I've been doing much better since my last post and that big gain. As of today, I finally made up for that gain and then some — an extra pound off from my previous lowest. Feels good.
I'm still struggling with control and food. I feel best when I have structure around mealtimes and meals. Unfortunately, my schedule often varies so I find myself eating when it is convenient, and not at the same time every day necessarily. The past few days I've actually only been able to fit one meal in, and while I'd guess it is not the best strategy, I also find that it is working well for me. It's as if the fewer times I have to eat, the better. I don't have to struggle so much about what I am putting in my mouth. This will change, I am sure... it's after that binge a few days ago I felt a great need to really tighten the reins just so that I can get myself into a better mindset when it comes to dealing with food.
Sounds crazy, I know. Don't worry, it's not permanent; it's just something that works for me at this moment. I am enjoying eating healthier foods again and I am making some concessions here and there — small amounts of olive oil, for example, a few pretzels and almonds yesterday, some coconut milk in my curry today (which, by the way, I made so hot and spicy that it nearly made me dizzy! Wow!). I still don't know if the hcG drops that I am taking actually do anything, but I appreciate them whether it's physiological or psychological. Whatever works, right?
I guess I am feeling a bit philosophical tonight. I feel very (I want to say "zen" but know that's probably not the right word) about things since my binge. If something goes into my mouth, I want it to be something not only healthy, but also delicious. I don't want to waste my time and energy on anything less while I am being so restrictive.
Roasted vegetables are my not-so-new best friend these past couple months. Lately I've been making a delicious mixture in the oven involving cauliflower florets, whole garlic cloves, and onion (though I think shallots would be particularly divine). Drizzle very lightly with olive oil, and bake at 375 for 25 to 30 minutes. East it as is, or throw it together with some curry sauce like I have been, and maybe some shrimp. Fresh herbs like cilantro and basil make it even better. Good lord.
Anyway, I felt driven today to succeed at this thing and hope that the feeling lasts for the next few weeks. The best I can do, though, is continue taking it one day at a time. I will get there in time.