OK, so... I am nowhere near getting anything accomplished in this area of my life. But I know I need to, and soon. I am on a keen downward spiral when it comes to my health and well-being. I'm treating my body like a garbage disposal. Isn't that sad?
It really feels impossible to break out of this funk. Sure, I've done it before so technically I know I can, but this time around? I feel like someone dropped me out of a plane into the middle of nowhere with no compass or resources. It's scary.
I have a partner who also wants to start eating better and lose some weight. He is totally on board with it. But it's really up to me, because I'm the one who buys all the food, and lately when I go to the store, I find myself grabbing at least a few "treats". At work, I'm stopping off in the mornings for drive-through crap for breakfast, and I've somehow become addicted to meatball parmesan subs at Subway lately. Used to be I'd always get the roast beef and loved it. Not sure what happened there.
I decided yesterday that I would start writing here every day about whatever was floating around my head related to eating and my body. It's something. It's self-awareness at the very least.
Once in a while, now that the weather has broken into spring for the most part, I envision myself out there walking around the neighborhood again. I picture myself getting strong. Now? Walking up the stairs makes my knees hurt. How the heck did I get back to this state? Seriously!
Today is start. I'm not saying that today I am working on my eating. I already made a trip to Dunkin' Donuts. (I got a small strawberry Coolatta and three donuts, in case you were wondering.)
First thing is first. To get back out there walking, I need some clothes. No, really. You would not believe how beat up most of the wardrobe I am able to fit into now is. The pants I used to wear for walks and runs... ech. No shirts. I need a new hoodie. It's the only way I see myself getting out there again.
I'll put that on my list: new workout gear. That'll be a priority.
The good news is that for the first time EVER I have my finances in order. I'm also totally serious. Really. This is a huge thing for me and it does give me hope about my body stuff, because I always linked my eating issues with my money issues. What happened was that I started keeping my check register and wrote down all my debit card purchases along with any (rare) checks I wrote. Doing this enabled me to see exactly how much money I had at any given time, and helped me to avoid overdraft fees. Before that, I never had a clue as to how much money I really had available, and I was always hit with overdraft fees. It was pretty ridiculous. I feel like I owe my life to the bank officer who suggested that I start using a register back in August. For real.
That wasn't all, though. I was still struggling paycheck to paycheck. In January, I got another job. An additional job. It's a great one—teaching online—so I can work from home, and do it anytime I want to. To start, it increased my income by 50%; starting in April I'll be getting a full workload from them which means that, for as long as I can stand it, I'll be making almost double my salary at my day job. It's going to be a lot of work, for sure, but I'm going to double time it for as long as I can just to really get myself in a good place financially. I am still catching up with old past due bills, but I am almost out of the woods on that. Soon, all the extra money I make can go toward savings. I still owe my mom some money that I will work on paying back (though she said to take my time, so I will take her up on that), and of course the perennial student loans I'll likely be paying off for the rest of my life.
Point is, I've worked hard to get myself out of a bad financial situation. If I can do that, surely I can get myself out of a bad health situation? I know it will take hard work, and time, and sweat, but surely, SURELY I can do that, too.