Fear has been getting in the way of my running. I finally fully realized that after a good chat with my pal Amy F. tonight. I'd been hashing it out internally for weeks, but after spending some time working my stuff out with her guidance, I've decided that I am going to skip the Niagara Falls Women's Half Marathon this year after all.
The reality is that I need to get more comfortable with the things in between first. I'm excited about the couple 10Ks I'll be doing in the coming months, and I am all signed up for the Wineglass Half in October – and I know that by then I WILL be ready, mentally and physically, for it. I can't tell you how much weight is off my shoulders now. I am all set to dive back into my training and focus on closer goals.
Initially I felt embarrassed to admit I wasn't going to do the NFWHM after all, but then I realized how silly that was. Even though I know that I could walk as much as I would need to finish the race... there was something about the training schedule that was freaking me out lately. I've now sabotaged myself twice to get out of training runs (can anyone say "hangover"? I know, super dumb), and I knew it had to stop.
I know that I CAN handle the work I am doing for No Boundaries – the two group runs each week (one evening of speedwork, one long run on Saturday morning), and two homework runs of about 3 miles each. For now, I am going to focus on that and working up my endurance for the 8 mile distance we'll be working up to by the end of April. Beyond that I'll keep working on building that up. There's a 10 mile race in August, and then... October with the Wineglass Half.
I've also been talking myself up today about losing more weight. It needs to happen. There are tennis outfits I want to wear, and faster running I want to do. Even 20 more pounds off would make such a big difference. I'm resetting as of... NOW.