Monday, April 30, 2018

Do You Like What You See In the Mirror?

So listen, you guys know that I've been having kind of a hard time lately, but I'm still trying. Right? Pretty much.

Well, I have two things to share with you today. One, it turns out that I've been getting some new readers here because this blog was selected as one of the best weight loss blogs by Healthine.com – the second year running! Of course that is wonderful news, but at the same time, it's like... well, there hasn't been much losing going on in the past year. Some, yes, but not much. Rather, it's been mostly a lot of back and forth and what amounts to something that doesn't feel like commitment.

I've been here more than a few times before. This has been my life. I know what can happen. It can go one way or the other – I can continue gaining weight and then have to start completely over again (which would really, really suck), or I can keep working on it and I can lose some weight again. Maybe it would be 10 pounds, maybe another 100. Maybe more. And then maybe I'll gain some back, lose some... you get the picture.

I don't really want to live the rest of my life like that. I'd really like to lose some weight and just keep it off, and I know that I could do it. I do. I can. I will. I mean, and I also shouldn't discount the fact that I've managed to keep off 40 pounds for three(ish) years, which is not too shabby. But wouldn't it have been nice if it could have been all 107 or so pounds that I lost in the first place? And more?

Anyway, if you're here because of healthline.com, welcome! And if you've been along for the ride for a while now, all the better! I am grateful to all of you.

Now. Let me get to the whole thing about today's post title. I HATE this stuff. I try to be very body-positive and I try to like what I have and who I am at any given moment, you know, because that's what it is. Today, though, my partner took a few photos of me testing out a new camera lens, and while they were lovely as photos, I could do nothing more than think about how unhappy I am about how I look in them. What a shame, right? I don't know. I'm just having a terrible time accepting the extra bigness of me after having been not as big for a while.

So let me share one of the photos with you here. It's a really nice picture and it's got our super lovely kitty, Mia, in it, too! I'm sharing it why? I'm not sure, but I feel like it's kind of akin to yanking off a band-aid or something. Just put it out there – people see me as I am all the time, it's only strange to me, right? I'm trying to get used to seeing myself. Thanks for indulging.

Photo by my partner who shall remain unnamed by his choice. Look at that halo of light around Mia!

12 comments:

  1. Congrats on the award. Keep at it!

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  2. I think that we are all toughest on own body image. I personally need to lose weight (about 100 pounds); however, I have been slowly learning to be more conscious of criticizing my body. I am EXTREMELY critical (of my body) around my family because they are all slender. I am more accepting of my body around my coworkers because they focus on what I have to offer to the team. I think that the photo that you shared with us is very nice. You look so serene and content.

    I think that you have been very COMMITTED in your weight loss journey. Of course you have had some ups and downs but that my friend is life. You should be so proud of yourself for your commitment and being the REAL you. Shoot, you could have thrown in the towel several years ago; but, you chose to take care of yourself and you have been extremely generous in sharing your journey with me and your readers. For that, I thank you!

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    1. My apologies for such a late reply, but THANK YOU so much for your lovely comment to this post. Your words mean a lot to me, and I keep coming back to read them as a booster for my recent efforts to get back to it. I hope you are doing well!

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  3. Thanks so much for this post! I'm right there with you, only stuck at the beginning of my journey like a horse that's totally chill when the starting pistol fires. It's hard for me to love myself when I keeping acting in ways that are counter to my goals. I'm glad I'm not alone. *internet side hug!*

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    1. That is a really good point – hard to love yourself when you're doing everything to show that you don't with the choices you make. That is exactly how I was feeling. I hope you're doing well, apologies for my super late response!

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  4. Look as long as you can stay positive things will come around, if there is a will there is a way, I been having my own ups and downs during my journey and it happens to everyone and I have been trying some new things like this Tea I have been trying (https://bit.ly/2IhGwpu) it has been rather helpful for me lately but it has only been a small part, and with every pound we lose we get closer to being the ideal person we imagine ourselves to be and everything we do try can help as long as everyone is willing.

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  5. Congrats! Second year in a row. I am also trying to get use to seeing myself. Ive been going through ups and down I was struggling. Then I found this two week diet plan that kick started everything. I used it as a baseline for the first two weeks and lost a lot. It was scary, but good scary. Gave me that satisfaction I needed. It also helped me continue my transformation. Its called two week diet plan https://tinyurl.com/ybazyr4c.
    Im not too much into fitness and health but it broke it down for me to use. I still planning on trying different programs to keep me interested in fitness but this one has shined the most....so far.
    but anyways thanks for everything that you do.

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  6. I look at my body and hate it! But I’m trying to remember that the ‘house’ that I live in...my body is only that...who I am is just housed in this body. And I (And I’m sure YOU) are awesome! I also know that when I get negative about me...I tend to slip up more and thus don’t show success in my efforts!

    I am totally with you! I am struggling with gaining and getting the scales to move in the right direction!!!

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  7. Hi Amy, just started reading your blog last week. My mom and you are pretty similar in what i hear her say. I love her so much and so proud of her, shes told me she has struggled with her weight since giving birth to me and my brother. If she knew I was talking about her she would kill me, but as Hawaiians go, we love to eat and the foods we eat aren't at the top of most healthy foods lists, except maybe the raw fish. But my mom is 5 feet tall and weighed..... (praying she never sees this), around 265lbs, for someone of her height not to cool..anyways shes tried everything under the sun all the fads that come and goes. So beginning of the year, she said she was gonna give this the one of the tea fad diets out there a try. This was her resolution And she added what she calls a brisk 15 minute walk around the block in the mornings before work, oh and this is her last year so her age is around like 64?? She always says its her 39th birthday anyways, we are getting ready for our family summer vacation and i'm so proud of her, shes looks and feels great! I asked her what she was doing and she said the same tea diet she started at the beginning of the year!! I asked how much weight shes lost and she said about 45 lbs. WOW..anyways, shes tried weight watchers and all kind of supplements and nothing ever seemed to really work for her. But she finally found something that does. Everyone is different so she tells her friends at work to keep trying new things not to give up never know what it will be that works for you!! She likes to tell people to "Keep trudging along never too late" She doesn't know that i know but i know she has a date this weekend!

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  8. Very nice pic. You're beautiful.You were fearfully and wonderfully. We are all beautiful even if we have things we would like to improve about ourselves. Of course the beauty inside is more beautiful than what's on the outside. As far as weight goes loosing weight isn't because we don't love ourselves but it's because we do love ourselves and we want to make sure our bodies are the healthiest they can be so we can live long,healthy lives. I struggled to like what I saw when I gained so much weight but I kept telling myself 'you're beautiful" no matter your size but I wanted to be healthy and fit again. Beautiful is great but being healthy is more important so I made a choice,and lost the weight and now I am even more confident and happy that I'm healthy. By the way I didn't even exercise a whole lot.I don't really like exercising lol but I only exercised less than 20 mins a day 3x a week and ate healthy,got my fiber and protein in,etc. If anyone is looking to loose weight to be healthy you should check out nowlifestyle: They are legit and a big help in weight loss. https://www.nowlifestyle.com/?ID=Queenc1111

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  9. That body confidence thing we keep banging on about? This is where it's at https://bit.ly/2IaiZ6y

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