"You better get out of there," C. told me yesterday when I said that food has become my everything again. He then revised his statement because maybe it did sound a little funny at first, but I told him, no, that's just right. I'm in this place, feeling trapped and uneasy and uncomfortable. I also feel trapped in my body again, it's become a cage once more, no longer a vessel, much less a temple.
I've made the decision that since I'm PMSing so hard this week (mostly mental and emotional difficulties and not physical), I'm going to let myself have the rest of it to prepare myself to get on board another commitment starting on Monday. Part of me feels lame for postponing it, but another part feels its necessary at this point... definitely need to give some good thought to the reasons I need to do this, and really be honest with myself. If I keep on the road I'm on now, I will get nowhere. I feel as if I would lose myself. I'm halfway there as it is.
I'll probably check in a few times between now and then and gauge my thoughts. I hope you will send me lots and lots of good vibes/thoughts/prayers/meditations, as I really need a big army behind me right now, I admit it.
As always, thanks for reading, and if you can, post a cheer or a well-wish for me? Seriously, I hate asking but I think it would really help.