I am happy to be checking in each Tuesday over at Scale Junkie's Healthy You Challenge once more. So, if you have found me from the blog roll there, thanks for visiting and welcome!
I am back down about another pound this morning, so that is good. Even though I had a good eating day yesterday, I still had worries about the results. I guess I can't shake the feeling of uneasiness, being able to gain weight so quickly and easily. I don't want to anymore! This fear has helped keep me ever-vigilant this past week and a half, so that it has been relatively easy. I am trying to develop new, better habits that will become the norm. I am trying to develop new taste buds—I've heard it can be done! I am trying to give myself time to do achieve these things, and be patient with myself. Permanent changes do not happen overnight, especially when they have been built up over a lifetime.
One little tiny tidbit I came across earlier on another blog that I was skimming suggested something about leaving behind the past. This jogged something in my brain. Though I do think it is important to learn from past mistakes and successes, it is also important to clean your slate and allow yourself to become someone new. Just because I have acted a certain way in the past does not mean that I have to continue to do so for the rest of my life! You can look at it as if I have never grown up in my eating life. Can you imagine if I continued to do the same things I did when I was 5 years old? Or 12 years old? Or 18? You get the picture. Yet, in my eating life that is pretty much what I do, give or take the odd thing. (For example, I don't starve myself and take laxatives to lose weight like I did when I was 17.) I find I continually look back at all the failures I've had in my eating life, and it is hard to think that I could ever do anything differently. This is also tied to those expectations vs. desires that I was talking about a few posts back. If I am really honest with myself, I would probably have to admit that I expect to fail, since that is what has always happened in the past. But, if I try to reframe myself, I can stop that cycle. I am expecting smaller successes, but truly expecting them to happen. Before, I set very large goals that sounded great but really set myself up for failure in the end.
So much to chew on! No pun intended.
Today after work I will be signing up for a gym membership with my friend Jan. My expectation is to go to the gym on non-C25K days, so Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Sundays. Fridays will be my day off. Of course I leave myself open to variations because that is just how life is, but that is my goal. Excited!
I expect success, however small.