Monday, May 4, 2009

So far, so good.

Weight: 333.6
Total weight lost: 3 pounds

Not too shabby for a few days' worth of determination! And plenty of elbow grease. I've upped my physical activity quite a bit since late last week, which I think has been key. Actually, now that I think about it, drinking only water has really helped, too. I can definitely sense a change in my approach to food now that diet soda is not involved anymore... that is a big surprise! Yes, it is true: I haven't drunk any diet soda at all since Thursday evening. That is huge for me.

It hasn't been too difficult, really. I happen to like water a lot, and especially when I get all heated up from doing housework or yardwork or exercise, there really is nothing like water to quench one's thirst. I just keep telling myself, "I am establishing a new habit. No use in backtracking." Same with my daily walks, which I have done every day except that yesterday and today's walks were rather lacking. My shins have been bothering me a lot the past two days, making it almost impossible to walk much more than 15 minutes at a time. Really disappointing, but I am making myself do what I can each day anyway. Just to establish the habit.

And on Wednesday after work? My pal Jan and I are joining a gym together! World Gym has a 2-for-1 membership that amounts to $10 a month after you pay an initial lump sum of... I think $50? It's a really good deal, and I am super excited about getting a full body workout a few times a week again. Plus, I'll have a workout buddy to account to. No dropping out because I don't feel like it anymore.

Today I went for my walk at work, during a short lunch break. The whole time, though especially on the way back, I was just cursing myself for having let things go to this point again, where just walking a short distance is rough. It really sucks, and I don't want to be like this anymore! I was also thinking about my wardrobe situation, my whole image really, and how easy it is to just give up on looking good once you hit a certain size. I don't want it to be like this anymore. I want to be the one on Facebook who writes about how many new, cute spring outfits she can't wait to wear. (One of my acquaintances did write that, in fact, and I was insanely envious.) People don't have any idea by looking at me what kind of person I really am. Sometimes, looking in the mirror, I don't even know.

I've read about how some people, after they lose large amounts of weight, still find themselves unhappy. Me, I can honestly say that I will be much happier when I get back well into the 200s again. I just know, because I've been there. I've felt the difference, and what it is like. I felt gorgeous and capable and free when I weighed 250, which is probably for a lot of people a weight that makes them as uncomfortable as me at 350, or even now. I'm just thinking about tipping points, points of no return—they're different for everyone, I know. Based on past experience I will say now that mine is 310 pounds. When I get beyond that, it gets really uncomfortable and physically, I feel like shit. That's the worst part of it, worse than not having enough clothes to wear.

Pardon my brain dump here. My walk today made me really mad and really determined to be done with this already. I want to be able to run, I want to be able to fit into furniture and not be afraid to break it, and I want to be able to wear pretty clothes, anything I want. It's those things or the other, which is eating junk food whenever and however much I want to. It looks like a no-brainer which is the better choice. That's really what it comes down to.


  1. Wonderful! For me it is about 280 pounds when my back just starts to hurt when I move.

    I'm so glad you sound so fired up. Good for you. Now do the same thing for a few more weeks and you'll be amazed where you are. xxx

  2. Just follow your heart?