Digging Out

The other day I posted about really struggling lately. Nothing new, I know, something that I cycle through quite a lot. The good news is that I have been through this enough times to know that if I can just hang on long enough I'll get by. I'm also never afraid to ask for help, so I did that here and I did it on my Facebook page. It generated some good reminders, some encouragement, and some tough love (I like the last the best, for the record, so thank you, Jewel!). Part of me hates putting myself out there all whiny and vulnerable like that, but it does the trick every single time, so as long as people will put up with it, I will keep that in my survival toolbox.

I ended up having just about a perfect weekend, just what I needed. On Friday after I posted here and on FB, I decided to go out and work in my front garden, which needed a LOT of tidying. Last year we didn't do a vegetable garden and I pretty much ended up neglecting my flower beds, for shame. However, I was able to get quite a lot done in just an hour that evening and my mood was significantly improved – not to mention I built up quite a sweat. So, it wasn't a run, it wasn't a walk, but it was definitely exercise. Gardening and yard work is among my favorite ways to be active!

Proof:

All perennials, all the time! I need to do some separating out and rearranging next.

I continued that project to extend around the corner along the side of the house on Saturday as well, over two hour's worth! Getting so involved in all that, I forgot that I needed to do a load of laundry so that I would have something to wear later that night for the 4th Annual June Ladies' Birthday celebration. I ended up also taking a nap and getting the load into the dryer a little later than I should have, so I'm texting the ladies saying how late I'd be for our dinner... to which lady Kate replied,

Ack, how much do I love that?

Anyway, backing up... Saturday morning my partner and I got out early before it got too hot and played an hour's worth of tennis. It was our first time out in at least a week – it felt like forever – and so I was definitely rusty. But, we ended up playing one set and by the end I felt like normal again. We were done by 10am and the sun was already blazing down and we were both covered in sweat. Great stuff. 

The birthday celebration later on was awesome. The four birthday ladies – Lizz, Molly, Kate, and me – met up for dinner at Buffalo's Providence Social for small plates and awesome cocktails. As has become tradition, we then proceeded to Essex St. Pub to hang out with our larger circle of friends for the rest of the evening. We were out late, I was tired! I was also kind of proud of myself for being very balanced all through the night – not too excessive about anything. It felt good, and it was wonderful to be around lots of friends even if I was feeling a little passive in my socializing. 

Me, Molly, Lizz, and Kate – the June Birthday Ladies!

Today was more low-key and I was happy to sit out on the back patio and finish reading my latest book interspersed with some very light weeding in the side garden... and then C. proposed taking a drive in the afternoon, and we found ourselves in Wilson, NY for lunch at Woodcock Brothers Brewery, where we each had the best cheeseburgers ever. Like, ever. 

Among all this I ended up back down a few pounds to 286 which was a huge relief. My approach of making sure to be active in whatever way I can is obviously so important. I was able to enjoy some delicious food and drink all weekend, realign myself with my goals and desires, hang out with people I love, and just BE and feel good about myself. 

I'm wrapping up the weekend with my last glass of diet soda in the house for... well, for a long time. I'm looking forward to getting back fully to my water habit not just at work (which has been consistent all along), but back at home as well. It's good to start a new week with so many positive feelings. 

Wrapping Up the Week, in Quicksand

Argh, I made it through the week! It was what felt like my first full workweek in a while. You see, we have summer hours at work between Memorial Day and Labor Day where we work an extra 45 minutes Monday through Thursday so that we can have every other Friday off. Between holidays and summer Fridays and a personal or sick day here and there, I feel like this week was my first "real" one since... I don't know when. Probably not that long ago. But anyway.

So it's Friday and my week was a mixed bag. One on hand, I started into a new running routine and had two great workouts. Hey, two is better than the one or none I'd been logging for a while there! I was actually due for a third today but was derailed. I was supposed to meet up with a co-worker before heading to the office for a run/walk, but instead I ended up working at home and taking one of my cats to the vet for an eye infection on my lunch break, so... it didn't happen. I've been toying with the idea of at least going out for a walk later this evening, but honestly I just don't know.

Anyway, here is a post-run photo of my last outing. It made me really happy.

3 miles of run/walk, half and half. At six something in the morning, too!

I should know. I should just go out and do it.

No tennis happened this week, which sucked, but we are going tomorrow morning. Yay!

What didn't go so well, unfortunately, was my eating. My weight was way up this morning, to *gasp* 290. What is wrong with me??? Augh! I do not want to be here. I want to be FAR away from here. Yet here I am. I am honestly not sure why I have been struggling so much with food lately.

My logging has been sporadic, so that is probably something I need to focus more on. In fact, that should be a priority. So.

Do me a favor? Tell me what to do. Give me a piece of advice. Give me something to think about. I am asking for someone to help fish me out of this quicksand I found myself in.

That's exactly what it feels like – stuck in quicksand. I've been watching my moving average weight creep up and up for months now. My head is still above the sand, but I am sinking fast and if I don't really do something soon, I'm going to be in a lot of trouble.

Augh. Argh. Ugh. Do not want.

Back to Basics

In my attempt to get back to a regular schedule of running again, I actually got out of bed when I woke up at 6:15 this morning instead of rolling over for another 45 minutes of snoozing. There's a new app that I recently downloaded that has a free trial for a week, and I wanted to make sure that I didn't miss out. So, I started on Week 1, Day 1 of Red Rock Apps' Running for Weight Loss program.

This workout had me at about half running, half walking for 40 minutes, which turned to be perfect for me at this point. Lately I've been feeling discouraged about my running level and while intellectually I know that there is nothing wrong with a run/walk approach (in fact, it is AWESOME, even for advanced runners), I'm not so inclined to do it on my own. So having this app guide me through the intervals gave me the permission to walk and feel like it is part of a bigger plan, rather than just a personal cop-out. I'm not saying this workout was easy, because I worked for it and I was literally covered in sweat afterward, but it was totally doable for the level I am at now. I did just over 2.5 miles and it was great. I was able to get prompts from the app and listen to my own music playlist on Spotify with no problem.

I'll be trying it out for the rest of the week – I have two more runs scheduled for myself tomorrow morning and Friday morning. Bam. Getting back.

I was talking a bit with my co-worker and fellow runner, Kristen S. (there is now a Kristen N., too!) earlier about how we feel about running and whether long distances are something we want to continue pursuing. She is signed up for half marathon training starting this week but expressed concern about the time it takes for longer runs, not to mention the wear and tear on one's body. She recently enjoyed a couple weeks' stay in Scotland where she and her partner walked literally everywhere, every day – 5 to 7 miles each day, and she loved it. For me, I was getting discouraged about my perceived lack of progress with running, still struggling with it. And I am left wondering, why isn't it good enough to go for a 2, 3, or 4 mile run? Why do I feel like I have to keep pushing for more?

Anyway, I think working on my own and using an app to guide me will be helpful. I'm going to do the work, but also be kinder and gentler to myself. As my co-worker Steph reminded me, it's awesome that I even got out of bed early and did something – most people don't. And she's right!

I'm going to continue to work on getting out at least three times each week for a running/walking activity, plus whatever tennis and gardening I squeeze in.

One week at a time.

One day at a time.

On another note, I'm totally NOT a fan of Steph Curry (not to be confused with my co-worker Steph!), the Golden State Warriors' star player (I am a Steven Adams/OKC Thunder girl all the way! I also hate the whole Curry mouthguard business), but when I read this list, I found myself nodding an awful lot and wanted to share it with you. Curry or no Curry, these are some great activities to incorporate into your daily life. I especially like the last one – You can do ALL the things! Yes. Yes, I can.

Curry-inspired 30 Quick Tips to Change Your Fitness Game

And speaking of ALL the things, I discovered today that my health insurance provider offers free fitness classes just about every single day this summer! That's definitely something I'm going to check out on alternate running days.

Working on staying positive and active and proactive. I want real progress again!

46 Years!

Today's my 46th birthday!

Me, post-run this morning around Ring Rd. in Delaware Park. Lipstick on teeth and all!

I love birthdays, and yes... even now that I am "of a certain age." To that, I say, "Harumph!" I enjoy getting older and continuing to grow and learn and develop. I like that I get smarter and more confident with each year. I like that I challenge myself more and more and try things I didn't think I could do. I like the person I have grown into and wouldn't go back to my 20s if you paid me.

Well, OK, maybe for a day. One of the good days. My 20s were pretty tumultuous!

Anyway, I wanted to make sure to start my new year in a positive way, so I made plans with one of my co-workers to meet up for a run before work, even though we're working summer hours which means coming in early four days a week in order to have every other Friday off (Kristen opted to stay late for her days, so extra kudos to her for meeting me out extra early!).

To be honest, I haven't been feeling super great since the Gay 5K last week, with some more aches and pains and more fatigue. Not sure where that's coming from, but if it continues another week or so, I may make an appointment with my doctor just to be safe. As is often the case, I almost bailed on our plans and couldn't imagine how I could possibly run, but... (spolier alert!) I did!



Granted, I didn't go quite as far as I ideally wanted to. In fact, in retrospect I am kicking myself a little because I fell short of that loose goal by a measly .3 miles – silly to not have gone for the full 2 miles. I did however, have about a 5 minute warm up and cool down walk, so that kind of makes up for it, I guess. All told I got a solid half hour of good exercise in, and that's the most important thing!

Then, I got this in my email – the Sea Change little e-newsletter thingy. Its message was something that Kristen and I touched on in our conversation this morning. Be kind to yourself! We talked about how when you're running, you need to listen to your body and allow yourself to slow down if it feels really hard, and not to beat yourself up for it. It's something I really, really need to keep right in front of my thoughts.



I've really been struggling with running lately. Questioning my abilities, wondering why I bother when progress seems to be so slow coming, feeling all the aches and pains, seeing so many of my friends run circles around me (figuratively, though I am sure they could do it literally as well!)... it has been really hard to not compare myself to everyone else, even though I know that it does me no good and honestly, it really does not matter! It doesn't matter what everyone else is doing or how I compare to them. It matters that I continue making an effort even if the gains aren't so quick to happen. I mean, what am I doing this for? Sure, I'd love to run a marathon one day, but why do I have to do it by a certain date? Well, I don't. Darn those time-based goals again, always getting me where it hurts.

Right now my priority is developing a good running base again, which I lost a little bit in the past few months. I'd like to get back to running a solid 3-4 times a week again, but this time with the only requirement being one mile, at least to start. To just get out there consistently, even if it's only for one mile per session. I plan to get another run in this weekend and then next week try for three times out. Consistency in running is so important. I need to get back to basics.

As I have mentioned though, I'm now playing tennis regularly, also 3-4 times a week and we'll probably work up to more by the end of the season just because we enjoy it so much. So I'm getting that work out – some of it is standing around, but a lot of it is frantic sprinting, either after an errant ball or just trying to get across court to hit it! We go anywhere from a half hour to an hour lately, again building that up through the season. I'm definitely in way better shape for that this time now than I was last year, and a better player, too, though sometimes I also get discouraged and down on myself for not being better at something I really love to do. Part of it is my body's limitations, and some of it is just needing to master the game better. I've thought about taking a lesson or two, and I think I will try to do that this summer.

Back to running: Originally I was going to mentor for No Boundaries this session, which started a few days ago, but after my Gay 5K experience I really didn't figure I'd be helpful to anyone in the program for the level I was running at – they signed me up for mentoring 2.0/3.0 – where I left off myself. Pulling out at the last minute didn't feel great, but at the same time it was a relief to not have any obligations to the program, either as a participant or as a mentor, the first time since last February! I'll continue to run on my own and with friends (I started yet another group, this time at work, called Rosen Runners where a small group of us try to meet up once a week), but for now feeling relatively untethered and responsible only to myself seems like the best choice. My plan for the upcoming session at the end of the summer will be to do 3.0 over again. (That's the program that takes you up to 8 miles running, but last time I was in it I only got up to 10K, or 6.2 and change.)

Then there is that 10 mile run that I am signed up for in August. I still think I could pull that out as long as I work on my consistency like I'm planning to. It'll be hard, but I will have lots of support and I know I can finish – it just won't be pretty or spectacular.

*sigh* So that's where I am.

Eating-wise, I am still working on getting back to a good plan. I have been logging my food all week and that has helped get into the right mindset – that is, being more mindful – even if I haven't always met my calorie goal. My weight was up to 290 on Tuesday, which was positively frightening, but then dropped back down to 286 and change and that is where I am today, thank goodness. Sure, it's my birthday, but I'm planning to stay mindful and not go too crazy. I don't have any big plans and I don't even have a cake, though I was considering making myself one. I'd like to get solidly into the 270s again ASAP, basically. It's a must.

Like Leo said, trying to be kind and compassionate to myself, especially on my birthday. I've made it this far, right?

The Gay 5K Race Report

Last I left I was telling you that I needed luck to run the Gay 5K last Thursday.

Well, I am happy to say that I finished. I didn't break any PRs or anything, but I finished, and considering how much I haven't been training since the 10K I ran back in early May, I'd say that's pretty good.

Of course, I would be remiss if I didn't give credit to friends for helping me get it done.

First of all, I was really tired and I had a headache. It was a bad week at work. I really would just have loved to go home at the end of the day. But, I remember how much fun I had at the race last year, and that I already paid for it, and I wanted the t-shirt and the burger and beer afterward (the latter two were not half as good as I remember last year's being, but that's OK. The t-shirt was really cool). And some friends would be there, in particular Amy F., who has been the best of the best in my running journey and beyond. And I haven't seen her much lately. And she said she would run with me the whole time because she's at the tail end of nursing an injury.

So I went. I'm glad I did, of course.

The smiles say it all: Me, Amy F., Kelly, Julie, and Emily (photo: J. Carocci/Pride Center of WNY)

This time was extra nice because we knew where to park, we knew where to go, and we knew the course – we are now seasoned! There was plenty of time before the race started to get the swag bag (*sigh*, not nearly as swaggy this year, oh well), get the bib pinned on, take stuff back to the car, etc. Even more so because the race ended up starting about 20 minutes late! Apparently a big truck was in the way somewhere along the race route that needed moved before we could start. That turned out to be OK because I ended up having a nice conversation with an acquaintance I don't see often, and got a hug from another acquaintance who was passing by on his way back from the gym!

Some of the Buffalo Gals crew! (I'm way in the back, LOL)

The race finally got going. As usual, I was at the back of the pack, but this time I had Amy F. pacing me and cheering me on. As I'd mentioned, she was recovering from an injury and was given clearance to run 20 minutes of the race at her normal pace; however she opted to run the whole thing at Amy G. pace, a good 2-3 minutes per mile slower. It worked out perfectly for both us. It was a blast, actually – she was a big positive force and really kept me going, updating me on distance run and the pace. We started out fairly fast, probably a little too fast (in the 13's), and gradually the pace slowed. Overall, according to the race results average pace was 15:34, though MapMyRun had me at 14:48. Apples to apples (that is, my app results to my app results), I can't be too disappointed with that, though truth be told I kind of was. Like I said, though, I was very tired that day, hadn't trained consistently, and it was hotter than I am used to again so that slowed me down a bit. I have to build up my heat resistance (again)!



This photo was taken as we were headed down the strip that heads toward the lighthouse at the marina, right along Lake Erie. It sounds nice, doesn't it? Unfortunately, I hate this strip because every time I run it, it feels like torture – maybe due to when I hit it during a given run, maybe because there is no shade, I don't know. It is picturesque, though, not that you can tell here – but at least we look like we are having fun, right? At least Amy F. is.

Definitely a favorite running photo with one of my best friends! (photo: Vincent Lopez/Pride Center of WNY)

The glory of the finish line in this race are the trio of gorgeous drag queens cheering you in, but I don't have any photos of them and couldn't find any to share – but trust me, they were super fabulous.

So that's it, really. It wasn't a great race for me time-wise, but it was great to spend some quality time with a good friend out on the course, and good to know that I can still run three miles if I want to with relatively little trouble. I've been trolling around for another race to sign up for in June, but haven't settled on anything yet. The next one that I'm registered is just one of those goofy bubble run thingys in July – a bunch of the Gals are signed up, so if nothing else it'll be a fun experience and another chance to prove that I can do it. 

I had other thoughts that I was going to share, but I think I'll just leave it here for now and pick up again another day. Lots on the old brain lately! I'll leave you with my latest favorite selfie, taken post-burger and beer at the race, and after a quick application of lipstick. 

Keeping an Eye on Things

If you're a regular reader, you know that I've really been struggling to keep my weight down within a reasonable range of the 100 pounds lost mark. Ideally, I'd like to be ahead of that, meaning below 272 pounds, but lately it's been about 10 pounds more than that. At least it's been pretty consistent, I guess, but I'd feel a lot better if I could just drop that 10 and be done with it. How hard is it, right? I've already lost more than 100 in the past two years, what the heck? ("What the heck?" is something I picked up from my friend Amy F., who I don't get to see nearly as much as I'd like these days, so when I use it reminds me of her.)

So anyway. I've certainly been a very active person lately, between tennis, gardening and yardwork, and running. But as they say, you can't outrun a poor diet, and that is what I am dealing with. I just can't seem to get back on the right track. I know a lot of it has to do with how I deal with stress (not well, as in, I want to eat everything in sight), and it's been very stressful at work lately. Fortunately, that should abate starting next week, at least for a few months (stressful time happens twice a year in my industry and lasts for about a month or so each time). It is my intention to make a full-blown effort to knock this weight down, even just a little – even just below 280 solidly! That's not a lot to ask of myself.

I was poking around the Photobooth app on my computer and found a photo of myself from this day last year. I weighed just about the same as I do now, maybe two or three pounds less. (So that's pretty good!) I also found a photo of the time when I was at my lowest weight, the day before Thanksgiving at 264. I wanted to see how I compare now to both, so here are the results.

On the left, 6/2/2105; on the right, today!

I look pretty much the same except for longer hair and different glasses. And I still need better bras and posture, amiright??? (P.S. I think I do like the longer hair better after all.) I'm nothing if not consistent in my wardrobe choices.

Now, here's the other set.

On the left, the day before Thanksgiving 2015 (264 pounds); on the right, today (283 pounds)!

I dunno. Not too much of a difference, but I feel like I can see those 20 extra pounds in my face, can you? My chin looks pointier on the left?

I guess what I am doing here is trying to keep an eye on things – that is, not let the weight come back any more than it already has. There's something kind of comforting about self-scrutinization, I don't know. Like that "I've got my eye on you, so you better watch it!" sort of thing.

Today after work, even though I am super NOT feeling it and I haven't run since last week Thursday, I'm running the Gay 5K in downtown Buffalo. It was a great race last year with excellent swag bags and post-race chow, so I am looking forward to that and to seeing my running pals again. Maybe it will help get me out of this running funk I've been in. I'll see how it goes. 

In tennis news, my partner and I went on a short-ish road trip to Pittsburgh on Tuesday to play on some clay courts that are volunteer-run and open to public play – very unusual as most courts in the US are hardcourt. Well, not only did I fall in love with the surface – so easy on the old bones! – I played some of the best tennis I've ever played and actually won four games out of six in the second set. WOW!!!

Me, post-play at the Frick Park clay courts!

We ended up playing for two hours, which is a LOT for us. We usually top out at an hour, maybe an hour and fifteen minutes. And we usually play either early in the morning, or in the evening to avoid the hottest time of day. In Pittsburgh, we didn't really have a choice but to play in the afternoon, so that made it extra brutal! At least the more gentle and less reflective clay surface kept us cooler, and you can see the lovely wooded surroundings of the park that probably helped in that regard, too. We both got a lot of sun, for sure! (No, I didn't wear my jacket during play! That would have been crazy.)

It was lovely, fun day of exploring a new city and having quality time together. I can't wait to do it again! Pittsburgh is very cool and worth the 4 hour+ drive. 

That's it for now. Wish me luck for the race today – I'm going to need it.

Two Years Later

Well, it was two years ago yesterday that started blogging about my weight loss and fitness journey (again)! I'm very happy that I am more or less still at it, which is definitely a record for me – even if I haven't really lost any more weight since late last year. Still, I have managed to maintain the majority of the 100+ pounds I lost, and I'm very happy about that; even better is that I am still living an active lifestyle filled with running, tennis, and more. Things have definitely changed a lot for the better. Perhaps best of all is the feeling that I never, ever want to go back to where I was two years ago. I simply cannot.

I feel like this is a good time to reset and rethink what is important to me and what my goals are. Back then, here were a few things I talked about (in blue), and where I'm at now (in ).

• I am hoping to avoid having to take medications for things like high blood pressure and dia-beet-us. I want to stop feeling tired all the time.
I am no medications except birth control. I have normal readings on bloodwork and blood pressure. When I am tired, it's usually for a good reason.

• I will be checking in with my doctor on a more regular basis, and I will take his advice.
I have done this, and will continue to do so. My last appointment recently went very well!

• I will continue to take all my vitamins every day.
I don't do this as regularly as I once was, though I took vitamin C every day during the winter and spring to try to avoid colds – I don't know if that's what did it, but something worked!

• I will continue to drink lots and lots of water every day.
I usually drink at least 8 glasses each day. My diet soda habit did creep back in, though – thinking about nipping that again.

• I will continue going to the gym regularly and build strength and endurance.
Not the gym, but exercise has been a regular part of my life since I wrote this two years ago. I run and walk year-round and play tennis when the weather allows (May through October or so). Other stuff catch as catch can, like yoga and strength training.

• I will continue working on being happy and being a good person.
This might be my biggest challenge in some ways! I got a big pep talk from my partner about this today and I'm still trying to make this a thing in my life. 

• If I mess up, I will pick myself up and try again, and never stop trying.
This has been, hands down, the most important piece. I have never stopped trying. I always get back up. There is no other option!

Last evening when we were playing tennis, I kept noticing my shadow and thinking about how big it looked and how that made me unhappy – that here I was, months later, still wearing the same clothes that I did playing tennis last season, not having made any progress. Still seeing a shadow that, to me, looked like someone built like a truck. (This is one of those awful things I say to myself – "You're built like a truck!" Not very nice, I know. I should stop it.) Then, taking that and looking at it like, Oh hey, you're still able to wear the same clothes you wore last summer! I don't think I could always count on that in the past, you know? As in, I'd get too big for stuff?

I want to get too small for the clothes I have now. I've been comfortably wearing three pairs of dress pants and a few pairs of jeans since last year. When I dipped into the 260s, those were starting to get too big and I remember being so excited to grow out of them... until I wasn't anymore.

Right now I'm really just looking at 20 pounds I definitely want to lose, so that I am back down to the lowest weight I've been on this leg of the journey. In the big picture, 20 pounds is really nothing. Easy. Then another 10, and so on.

By the end of the summer, I want all those pants to be falling off me. I want to be able to wear my tennis outfit from Tory Burch and the couple of cute tennis skirts I have more comfortably. I don't care how many pounds that is... in the simplest terms:

I want to HAVE to buy new pants because all 

the ones I wear now are too big.

Catching Up with...

My life, lately. (I love my Bitmoji!!!)

I don't know how many times I will need to say it, but...

I am still here. (Hi, Jewel!)

You guys, it's been hard to stay on top of things lately. In some ways I've done all but truly let go, yet I still have hope that I will really get back on track in the way I need to. It's been challenging for a number of reasons:

• General not-exactly-depression

• Lack of confidence

• Very busy and stressful at work (I got a promotion and we've been in the middle of one of two of the busiest times in our industry)

• Wanting to eat ALL the food (and often doing it)

• Pure laziness

• Being sick of tracking every aspect of my life and so stopping doing things like logging on MyFitnessPal, etc.

• Not writing as much here

Fellows NoBo 3.0ers Kristen, Josh, and me before the 10K!

At the same time, I've kept up with running on and off – though admittedly totally off the past week since I ran my first 10K last Saturday. I did well, at least in that I finished and ran the whole thing except for a few steps going through the two water stations. I didn't make my goal of finishing in less than an hour and a half – my official time was 1:34:19 (15:13 pace). BUT my app time had me at slightly less time for slightly more distance and an average pace of 14:47, so apples to apples, I guess. I was pleased!

But wow! It was killer. Just around mile 5 I started to hit the wall and didn't think I could finish, but at the same time with about a mile to go, how could I not, right?

The bad news is that my weight has creeped up to beyond that RED zone I talked about previously, as in about 287. Bad, bad, bad news indeed. I just can't go back to the way I was. I won't let it happen.

Work will be easing up a bit soon, so that will help; we've also started playing tennis again pretty regularly AND I've signed up to mentor the No Boundaries running program starting in June. I need to stay active and I need to get a hold of my eating. I'm thinking that I probably need to get back to logging my food again and just being more mindful. If I do that, I'll be OK. I'll start weighing daily for a while, again, too. Anything to get my mind back in the place it needs to be.

There are so many reasons why I want to continue to lose weight. I've worked too hard to get where I am today (or, a few months ago, anyway).

May Days

I am still here! Kind of.

I'll admit, things have been all kinds of up and down. I haven't been running regularly or even walking. My eating has been... a bit like my politics, that is, pretty darned liberal. As a result, I'm still hovering around the 280 mark, though once in a while I dip back down to 275 (like I did last weekend). I'm hyper aware of it all but also felt like I really needed a break. I even stopped using MyFitnessPal – the app and everything. I'm not sure if it's temporary, we'll see. My account is still there.

That said, I have run two races in the past few weeks (a 5 mile trail run and a 5K), and I'm scheduled for my first 10K race this Saturday! So all is not lost. I don't feel super prepared for the 10K, but I have run the distance before so I know I can do it. At the very least the course is flat and picturesque, along the Niagara River. All I have to do is run a 5K twice in a row!

I've been meaning to write race reports for both races and just haven't felt like it yet.

In general I've been kind of blah, but I have high hopes for the coming weeks – if nothing else, we'll be playing tennis again starting this week and that will get me active on a very regular basis again. I am really looking forward to that!

For now I will just leave you with the victory bathroom selfie I took after last week's 5K. I had forgotten to bring my phone to the race, the horrors! So I had to wait to get home, but whatever! The smile says it all.

Post-Envirun in Niagara Falls!

Back to Basics, or How to Lose 10 Pounds in a Week

Hey y'all y'all! I know it's been a little while since I last posted, but hopefully you weren't thinking the worst for me. To the contrary, it's been a couple weeks of highs and lows, but the highs have totally won...

Last I wrote was a time when I was struggling with eating. In fact, a week ago today, I weighed in at 285. Super Red Zone. Like, no, no, no, no, no, no. NO.

In case you don't know, I have created this so-called Red Zone for myself as a warning to unequivocally get back to business before I find myself back to 372 on the way to 400. Seriously. I say this because it has happened so many times before. I know it really could happen again if I don't remain vigilant about it – even if I don't lose more weight, I cannot gain it back. So when my weight goes beyond five pounds over the 100 pounds lost mark (272, by the way) – 277 – that means that I'd better freaking watch it, or else. Anything under 280, maybe. But once I saw the scale going up past that, I got totally freaked out and it didn't really take much for me to snap myself back into the right mindset again. Almost immediately I did a few things: I (mostly) stopped drinking diet soda and upped the water intake again; I started logging my food intake at MyFitnessPal again; I set my caloric intake goal to 2000; I continued planning and getting adequate exercise in all week; I tried to eat more fruits and veggies and less junk.

Mind you, it was nothing really drastic at all. Just back to basics. No starving, no deprivation. Like, at all. One day I went out to lunch with some co-workers for Indian buffet. No problem. Another evening I attended a Pub Run, a group activity where we runners meet at a local pub or brewery, run some distance, and then have beer and socialize. I ran just over three miles, had a few beers and a delicious soft pretzel. I fit stuff in and made concessions where I needed to in order to enjoy myself.

My pal Lizz and I celebrating our run with some delicious Flying Bison beers!

All of this not-much-effort yielded wonderful, satisfying results: This morning, a week later, the scale showed me at 275 again. I lost ten pounds this past week!

Before you get all up in arms about it, I seriously didn't do any starving. I didn't over exercise, either. I just adjusted my routine enough that it made a big difference in what my body was doing.

Also, my body has a history of this – gain weight very quickly, (sometimes) lose it just as quickly. When I am very determined and focused, this kind of thing can happen for whatever reason. I don't question it too much; I just enjoy it.

I am far from done. As you may know, I haven't lost any new weight since just before Thanksgiving. The morning of that holiday, I weighed in at 264, my lowest weight in many years. Since then, I've been fighting to at least stay in the low-mid 270s, and of course sometimes even that was a challenge. After so many months, though, I feel like I am really ready to stop dropping some meaningful poundage again, so it is my intention to keep this wave alive until... whenever. My immediate goal is to get firmly back to 272 to once again claim "I lost 100 pounds!"; then, I am determined to get to my Thanksgiving weight again and beyond.

It is just time to do it.

And we have summer closing in on us; I have more running plans, and tennis season will be here soon which means even more intense activity on a very regular basis for me and my partner. I know he will want to play at least every other day once the nets are up and the weather cooperates, and I am totally into it. Not to mention – woo, the weight should fall off me! (Him, too!)

Anyway, this recent loss has really gave me some confidence again, and I feel excited about the process. I think sometimes when you're at something like this for long enough, it's easy to feel kind of blah about it. I'm happy that I was able to more or less maintain my loss for more than several months, but... yeah. It's time to enter I guess what you could call Phase 2: The Next Hundred Pounds.

Phase 3, somewhere down the line, will be me deciding how much more weight I want to lose, if any. I talk about 150 pounds being goal weight, but it's a rather arbitrary number based on what I weighed as a much younger person. Phase 3 very well may end up being maintenance.

Either way, I am excited about the next few months and the next few years to see how my body transforms!