You're probably sick of me by now. I'M sick of me. All this up and down, up and down. Total roller coastering, can't keep my weight down long. It's getting really boring.
Last I left you I was 295. Today I got on the scale after kind of a heinous weekend, and I'm the heaviest I have been in a long, long time: 304. I gained nine pounds in half a week's time.
Yeah. OK, I know that some of it is water weight gain, fast gain of junk that will (hopefully) come off fairly quickly, too. But really, how many freaking times do I need to go through this? Why can't I just stop this vicious cycle and just continue on the path I need to be on?
I don't really know, but I do know *cue the refrain* I'm not giving up. Not by a longshot.
OK, I am clearly in dire need of some gratitude reflection.
Day 13: What abilities are you most grateful for?
I am grateful for ALL my abilities. I am grateful that I am physically able to do many, maybe even most things. I am grateful for the power to think for myself. I am grateful for my artistic abilities. I am grateful for my ability to give and receive love.
Day 14: What sight are you most grateful for?
This one is so hard, but I will say seeing loved ones, especially those I don't get to see very often; also smiles on anyone who comes across my path. Smiles rule.
Day 15: What season are you most grateful for?
I love all the seasons for different reasons. As a gardener and nature appreciator, I am so grateful for spring and the time of growth and renewal. But I also love the autumn and also see it as a time of renewal and fresh starts (probably because of school ritual). I love the colors of fall, the smells, the crunchy leaves under my feet, the apples, the time for comfort foods and not least of all Thanksgiving!
Maybe I need to turn some gratitude toward myself and my physical being, and honor my body more than I have been doing. I should want to nourish it and feed it with things that make it thrive and feel good. I should want to exercise it and test its power.
One nice habit I have gotten back to is moisturizing my face every day. I know it seems small, but I've been thinking about self-care a lot in the wake of this horrible election cycle and the promise of what seems like it will be a less than golden future as a country. So, I have been making sure to slather on some lovely cream each morning, which makes my skin feel nice and protects it throughout the day, too. I try to remember in the evening as well, but don't always – I find myself skipping evening hygiene rituals often because I don't think to exercise them until I'm about to go to bed and am so tired that all I want to do is flop down in bed. Maybe I can shift that script so that I make sure to do things like wash and moisturize my face and brush my teeth well before that, like after I've finished eating and cleaning up from dinner. That sounds doable.
Another thing I am doing to treat myself is getting a haircut today after work! It's been well over a year and a half since my last one, so I am long overdue. I'm still not sure what I'm going to try this time – but I am working with a woman I know through the local art scene who calls what she does "intuitive" haircutting and I think it's going to be a really nice experience. I will definitely post photos when it's done! It's exciting. I'm ready for a change.
I am ready for a change.