Random Thoughts

Well, I think part of my problem about consistently blogging is that I have SO MANY things floating around my head – that I then never end up getting to address any of them. So maybe I will just riff today and touch lightly on a bunch and leave it at that.

1. The bloat. Oh, the bloat. It goes: bloat, bloat, bloat, bloat, bloat... lose, lose, lose, lose, lose! Which means: Hanging out with the same number or two for a week or two, and then the pounds seem to just fall off me for a few days. I've talked about this before, and it has a name; it's referred to as the whooosh effect. It's kind of fun but as you can imagine, it is also crazy-making, especially since I am experiencing the holding pattern at this crucial point of the sub-300 pound thing. I touched 299 for a lovely, totally distracting day, and since I've been playing with the same two or three pounds. You guys, I can feel the water. As soon as I wake up in the morning I can probably predict that I will see a slight gain or stay the same based on how my fingers feel.

It's funny because I'm just on the tail end of the period from hell, when you would think relief from this type of thing would be starting to happen. Instead, I lost several pounds during the nightmare period and now it's stalling. I'm not really complaining, I promise. More or less I am observing and taking notes, and maybe feeling a little frustration but not really because I know I'll be coming out of this, just like always. Here is where some of you would no doubt tell me about the hazards of the daily weigh. But don't worry, don't waste your breath. I'm all good with this. I'm just talking.

2. The fat. There is no question. I am still fat and will be for another long while. It's funny because since losing the weight I have I don't really feel fat anymore in many ways. There are so many things I can do easily now that were becoming or already difficult or impossible. I'm really looking forward to getting down the next 50 pounds in particular – I think many more differences will become apparent once I get down to 250. I'm really excited to get there!

3. Tonight is the orientation for the weight loss program I joined over at my local Fleet Feet store (unfortunately) called Ton of Fun Weight Loss Challenge. It's less a formal program than a thing that will help me keep my momentum for the next three months – you weigh in weekly and you get prizes when you lose certain poundage. It appeals to the competitor in me, competing against myself but also at the end, could I be the one who's lost the most weight? It's like a game that's going to keep me engaged and accountable. Even more so, I am champing at the bit to start the No Boundaries 5K Training that begins on February 15th. (Though honestly it also terrifies me!)

I have been more or less not setting time-based goals for weight loss, but if I want to be honest, I would love to lose 30 pounds during the challenge, which would put me at 274 on the Fleet Feet scale. (I did my baseline weigh on Saturday fully clothed at 304 – their scale is the same as my scale at home!) Even more honest, I want below 270, but that's probably a lot to ask of myself, and... this is not a race! I will get there soon enough.

4. The joy. Despite any negativity, any crazy hormonal swings I've had lately, there is so much joy in what I am doing for my body. I love challenging myself, becoming stronger, becoming leaner. I have taken three yoga classes at my gym now and every time I surprise myself at what I can do rather than fret over what I cannot. I love the intense concentration, both physical and mental. At the end of each session when we say our Namastes, I feel intense emotional release and a huge sense of accomplishment. I hope to be able to fit at least two yoga sessions in each week.

5. Other people. So, I'm losing weight. Some people seem to have noticed, which is nice, and some people just know because I post about my progress on Facebook from time to time. While there has been a conversation about this on the interwebs where people say that maybe you shouldn't compliment a fat person who appears to have lost weight, I would like to give you permission to comment on my weight loss anytime you like. Hey, I get it why people say they don't want to hear it – and please check out those links; they make valid points – but for me, it's nice. I'll take a shower in 'em.