I keep putting off, and putting off doing what I need to do. I don't think I can put it off for much longer, though -- I feel rather like a ticking time bomb.
Since I last wrote here, I haven't been doing much good for myself. Or for my partner. Poor guy, he wants to lose weight, too, and eat better foods but since I am the one who drives and does the shopping, he's stuck with the crap I've been choosing to buy. I keep saying, "Oh, we need to sit down and make master food lists -- things that are good for us that we will eat," and never do. Well, I feel like today is it. (Trying not to look back and see how many times I've failed... really.)
I never did order the new scale. Until just now. Yep, just after I wrote that sentence, I went over to Amazon, where I had the kind I wanted all selected and waiting in my cart for a couple weeks, and I finally bought it. It should arrive Thursday.
Last night I realized that to try to start exercising right now feels pretty overwhelming, especially since moving at all, period, feels pretty uncomfortable (can you believe it??? I can't!). So, I'm going to take the approach I took two years ago when I began to lose weight: lose some weight first, maybe ten pounds, who knows, and then start an exercise program to supplement the better eating. I mean, honestly? Gardening season quickly approaches so I probably won't even need to think about it because I'll just be out there toiling happily, but the thought of walking even those ten minutes is just... ugh. For some reason, my whole body has been in pain for the past week or two. I don't know if it is just from being so fat, or from all the stress I've had lately, or something else. It sucks. It also makes even walking sound like a horrible chore. I've never been like this before. It's just got to stop.
So I've got my scale on the way. That will be helpful.
Today I started tracking food again. I was totally unprepared to do this today, so I ended up with my go-to fast food meals that are fairly healthy: McDonald's for breakfast (the yogurt parfait and an Egg McMuffin with no meat), and Subway for lunch -- no meatballs though! And it's all logged. I'm thinking I will pick up some chicken breasts for dinner and some asparagus, maybe some oven fries like we used to have. And tonight, I'll make sure we have the food talk so that I have a good grocery list to refer to when I am out shopping.
I'm so sick of thinking about all the things that I'd like to do but can't because of how much I weigh or what my body isn't capable of doing. Not to mention the more practical issues that I've mentioned in the past. Just all of it. It's too much. It's too sad.