Today I didn't do much thinking or fretting about the topic at hand.
Well, I was hungover from the bottle of wine I drank last night (not something I do often, by the way), so I slept in late, and then this afternoon an old friend came to visit from the next city over -- I hadn't seen her in almost three years! This is one of my best and oldest friends, too. It was definitely a special occasion. We had plans to head over to the Western New York Book Arts Center in downtown Buffalo together, where I teach workshops sometimes. She is also an artist and bookbinder and we had a great time.
One thing that stood out was that she told me that I looked really nice -- and stylish! She liked my hair, my clothes. I hadn't heard something like this in one sweeping statement from someone in so long, it took me aback. I was like, "Really?" And she was like, "Yes!" Her compliment meant so much to me. See, I work in an office where there is a group of women, 20-ish to 40-ish, who all happen to be quite stylish. Most of them are slender, but not all, though I am definitely the fattest person, stylish or no. On one hand, they all inspire me with their fashions (I actually really love fashion), but on the other hand in comparison I feel like a dumpy lump most of the time, and feel certain that I look like it, too. R.'s statement to me felt like more than just a compliment -- it was more like a lifesaver, an energizer. She didn't focus on how much weight I gained, or that I am still fat; she just saw me as the friend she always knew and loved, and noticed the positives.
She and I have made plans to do things in the next couple months together. I get a real sense that this renewed friendship will help me blossom, go out more, enjoy life more, enjoy myself more. We've been friends since we were 18 (so that's... something like 22 years!), but somehow this visit felt different, more positive than ever before -- she as a recovering alcoholic, and me as a recovering... overeater? We, as friends and as the strong, creative, interesting women we are.
P. S. I didn't go for a walk today, but I will tomorrow. Promise.
Oh, and as far as food goes? It was an OK day. Cereal for breakfast, and a gyro and fries for dinner. I just had a bowl of ice cream. No, I didn't make the best choices, but I also didn't have three huge meals...
My plan for my next paycheck on Wednesday, by the way, includes a new scale (I finally chucked the old one which just refuses to work properly, even with a new battery) and some workout clothes. I'm pretty excited.