Monday, April 30, 2018

Do You Like What You See In the Mirror?

So listen, you guys know that I've been having kind of a hard time lately, but I'm still trying. Right? Pretty much.

Well, I have two things to share with you today. One, it turns out that I've been getting some new readers here because this blog was selected as one of the best weight loss blogs by Healthine.com – the second year running! Of course that is wonderful news, but at the same time, it's like... well, there hasn't been much losing going on in the past year. Some, yes, but not much. Rather, it's been mostly a lot of back and forth and what amounts to something that doesn't feel like commitment.

I've been here more than a few times before. This has been my life. I know what can happen. It can go one way or the other – I can continue gaining weight and then have to start completely over again (which would really, really suck), or I can keep working on it and I can lose some weight again. Maybe it would be 10 pounds, maybe another 100. Maybe more. And then maybe I'll gain some back, lose some... you get the picture.

I don't really want to live the rest of my life like that. I'd really like to lose some weight and just keep it off, and I know that I could do it. I do. I can. I will. I mean, and I also shouldn't discount the fact that I've managed to keep off 40 pounds for three(ish) years, which is not too shabby. But wouldn't it have been nice if it could have been all 107 or so pounds that I lost in the first place? And more?

Anyway, if you're here because of healthline.com, welcome! And if you've been along for the ride for a while now, all the better! I am grateful to all of you.

Now. Let me get to the whole thing about today's post title. I HATE this stuff. I try to be very body-positive and I try to like what I have and who I am at any given moment, you know, because that's what it is. Today, though, my partner took a few photos of me testing out a new camera lens, and while they were lovely as photos, I could do nothing more than think about how unhappy I am about how I look in them. What a shame, right? I don't know. I'm just having a terrible time accepting the extra bigness of me after having been not as big for a while.

So let me share one of the photos with you here. It's a really nice picture and it's got our super lovely kitty, Mia, in it, too! I'm sharing it why? I'm not sure, but I feel like it's kind of akin to yanking off a band-aid or something. Just put it out there – people see me as I am all the time, it's only strange to me, right? I'm trying to get used to seeing myself. Thanks for indulging.

Photo by my partner who shall remain unnamed by his choice. Look at that halo of light around Mia!

2 comments:

  1. I think that we are all toughest on own body image. I personally need to lose weight (about 100 pounds); however, I have been slowly learning to be more conscious of criticizing my body. I am EXTREMELY critical (of my body) around my family because they are all slender. I am more accepting of my body around my coworkers because they focus on what I have to offer to the team. I think that the photo that you shared with us is very nice. You look so serene and content.

    I think that you have been very COMMITTED in your weight loss journey. Of course you have had some ups and downs but that my friend is life. You should be so proud of yourself for your commitment and being the REAL you. Shoot, you could have thrown in the towel several years ago; but, you chose to take care of yourself and you have been extremely generous in sharing your journey with me and your readers. For that, I thank you!

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  2. Thanks so much for this post! I'm right there with you, only stuck at the beginning of my journey like a horse that's totally chill when the starting pistol fires. It's hard for me to love myself when I keeping acting in ways that are counter to my goals. I'm glad I'm not alone. *internet side hug!*

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