Tuesday, March 30, 2010

More baby steps

I keep putting off, and putting off doing what I need to do. I don't think I can put it off for much longer, though -- I feel rather like a ticking time bomb.

Since I last wrote here, I haven't been doing much good for myself. Or for my partner. Poor guy, he wants to lose weight, too, and eat better foods but since I am the one who drives and does the shopping, he's stuck with the crap I've been choosing to buy. I keep saying, "Oh, we need to sit down and make master food lists -- things that are good for us that we will eat," and never do. Well, I feel like today is it. (Trying not to look back and see how many times I've failed... really.)

I never did order the new scale. Until just now. Yep, just after I wrote that sentence, I went over to Amazon, where I had the kind I wanted all selected and waiting in my cart for a couple weeks, and I finally bought it. It should arrive Thursday.

Last night I realized that to try to start exercising right now feels pretty overwhelming, especially since moving at all, period, feels pretty uncomfortable (can you believe it??? I can't!). So, I'm going to take the approach I took two years ago when I began to lose weight: lose some weight first, maybe ten pounds, who knows, and then start an exercise program to supplement the better eating. I mean, honestly? Gardening season quickly approaches so I probably won't even need to think about it because I'll just be out there toiling happily, but the thought of walking even those ten minutes is just... ugh. For some reason, my whole body has been in pain for the past week or two. I don't know if it is just from being so fat, or from all the stress I've had lately, or something else. It sucks. It also makes even walking sound like a horrible chore. I've never been like this before. It's just got to stop.

So I've got my scale on the way. That will be helpful.

Today I started tracking food again. I was totally unprepared to do this today, so I ended up with my go-to fast food meals that are fairly healthy: McDonald's for breakfast (the yogurt parfait and an Egg McMuffin with no meat), and Subway for lunch -- no meatballs though! And it's all logged. I'm thinking I will pick up some chicken breasts for dinner and some asparagus, maybe some oven fries like we used to have. And tonight, I'll make sure we have the food talk so that I have a good grocery list to refer to when I am out shopping.

I'm so sick of thinking about all the things that I'd like to do but can't because of how much I weigh or what my body isn't capable of doing. Not to mention the more practical issues that I've mentioned in the past. Just all of it. It's too much. It's too sad.

Too sad.


  1. Do what you can. Baby steps work.

    You only can take one step at a time or you fall over, walking that is.

    You are making some important choices and they all count.

    Wishing you a very special week.

  2. Hey, dear, yay, you got the scale on the way! And with your conscious eating, maybe a few lbs will even come off before it arrives, eh?

    Do you have a pedometer? That might encourage you/help you think about even just a small amt of walking, like in to work, or around the supermarket...it all counts.

    Meanwhile, get enough sleep, and drink a lot of water. Those things don't even make ya hurt or sweat. :) Oh, and focus on VEGGIES for you and C. Like maybe your lean protein, and then TWO types of veggies to choose from..or a big pile of 1 kind of fresh veggie every evening.

    Do you have any dumbells? You could give yourself a very small routine w/them once daily. I'm trying to think of LITTLE things you can do right now that will benefit, yet don't maybe seem as daunting to you as the 10 min walk. March in place/high knees kinda thing at your pace? Mmmmmm Lay down and do some leg lifts? I'm wishin' I was your neighbor right now, so we could encourage each other.
    Well, keep up the good work, and we'd love to hear from you tomorrow. Be well my friend, Chrissy

  3. Yay, I found your new blog! I've just added you to my RSS feeder.

    Anyway, I agree with Margie Anne. The only way to make lifestyle changes that stick is to do so by taking baby steps. It is very easy to get discouraged by doing too much at once. This is probably the most useful tip I picked up from my husband, who was very overweight and laden with terrible habits (in terms of food, alcohol, cigarettes) a decade ago, but now runs marathons for fun. I'm not saying you have to run marathons to be successful at your goals of being healthy, but I do think it is always good to know that big lifestyle changes are possible, and that real people do pull them off.

    One thing I can suggest - and this is something I do now pretty regularly - is carrying a little cache of healthy snacks around with you in your purse. At any given time, I have crackers, granola bars, protein bars, a banana and a baggie of baby carrots in my bag. As a result, when I find myself getting hungry, I know I can just reach into my bag and eat something that is good for me, which makes the vending machine food less tempting in comparison.

    Good luck, and I'll be following you on this blog now as well!

  4. There you are! I bollocksed something up on my blog and lost my links and couldn't for the life of my remember your blog's url!

    So now I've linked back up and look forward to your posts.

  5. I've just come across your blog and notice that you haven't been around lately... come back! Your readers miss you!

  6. Walking is the easiest thing to do! Walk slowly and breath rhythmically and it's going to be ok for sure. Besides, think how being overweight is bad for your organism, heart for example. Start and you're sure to be successful!

  7. Where'd you go? Somewhere nice I hope!