Monday, August 24, 2015

Conversation with My Tummy

Today my tummy says to me,

"Why are you doing this me?"

It says, "I thought you weren't going to do this to me anymore. I don't feel well."

It's a scary time for me. The last time I had experienced the death of a close family member, I was well into a nice weight loss and running routine. In 2008, my stepfather passed away, and in the days and weeks after that I could never quite get myself back to where I was. And I stopped running, and my old habits returned. It was grossly disappointing.

Now with the death of my uncle I am feeling strange and totally out of sorts. I am eating however the %$#& I want to eat and most of my routine has gone out the window the past week. I can feel that I could very easily head down the same road I did seven years ago.

Today sucked. I struggled at work this morning so that I ended up leaving midday, and I am taking off the morning tomorrow. I think about my uncle a lot, and the other important people I've lost in the past few years. I don't feel like myself. At times I feel fine – kind of – and then suddenly, I break down for no good reason. It's really hard to focus. Honestly, all I want to do is eat and drink. So today has been a relative free-for-all.

It feels like total shit.

This time, in contrast to 2008, I have some things going for me that I didn't have then: Most importantly, a massive support system. I've got friends and family on Facebook who know all about my journey and cheer me on, but I also have a group of runners behind me. These are people I don't want to lose touch with and who inspire me to keep wanting to run. I have a "place" to go to to be with other runners and to run alongside. I was totally solo in the past, so it was easy to give up. I'm also planning to mentor the Learn to 5K group starting in October, so I have to keep going if only for that. In addition, I've been asked to mentor a weight loss group at the running store as well, and that begins September 12th and runs through December.

There's just really no option to give up, see? Even if I've gained 10 pounds in the past week (which I suspect I may have), I have to keep going. What's the alternative? Going back to how I was? I don't think so.

Stick with me. Give me some high fives. Now is a time when I really need some affirmation.


  1. One day at a time. One meal at a time. Even just one five minutes at a time. Get through the smallest chunk of time manageable, just get through.
    Start fresh with how you eat this morning, eat how you see yourself eating when you're most successful.
    Reach out to a running friend and make a running date for sometime this week. Last days of summer, so beautiful, the weather is perfect and the endorphins will help you feel better. For realz.
    Good luck. Hope this helps.

    1. Thank you, it does! Even though I know these things, it's always, always good to hear it out of someone else's mouth to reinforce those ideas. I'm trying to be kind and patient with myself and at this point making my main focus to keep the weight in the 270s until I get a better grip on things again.

  2. Do something nice for yourself, cut yourself some slack. Nobody is perfect. Getting back in the game is the most important...tonights run was the first step. Everyone slips, everyone falls. Wear a nice outfit to work tomorrow, pamper yourself and before you know it you will feel it again. We are all in this together, and you WILL feel better and do better soon. -Jewel

    1. Thank you, Jewel. It helps SO MUCH to have a support system. Online is good, of course, but it is even better when you have cheerleaders in real life. So thank you for being one of those amazing people.