing through my old blog, The Forty Project. Yeah. That was back when I figured I could get my s--- together by the time I was 40. I'm 44 now; you do the math. I mean, seriously. I've been trying to do this my whole life, but the past five, six years, I've really tried, on and off. I read through many entries, ones when I was feeling good and doing well, ones when I was truly struggling and knew things were on the downturn. Those latter ones especially really hit home. How many more f---ing times do I have to do this yo-yo crap? It has to end NOW. I have the ability to end the cycle.
It doesn't matter how stuck I get. I can't quit. I can't ever, quite frankly. I mean, dude, if I had just worked through the rough patches back when I first started blogging, I wouldn't have had to start up again, over and over and over. I could have been at or near goal a long time ago.
But this isn't about regrets. It's about opportunities. That now, I have full control of my destiny with this stuff. It doesn't matter what happened before. What matters is what happens now and what will happen and how I will deal with it. I have all the knowledge and tools I need to make it happen; I just need to stay on the damn ride.
A 50-pound loss really seems to be some sort of weird place for me. In the past, I hit the 50 pound mark and then things start to fall apart. I'm not sure why that is, but it is not going to happen this time. 50 pounds lost will be the launching pad for more great stuff. 50 pounds will not be the sad end. Not anymore.