Back from the dead

Hi hi readers. Anyone still there?

I wouldn't be surprised if not.

Well, anyway. I have a feeling that I may be getting back to business soon. I've been feeling so physically uncomfortable and blah, and I know I have gained so much weight back. This is really not how I want to be. I want to feel vibrant and full of energy and able to bend over without having a hard time. You know what I mean?

I think I may go the route of starting fresh at the new year, which gives me a few more days to plan and prepare myself to get back on track into a healthier lifestyle.

2010 seems to hold a lot of promise and I want to be able to keep up with myself. I don't want anything getting in the way of more success and happiness. Taking a load off might be helpful.

I hope this finds you all well and ready to face a new decade! I say, bring it on!

xoxoxo Amy

Happy Thanksgiving!

Hi again everyone,

I hope this post finds you well and thankful in advance of the Thanksgiving holiday (for us American bloggers, anyway) tomorrow. Thanksgiving is my absolute favorite holiday, as I enjoy cooking the delicious meal as much as I enjoy eating it. This year there is just three of us for dinner, so it will be a little less elaborate than in past years, but it will be yummy nonetheless. And I will be thankful for all I have—family, cats, health, a job, a roof over my head, wheels to get me places, etc.

So maybe you're wondering what I have been up to, or how I have been doing? I'm sorry that I went AWOL yet again. Things have been... difficult lately, at least on this health and fitness front. Basically, I am sad to say, I haven't been doing anything to improve myself. I've gained even more weight back (don't know exactly how much since the scale died again, but I was up to 332 the last time I weighed), I haven't exercised, and I even took up smoking a pipe (just occasionally, not like all the time, but still I know it is not the best habit to pick up). I'm kind of food obsessed again. I don't really even know quite how to put it into words. It's pretty terrible, but at the same time I'm apathetic about it.

Things aren't so bad that I don't have any clothes to wear, but they've definitely become more snug, and there are jeans I've grown out of. I know I need to nip this and soon. I do see myself coming back. I really, really do.

I have a gym membership that is good through May, and I plan to start using it again, probably before I even take any steps to alter my eating habits again. In my experience, if I start exercising, the good eating habits follow in short order, so that is my plan.

When, you may ask? I want to commit to Monday, and I am going to ask my gym buddy if she will join me for some moral support. In fact, I am going to ask her right this very moment so that I don't bail on that idea.

I wish you all a wonderful Thanksgiving, and look forward to posting here regularly again! I am thankful for you all who read this.

Here I am!

I have so much to say, but I don't have the time at the moment... I will be back later today to fill you in on the good, the bad, and the ugly.

I just wanted to say that the comments I've been getting here and there asking where I am and whether I will be back really hearten me, so thanks. You might just save me from myself.

x's and o's to all...

One Week Down

One week down, however many it takes to go...

It's been a week since I "started up" again, and I'm pleased to say that I am down 3.6 pounds since last Monday, 324 this morning. I mean, I am still not thrilled, but I am proud of myself for nipping it in the bud not once, but twice majorly (remember back in May when I came back here after gaining much of the weight I had lost last year?).

The eating situation is getting better, though I've just acquired an additional part-time job as an artist's assistant that will be pretty intense throughout the month. So that alone will have me more active and eating less overall.

I'm really determined to keep going with this, no matter how long it takes or how much like Sisyphus I feel. I'm hanging in.

Weigh-in: 325.6

I count myself lucky that I came through this week with a little bit of a loss... two pounds is pretty good since Monday, yeah?

I still have a lot of work to do to get myself back on track, though. I haven't been very good with my eating at all. I noticed that it's been a lot of emotional or stress-related eating. Rebellious eating, even. I've definitely been more AWARE of it, though, which is a small step in the right direction.

It's been a weird week. There's been some good developments, but also some crap to process. Most important in all this is that I have yet to lose hope, or faith in myself that I can do what I need to be healthy and happy.

Phew!

Yesterday was mostly a bust, but I got on the scale this morning anyway. Must be some weird hormonal stuff going on, because I saw an almost two pound loss, down to 325.8. And that was after a day in which I ate like four cupcakes and, *ahem* ice cream. Not a great showing at all, but I am in a good mindset for this so I think it will be OK. As long as I take some step each day to get me to my goals, I will be happy.

What may have helped my case yesterday was that after dinner, instead of promptly plopping into my recliner for an evening of television, I decided to deep clean the bedroom, which has been a total sty now for longer than I'd like to admit. I swept and dusted, and finally went through the pile of stuff that has been accumulating next to the dresser and behind the door. Seeing that every day always made me feel crappy, so it made a HUGE difference to see it all gone, stored away or thrown out. I even washed a "new" comforter that we inherited from my aunt and uncle to replace the ratty one we've been using for way too long, AND washed out the cat's litter boxes and cleaned up their area. On top of that, I did a load of laundry, so by the time I finished I was super sweaty. I'm telling you, housework is the best exercise—plus you get things that need to be done taken care of!

Today has gone pretty well so far. I had a PB&J sandwich for breakfast, and brought some black beans with me to have for lunch. I've been drinking my water, too. I'm not sure what we are having for dinner; it may involve take-out of some kind but I promise that I will try hard to make decent choices.

I just want to get back under 320 again, for now. I'm doing it.

Uh-oh.

So, there were cupcakes at work. With orange frosting.

The cupcakes won.

(I tracked them, at least! But they totally won. Reason #3287 that skipping a meal is a very bad idea.)

Yikes!

So, it's been a while. Hey!

I braved the scale for the first time in maybe about a week? I knew it was going to be bad news, which is why I'm saying that I "braved" it... and I was right. I'm up to 327.6 today, way over the 320 threshold I was trying to stick around.

It's no surprise, though, considering how I've been eating these days. I got back on an ice cream kick and I guarantee you that's where the seven or so extra pounds came from. I was eating ice cream, a big bowl of it, once (maybe even twice) a day. I mean, duh, right? I am also pretty certain that once I cut out that sort of crap behavior the weight should come off fairly quickly, knowing how my body works.

All I know is, I am GLAD I got on the scale today because now I can do something about it. My plan today is a simple one, and it is just for today—because that is what I know I can do right now. I am not talking about a week, or a month. A day, that's today. Today I weighed myself (step one), I am drinking at least eight glasses of water (step two), and tracking my food (step three). Step four is staying within a certain calorie level, which is 2200 give or take.

So far, I had a weird-ish, not so great breakfast: a strawberry Coolatta and a egg and cheese wrap from Dunkin Donuts. The one thing I set up poorly for myself today is just not planning, not preparing things to eat at work today. So, I stopped at DD for breakfast, and I am planning to skip lunch (I know, I know—skipping meals=bad). But I do know what we're having for dinner. Steaks, baked potato, and roasted asparagus, so I can plan all that. Now if my meal tracking site would finish maintenance already, so I can enter my food, we'd be all set.

Actually, the DD meal could be worse. The wrap is small and not too bad calorie-wise. The drink is not great but there are way worse things out there, and to be honest I thought it was way worse than it is, about 400 calories. Nutrition-wise is another story, I know it's empty calories. But hey. Baby steps.

So that's what's going on.

It's funny how much your perspective can change with such a simple act. Just last night I was telling C. how "I just can't do it right now, I just don't have it in me..." about the weight loss thing. But that number on the scale man, it didn't really give me a choice.

Back, kind of

Two days in a row! Yes!

I also weighed in this morning. Down to 320 point something, down from 321 point something last week. This is especially good considering that I ate a pint on Ben and Jerry's ice cream last night for dessert. (I know, I know.)

Today hasn't been much better, I am afraid. But, I think I will start tracking my food sometime this week (tomorrow?) and getting back into that habit. Baby steps, always my motto.

Fall always feels like a fresh start to me. No better time than the present, I know.

Thanks for sticking around!

Oh Dear.

Where did you go, September?

Wow, I am sad that there has only been one post in September up until now. Maybe I can make up for it a little bit with whatever of the month is left.

To catch you up with what's been going on (thanks Chrissy, for the prompt!), well, as far as my goals associated with this blog go, mostly nada. Things got pretty stressful and all over the place concerning the former-impending move on top of seasonal craziness at work, and now life is getting back to some semblance of normal. Kind of. Better than it was.

We're still pretty broke, so I haven't gone too crazy on the eating front. I weigh myself intermittently. Last weigh late last week put me in the 321 neighborhood. Not great, not terrible.

I had a weird payment issue with my gym recently that finally is getting resolved, so I keep thinking about stopping by and actually using the place a few times a week again. I haven't walked, much less run, in I don't know how long. The past week or so I've been very tired and sore all over... I'm not sure what's up with that but hope it passes soon.

Anyway. I still think a lot about my goals. I still want the same things for myself. I have not totally given up; who knows, maybe with this post I will jog myself into starting fresh? Sitting here right now I feel I would like to commit to posting every day again at the very least. And weighing every day. It's something!

I haven't even been keeping up with my blog reading, though I did have a dream one night last week that I met Pasta Queen in person... I recognized her walking down the street and ended up staying at her house. Weird.

So that's that. I hope you are all doing well and that you'll continue cheering me on. I'm sorry for the long absence.

Official Weigh-in: Maintaining

Weight: 318
Total Weight loss: 18.6 pounds

Hi everyone! I am still around, just not entirely focused on the task at hand. So much is going on in my personal life, including a big impending move to the country, that I am just trying my best to keep an eye on things loosely, try not to eat too much crap, and hang on to what I have lost so far. And hey, averaging a pound loss a week is nothing to be ashamed of at all!

And on that front, so far, so good. I've been able to keep my weight below 320. Sure, I'd rather be below 315, but considering how long I was in that neighborhood I seriously am happy to be consistent here for now, at least until life stabilizes again—which, for the way things are going, may not be until after the holidays when I am starting to plant seeds for winter sowing.

It would be great to lose another 10 pounds by the end of the year, and that is certainly doable... I am taking EVERYTHING one day at a time, though.

I hope this finds you well. I haven't been keeping up too regularly with other people's blogs, so feel free to tell me about any successes or difficulties you've had in the past few weeks!

Forgetting

A funny thing happened this morning. I forgot to weigh myself.

I was all dressed and ready to go work, doing the last chore of the morning, watering the container garden and it suddenly struck me: I forgot to weigh myself!

This is so odd because it really has become an integrated part of my morning routine. I guess I have been so distracted lately, and I was so focused on getting to work early, that I just breezed by that particular portion of the sequence.

This makes me kind of happy, as it tells me that I am not as obsessed with the scale as I was thinking I might be. Of course, here I am blogging about the whole stupid thing, so I guess I am regardless, ha!

Yesterday's eating was nothing to write home about, and we went to the drive-in to see Inglourious Basterds (it was funny and weird and poignant, too) last night which always includes hot buttered popcorn and a pretzel from the snack bar. Seriously, I dare you NOT to buy something from the drive-in snack bar. Haven't you seen those PSAs they show before the previews guilting you into it? Telling you that the only way the drive-in can survive these days is through snack bar sales? Seriously. I'm not going to be the one responsible for the final demise of a true, valuable American institution. No way. Not me.

I still find myself with a good attitude about this particular journey despite feeling like the rest of my world is crumbling around me. So, I think that's pretty good.

One day at a time.

Surprise!

I was surprised when I got on the scale this morning. It read 317. For some reason I was expecting a big gain, so this was a wonderful thing indeed.

I still haven't been tracking food again or doing much of anything, except weighing in the morning and drinking my water. And here, my boyfriend sent me a link that is another good reason to stop drinking my soda of choice, Diet Pepsi. So I guess it stops again, which is good. I am so against Monsanto that this news is enough for me to never lay a Pepsi product on my tongue again. They don't give a crap, it sounds like to me!

Things have been very, very stressful lately, especially in my personal life. I don't know when it will be relieved, so I am just trying to deal and not let myself get out of hand to compensate for it. You know, comfort food and drink. Trying to avoid that and just focus on eating for fuel and health, minus the cookies that have been out in the break room at work, leftover from the company picnic over the weekend. We are battling, and I'd say we are about even. That means, I am eating a few during the day but not going totally crazy. I'm craving balance in my life. And control.

Food and eating, I suppose, is a way to do that when everything else is going to crap.

Or just focusing on taking care of the physical me when the mental and emotional me is impossible to reign in right now.

Give and take.

Have to stay healthy.

Green Day

No, not the band... it's my first day back in the green on my Physics Diet chart in more than two weeks! I'm am so happy about this, and also happy to report another good loss this morning, back down to 317.4.

While I know that my eating was not great during that time, I am wondering how much of that weight gain was hormones. It was the time leading up to my period, and now that I am in my last days of it, weight is coming off again. I also sort of forgot that I started on a new kind of pill a few weeks ago, too. Duh. This could be a major factor in my wacky gain. I can't believe I didn't think of this before.

Anyway, this is really just the confidence boost I needed to start nice and clean tomorrow. Not to mention, I should say, all the wonderful, thoughtful comments you readers have been leaving for me! I can't put into words how much that means to me. Some of you have been with me from the very beginning of my old blog, and I am forever grateful for your support, whether it's been since January 2008 or since yesterday. It's really true, having a good support system makes all the difference! I may not be losing weight at a fast pace, but I have never fully given up since blogging about my experiences—and it is because of my friends here. Thank you.

Here's looking forward to an awesome, fresh week!

It's Friday Again...

Weight: 320.4
Total Weight loss: 16.2 pounds

Well, I'm up 2.2 pounds from last week.

Things are on hold, I guess. I don't know. I'll continue to report here, and hopefully one of these days soon my switch will turn back on.

Wait, here is a question I hope each one of you will take a moment to answer:

What would you do if you were me right now?

Hangin' Out

Looks like I am hanging out at 320 lately. It's neither here nor there, I guess.

I do have relatively high hopes for the next little while, though -- no treats or eating out at all until next payday, which isn't until next Wednesday. So, we're on another "forced diet". It's good considering that I've been fudging a lot, that is, eating like crap. (Fudging sounds so much better, no?)

So yesterday I went on our last shopping trip until next week and got fixin's for a huge batch of chili and cornbread, which turned out great and will last us through the end of the week. I also bought microwave popcorn (makes for an easy, fairly healthy snack or even a meal in a pinch), and some fruits and veggies to supplement what we already have in the fridge left over from last week. We have rice and pasta and there is some chicken in the freezer. I can make homemade bread with what we have on hand. We're definitely not going to starve, and we'll eat less and better. It's really kind of a good thing for us not to have money on hand, but it sure is stressful, too. But, we'll get past this, like we always do.

Last night after dinner, C. wondered if I would want to go out and dig up another small plot in the garden to see if we can grow some vegetables from seed with whatever growing season we have remaining. I had some carrot seeds and some Italian greens mix seed, so that is what we did. Not only did we get a good workout, but we're growing even more yummy, healthy stuff to eat. With our couple years' experience under our belt for trying things out (first tomatoes and peppers in containers, then trying to plant a variety of things directly in the ground), next year we're really going to go all out. I'd like to not have to buy veggies at the grocery store at all if I can help it, during growing season anymore. It really does make it easy to want to eat more healthfully—there is nothing like tasting the fruits of your own labor.

In a nutshell? Things could be worse, indeed. I'll get back on.

PS: Oh, and, I just want to say that raw zucchini, cut in slices and popped into your mouth, makes an excellent snack! Very yummy and fresh out of the garden.

Well, well.

I'm floating around, still here though certainly half-heartedly.

I don't know why things have been so hard lately. Actually, scratch that. They really haven't been hard lately; I haven't struggled. I've just been being passive and non-committal, and that's pretty easy to do. I'm still fairly aware when I eat but not exactly vigilant or careful about what kind of food goes in my mouth. I certainly haven't been exercising, either.

But we've been really busy, on the go most days than not. I think that is a good thing. We're pretty actively looking for a new house with my mom, so that's been taking up a lot of space in my brain. I've been really stressed out lately, too. So many things swirling around in my head. It's overwhelming.

My weight has been staying at or under 320, which is good. Today, OK, it is just over that, but close enough that I am not too worried. My Physics Diet chart has been totally in the red.

*sigh*

I'm telling you, though, I refuse to keep heading in the wrong direction. If I am maintaining where I'm at now, fine. But I am not headed beyond that.

Official Weigh-in: Comme ci, comme ca

Weight: 318.2
Total weight loss: 18.4 pounds

Down just a wee bit from last week, so I'll take it. At least I didn't gain more, right? Right??

Yep, hasn't been the best of weeks. Time to get back up, dust myself off, and get back on the skateboard.

Up (I think)

Up this morning, 318.2. Still less than last week's official weigh, but honestly I don't have high hopes for tomorrows. Today has been an odd day... just feeling totally insatiable like I haven't in a long time. I know that PMS has something to do with this, but damn! It's weird.

I won't list the foods I ate today, except to say that it's been a lot (or at least much more than usual) white bread-type stuff. Junk, really, almost all day. We're going out after work to my uncle's house, so I don't know what dinner will be like, but based on my mindset and mood now, I'd say that it's likely I'll be eating more crap.

So I'm not really OK with this, but I also know this whole week is just a temporary setback. I want to stress that to you, too. It's not the end for me or anything.

I don't have much to say, but wanted to check in regardless. Thanks for the encouraging comments you're leaving me... keep 'em coming. I read and cherish each one, believe me.

Down (I think)

The scale is headed back in the right direction, still. Today's weigh put me at 317.2, just ounces away from getting me back into the green on my Physics Diet chart... funny, that. Last week I said my goal was to stay in the green, maybe get down to 310, and look what happened. The total opposite.

Makes me kind of not want to have weekly goals anymore!

Whatever. It was just another bump in the road, nothing serious enough to derail this chica. I still feel motivated and excited about this. Maybe I am not quite as effusive I as I was, but maybe I am just in a different kind of mindset right now, too. One thing I do know is that I need to start exercising again soon—I keep letting life get in the way! In the mornings, I've been too tired to get up early enough to fit in watering the gardens and exercising (about a half hour each); I don't like taking lunch breaks at work so I can leave early; I like getting home and just... not exercising. Pft. This makes me sound so lame. It seems like a mid-day jaunt at work would be my best bet at this point, I don't know. I suppose I should set dates for myself and commit to them.

Anyway, I am happy that I am back on track somewhat. NOT GIVING UP!

Back In

Yesterday wasn't the best day eating-wise, but it wasn't the worst, either. Back in, gradually. Meals were fine, great even; but I ended up snacking more than usual for some reason. I'm hoping today will be better on that front.

The scale was kind, down .2 pounds to put me at 318.8. I'm happy with this. Feeling much less bloated today, too, so that's good. I can foresee a downward trend for myself this week if I just set my mind to it, and I think I have. (Sometimes it's hard to tell, isn't it?) Overall, I feel pretty good with lots of things cooking on the back burner. My brain is sort of all over the place.

Which probably means that I should at least track my food today and see how that goes.

I know, not very interesting today, but you know what? I could really use some cheers! So if you are reading this, I would really appreciate an encouraging word. Seriously. Thanks in advance.

xoxo

M. I. A.

That's what I've been these days.

Things have been totally off the rails. Which isn't to say that I haven't been enjoying life in general, things have become so interesting and even exciting in the past couple weeks, but... alas, my eating kind of went out the window with all the excitement, to tell the truth.

Result? This morning I weighed in at 319 pounds, up like six pounds from last week. (!) But honestly? I am relieved that it stopped short of 320. Man, oh man.

I'm not nearly as upset as you'd imagine I might be. One, the weight put on really fast, so I think it'll come off easily; two, I feel SO bloated today that my hands and feet kind of hurt.

My gosh, we have had us some fun lately. I was sad to see the four-day weekend I took this past week end last night. At least it went out with a bang in the form of the most intense, crazy thunderstorm I have ever experienced in my life—and we had to drive right through it, too! I was seriously glad to get home still alive.

We drove around quite a lot and had some adventures. Yesterday we spent at my mom's house where I cleaned her entire downstairs and sweated buckets. It was crazy. But we all had a good time (she and C. worked outside on things), and talked more about our hopeful plans for a combined homestead in the country with a huge vegetable garden.

I also found out that I got another solo art exhibition for next year.

I can't wait to see where I find myself next year, or in five years...

There is more to life than losing weight. That is my message for today. Please don't forget that.

However, I will be getting back on track right away and continue my journey. I want to be fit and healthy so I can fully enjoy everything I have to look forward to!

I Almost Forgot!

I was away on August 1st, and just forgot otherwise to mark another month of staying on track and making (however slow) progress! That's three months now! Not too shabby.

The way I figure it, since I started back in January 2008, I've been "on" for 12 out of 19 months (give or take a week or two here and there). Though it would have been great to be "on" even more of the time, I am still giving myself a pat on the back here. After more than a year and a half, I still haven't given up. Even though I messed up, even though I faltered (and quite a lot!), even though I almost ended up back where I started, I haven't given up.

As I might have said back in 1983, that is, like, TOTALLY AWESOME. And I have no plans to stop any time soon.

Best Laid Plans

So much for staying "in the green" this week. *sigh*

I'm not too worried about it because there is a good reason why I showed another gain this morning (just up another pound, but ech). Last night just as I was going to bed (late enough already), I realized I had that urgent "gotta go" sensation. Over and over and over again. Classic UTI symptoms.

I almost never get a UTI (Urinary Tract Infection), but for whatever reason this one reared its ugly head fast and furious. Hit me like a train. I was in and out of the bathroom countless times, the hours ticking by. I looked up home remedies online, and lucky for me I had some helpful items on hand: baking soda dissolved in water, and pineapple. (Blueberries are another helpful combatant against UTI, as is the classic cranberry juice... not to mention just drinking lots of water.) So I gulped down a glass of baking soda water, along with a few slices of pineapple, plus glass upon glass of water. All this between the hours of 12:30 and 4am.

Finally, I decided to take a hot bath sometime in the four o'clock hour. I thought it would maybe help me feel a little better, not to mention that then I would be all set to just throw some clothes on and head out to work when I got up in the morning.

I don't know if it was just the timing of my body processing the baking soda and pineapple and water, or if immersing my body in hot water helped, but it worked like a charm. After almost falling asleep in the tub, I got out, dried off and hoped I could lay down in peace and finally get some sleep.

Three or four hours later, I was up and at 'em for work, and the scale was not kind.

The good news is, I seem to have just about knocked out the UTI with my valiant efforts last night. Needless to say, I am totally, completely exhausted today.

More good news is that it looks like we won't be getting any out of town visitors this week, which means I won't have to kill myself cleaning when I get home today.

Here's hoping for a better evening tonight and a better result on the scale tomorrow. Today's gain just pushed me into the red zone on my chart, alas.

Back to "Normal"

Well, I had a weird but mostly fun long weekend. And what do you think? I forgot my scale yet again! Still, I felt like I stayed on track pretty well with the exception of Saturday, when I had two big, not necessarily healthy meals. Lunch actually wasn't so bad. We went to BBQ place in downtown Portsmouth, NH, where I had a chicken sandwich and fries. The sandwich had cheese and bacon on it, but I ended up only eating half the bun and about half the fries, along with two big glasses of ice water with lemon (by choice, really! I was parched!). For dinner we ended up at a diner-type place that had great food, including the huge chili burger and mashed potatoes I had along with some ice cream (a local brand we wanted to sample) for dessert. Friday and Sunday I felt were very good eating days, so I don't feel too badly about the .8 pounds I gained over the weekend. Not too shabby, really.

I'm actually still really, really tired from the trip. I drove and drove and drove each day... 13 hours Friday, about 5 total on Saturday, and 9 on Sunday. I am totally exhausted today but there is no rest for the weary! On Wednesday C.'s sister is arriving for a visit from Tennessee and we have some housework to do... I'm trying to look at it as a good opportunity for some exercise, and at least I had the foresight to clean the kitchen pretty well before we left on the trip.

I am dying to get out of the 310s now. I don't know if I will be able to swing it, but I'd like nothing more than to get below 310 this week. If not that, then my week's goal is to stay in the green on my Physics Diet chart. I have no idea how things will pan out with an out-of-town guest, but I will still do my best to stick with my plan and still see an overall loss on Friday.

Hope all is well with you!

Weigh-In: 313.8

Well, I am up a pound from yesterday (I can feel the bloat!), but that still leaves me with a 2.8 pound loss for the week, nice! I'm so happy with how things have been going.

We're off to New Hampshire in about an hour and I have lots to do before we leave, so I will just sign off with wishes for a wonderful weekend! I'll be blogging off-line while I am away, and backdating those posts when I get back.

I love my chart

So, I am a little bit early on this, but here is my Physics Diet chart for the past three months. I recommited to losing weight again on May 1st, and as of today I've lost 23.8 pounds. It hasn't always been easy (note the red "plateau" area, where I could have gone either way), but no matter what worth the results!

Oregon Blackberry Cheesecake

Yesterday after dinner, I finally got my wish for an ice cream cone! I've been wanting one for at least two weeks now, and since I've been tracking my food intake the past couple days, I knew that I had "room" for one. If you didn't already guess, the title of this post is the kind of ice cream I chose, a single scoop (though it looked like two to me, but what do I know?) on a sugar cone. It was so yummy, exactly what I'd been looking for. As I was marveling over the size of it, C. remarked that I actually used to always get the double scoop. He was right, how about that! I'm proud of the adjustments I've been making, and clearly my perception about portion sizes is changing a bit, too. That's very good news.

I came home again to a lovely dinner prepared by Chef C. We had pork chops again, but this time with a side of something that came out almost like home fries, but better: roasted potatoes and onions with our own home-grown zucchini, all mixed together with some olive oil and sea salt. Tasty and healthy! It looks like I am going to be cooking tonight, though—the chef is getting worn out! Don't know what is on the menu yet, but it has to be fast and easy. I have lots of prep to do for our trip.

Tomorrow we're headed to New Hampshire on a whirlwind trip. The main focus is to deliver some artwork to a gallery in Portsmouth, with a secondary visit with my dad in nearby Strafford. We're driving there tomorrow, delivering the work on Saturday, and heading back on Sunday! My head is spinning already. I'm not too worried about eating; my dad and stepmom are great at preparing yummy, healthy meals, and even if we do go out to eat (probably Saturday lunch), I feel well prepared to make "better" choices. If I don't? Well, there's always those hills on my dad's road to kick my butt later in the day if need be.

I also plan to bring the scale, like I planned to do last time I went away. I really won't forget it this time, swear—I really, really want to keep on track and the daily weigh helps so much in that regard. As soon as I weigh tomorrow morning, straight into the pile of travel bags it goes!

I'm especially looking forward to this trip now (all 9 driving hours of it) since I got my car worked on. It's like driving a totally new car, and it's over eight years old! Driving it now is like a dream, with my man in tow... it'll be fun.

Good Good Good

That's how I have been feeling lately, even handling annoyances much better than usual. Like: yesterday, waiting almost an hour past my scheduled appointment time to see my doctor for a brief consultation (more on that below); this morning, waiting for my car while it got four new tires, an oil change, an inspection, and *groan* a new control arm and link pin on the suspension (I think?)... to the tune of almost $800 dollars total. Fortunately I just got paid by a couple freelance gigs, which helped, but it still sucks. Point is, I am handling things better lately. Like I have some sort of inner peace thing going or something. And at least my car drives better than it has in a long time!

So yesterday's doctor visit was regarding my crazy, never-ending period. Since the beginning of June, there has only been one week when I wasn't bleeding some quantity or another. During this consult, doc said he would try a higher dose birth control pill to see if it helps. If it doesn't, he wants to do a biopsy and sonogram to see if I have some polyps. Ich. Sounds bad, but not really... polyps aren't super serious and rarely come up cancerous. Of course, I am hoping that this new kind of pill helps the situation. We'll see. The one high point of the visit was that doc was impressed with my weight loss! Ha. Also, I made a mental note of the doctor's scale reading so I could weigh myself on my scale when I got home; turns out that my scale is pretty much spot on.

However, said scale is back up to its old shenanigans where I have to do this crazy dance in order to get a reading. It doesn't really bother me much, means I don't have to buy a new one as long as I get a number, but... eh.

In other news, C. has really been stepping up to the plate lately and being very helpful around the house. The biggest best thing he's been doing for a couple days now is MAKING DINNER!!! This is such a big help for me, as it means that I can just walk in the door, sit down, and eat—just like a man in the 50s! Ha ha. Seriously, though, C. also has some serious cooking chops, I think. He made an awesome pork dish that involved a pineapple salsa that was to die for. Today, he's taking the one fresh zucchini I picked from the garden this morning and incorporating it into a side dish that involves potatoes, onion, and garlic, along with more pork (it was on sale, heh). I could get totally used to this! We also eat way better this way, the more we can cook at home.

Despite having awakened feeling totally bloated and disgusting (TOM plus starting a new pill last night), I weighed in at 313.4, one pound less than yesterday. This was a happy surprise! I feel at least five pounds heavier than that.

I don't know exactly where this upbeat outlook is coming from, but I like it and hope I can keep it up.

P.S.

The scale worked normally this morning! Maybe just using it and using it made it work out its kinks.

Also, I have been telling C. that I want to go out for an ice cream cone SO BAD. And I could if I wanted, I can... but every time I have the chance, I'm like... nah... maybe another day.

What is up with that? Ice cream is like, my favorite.

Just weighing the cause and effect and keep deciding that I prefer the effect of not eating ice cream over eating it. At least for now.

Not bad!

Reality Check

Phew, OK. Back up to 314.4, which is fine and slightly expected. I didn't overeat yesterday by any stretch (may have even under-ate a tad), but what I did eat was probably laden in sodium: McDonald's for breakfast (a yogurt parfait and a sausage burrito), Half a turkey sub from Subway for lunch, and spaghetti with jarred veggie tomato sauce for dinner. No snacking, lots of water. But I've got TOM, which I know doesn't help, either.

No matter. I am still thrilled with how the past week or so has been going, even without exercise. I am feeling good, very confident, and excited about my future in many ways—not the least of which in my weight loss. Soon I'll be below 310, which is the weight I started at six years ago when I lost almost 60 pounds! I remember thinking how HUGE 310 is (well, it is, but less huge than 350) and how bad I felt when I first started out. I guess it's all relative! I know I feel better today at 314 than I did back then at 310... which is not to say that I can't wait to see 250 again, when I felt REALLY good. I can't even begin to fathom 200 at this point, to be honest. When I get there, I get there. No doubt it will feel awesome, too!

I don't want to look back and regret, but really—what a shame that I wasn't able to keep that weight loss off back then, and just kept going! It's the reason why I really believe that this time (which I consider to be from January 2008 on) is going to be it. I know that got off track for a few months and have had to back track, but I have never before stayed committed to this kind of journey so long before in my life! It's been over a year and a half now and I've never really fully given up on it. I have never—repeat: NEVER not gained all the weight I have lost and MORE before. Case in point: Went from 310 to 250-ish, only to end up at 350 several years later. (And believe me, this has gone on most of my life, literally—can you imagine all the stress my body has been through?) Yes, this is the first time when I started gaining back that I actually caught myself and got back on track.

I am so proud of that. And however many times I have to pick myself back up after a slip, I will. I am determined to meet my goals!

Let me talk about that a bit. I don't think I have really outlined my goals here, mainly because I just wanted to get myself into a healthy routine again and didn't really prioritize reaching a certain weight or anything else. Part of that is because I do have so much to lose; it can feel really overwhelming and like this impossible task to continually remind myself that I have well over 100 pounds to lose, still.

But let me really think about this now, because I sort of feel like facing up to the idea of those numbers.

Here is a photo of me at a weight that I think I would be perfectly happy with, probably just over 200 pounds, I am guessing. This was back circa 1996 or so? I try to date photos of myself with hairstyles, so I think that is about right. I'm the one in the middle, in case you couldn't figure it out. Please forgive my apparent inability to fully button my cardigan back then. :)



Here's another one, a few years earlier, about 1991. I'd guess I weighed about the same, 200 or so? (I'm the one in front, of course.)



I obviously still have curves. I am, by nature, a big girl. Seriously, though, I think 200 isn't so bad on me. Of course... we'll see how it looks on (the future) 40 year old me vs. the 26 or 21 year old me.

Anyway, so what I am trying to say is that for now, I'm shooting for 200 pounds. Or, just under so that there is a "1" at the beginning of my weight, as dumb as that sounds. Once I get there, I will re-assess how I look and feel at the time, but for now, that seems like a perfectly fine goal to me. And it's only 114 pounds away! I don't know if I will get there for my 40th birthday (June 2010), but I can try.

312.2, or unlearning how to eat

This is just crazy. I guess my body is making up for lost time with all the losing it's been doing lately, which is fine by me!

It's just very interesting to me how this has been working. This past week or so I've been eating very differently than usual, but only in that for any given meal, I'm probably eating about half of what I would normallly—to save money. But now, I think I am becoming used to it! Today, we've got some money again, and after I went to the bank on my lunch break, I stopped at Subway for something to eat. Usually, I'll get a footlong sub and a bag of baked chips. This time, while I did get a footlong, I only ate half of it, and wrapped up the rest to put in the fridge for tomorrow's lunch. I did it mainly not to feel so guilty for buying lunch out, but I have to say: Half was enough. I feel sated but not stuffed. Totally comfortable. It's like I've been learning how much food really is enough for the first time this week, isn't that crazy?

Obviously, it is making all the difference in my weight loss, too. This is a real "A-ha!" moment for me. Just because I can eat however many calories doesn't mean that I have to, or even need to.

Yep, in the past, I've just always made sure that I stuff my face with however much I could get away with and still lose weight. I'm now finding that I don't necessarily need all of it.

I like how I am learning and unlearning new stuff all the time.

This is truly a major milestone for me. It's exciting.

Just Keeps Going Down (and Up)

Hm... I am not sure what is going on, but I like it. Weighed in at 313 this morning, wow! This ascetic lifestyle is doing wonders for my weight loss efforts. We've now been talking about limiting our grocery bill to $50 a week, maybe $75. I went over what we could get for that quickly off the top of my head, and it is totally doable. We tend to be big grocery spenders and have been aware for a long time that we really need to reign that in. This has truly been a good experience.

I have even happier news! I got a nice fat check yesterday from my freelance design job, which means that I will be able to pay for things I wasn't sure I'd be able to pay. This is very exciting, just perfect timing, really. It corresponds eerily with a silly online tarot card reading I did the night before last.

Hopefully from here on out, things are headed on the upswing.

Just for the record

I wanted to share that I weighed in today at 314 pounds even.

Now, I still really don't know if that scale is playin' wit me, or if its glitch is only in its sequence and it still weighs just fine. I have come to believe that it is the latter, based on how I have been eating lately—it is entirely possible that I finally broke out of my "stuckness" hovering just below 320. Plus, doesn't it seem like, if the scale was really broken, it'd throw all kinds of crazy numbers at me, not just one a few pounds below where I left off?

Anyway, sorry. It's kind of stupid to fixate on the numbers so much rather than how I feel and how my clothes fit. On those counts, it's going well, too. I do happen to feel thinner, however slightly. Even with the uncomfortableness that TOM brings.

Well, I am off today to paint in a garden all day, so I'd better go get ready. I'm wishing you a wonderful, positive weekend.

Official Weigh-in: 20 pounds down!

Weight: 316.6
Total Weight loss: 20 pounds

My weight is up a little today from yesterday, but I think it's because its TOM time again! Woo hoo! (not.) Still, I can officially call it at a 20 pound loss and that is a thrill. That's a nice, steady average loss, just over 1.5 pounds a week. Perfect.

I'm feeling better about things today, even though (or maybe because?) it's still early. We've been doing fine on our forced diet, and it makes me wonder why we can't just eat less like this all the time. C. wants to lose weight, too, so I don't know... we obviously would be able to eat better foods overall than we've been eating this week, but we could stick with smaller meals for sure. I don't feel like I am missing much. And since we obviously need to manage our money better, keeping a budget in mind as we are planning our meals is a very good thing—even if we don't happen to be in such a bad place like we are now. This was a very good lesson.

After work yesterday I stopped at the store to get a few things to last us the next few days. I bought a large package of split chickens for just over three dollars, and a large package of boneless pork chops for about the same. I picked up a bag of russet potatoes on sale. Yesterday we also had the good fortune of several tomatoes on our neighbor's plants fully ripened, which we can make into a yummy salsa or whatever else. In case you're wondering, no, we didn't steal. My neighbor is away for a while and asked us to water her gardens and keep an eye on things. She said to go ahead and eat the tomatoes so they don't go to waste.

Her tomatoes don't taste nearly as good as the varieties we grow, but fresh veggies is fresh veggies! That's something I've really missed this week. They're so expensive at the store. I wish our peppers, tomatoes, and squash would hurry up already! We've got plenty out there growing!

Speaking of which, I've come to realize that as time goes on, I'm not only concerned about what I eat to lose weight, but more and more about where the foods I am eating come from, and how they were produced. Gardening for my own food makes me so much more aware of these issues and how much I'd like to adjust what I buy and eat based on that. More and more I (and C.) would like to grow our own food. We have a very small plot of land to work with right now, but have possible plans with my mom to go in a property together where we can live and grow things together, maybe to the point of providing extra income. A very small farm. Probably just vegetables, but I was also thinking bees... I don't think I could raise animals for food, though maybe some chickens for eggs would be nice.

I'm a Phoenix, Baby got me really thinking about this in her recent post stemming from seeing the film Food Inc., which I have yet to see but would really like to.

It's nice when doing something for one reason becomes the catalyst for doing it for other even better reasons!

Thursday, Thursday

... can't trust that day...

It feels like a Monday today, dragging on, stuffy, antsy at my office desk. Just another hour and some to go.

I've not much new to report to you, but I want to report anyway, just because I know it helps me. I tried the broken scale again and with an average of three readings, I'm at 315.4. Gosh, I hope it is correct. Not to mention, with being so cash strapped, who knows when I'll be able to buy a new one, so I just have to hang in there.

C. ended up taking some money out of our emergency account yesterday so that I could get gas for the car and a few things to sustain us. I hate doing that, but I guess you could call this an emergency, I don't know. We ended up getting Wendy's for dinner after we each had a downright ascetic rest of the day. I didn't go the "good" route, but I also got very sick to my stomach 7/8 of the way through eating it and if you use your imagination, you can likely understand that I canceled it out altogether thanks to mother nature *wink wink*. Sorry if that is TMI.

I got a little bit of physical activity in by weeding the veggie garden, which took an hour.

Aside from that, nothing. I feel like my life is all discombobulated right now and just trying to hold onto little things that keep me grounded. I am certainly looking forward to having things back to normal, believe you me.

Unsure, but Hopeful

Hm... interesting.

I tried the "broken" scale again this morning, just to see if maybe it changed its mind. Well, it didn't. When you press the button, it still goes through this cycle: Previous weight, then "ERR". You're supposed to get a "00" instead of the "ERR", and then step on the scale to be weighed. When it was working, it would then cycle through with a series of moving "0"s and then display your current weight.

Well, I decided to try to get on the scale at the "ERR" and see if anything happened. Sure enough, it cycled through, and I got a weight reading.

But I don't know if it is right! I really hope it is... it said 315.6.

Based on how my pants fit, I'd guess that it is totally possible. Which would be awesome! I just don't want to get too excited about it if it is just plain broken and being random.

*sigh* I really want to get a new scale.

In other news, our forced diet is going just fine. Last night's chili ended up being vegetarian because I didn't stop at the store for meat; unfortunately that meant I didn't get a red bell pepper, either, which I think really helps the flavor. I did the best with what we had on hand, and the result was... edible. OK. It didn't really taste like chili, it just tasted like a very spicy bean dish. We've both eaten worse, and at least we have food to eat for another day or two.

The best thing was that since I didn't care much for it, I didn't eat as much either.

I don't know, it's not so bad. I don't really even feel deprived. I'm more concerned about making our pennies stretch, so eating less or eating something I don't like as much seems fairly easy to do. Go figure!

You learn something new every day if you're not careful.

Tuesdays Are Always Better

It's been so weird not having a scale in my life this past week. I thought it would be kind of scary and that I would feel out of control, but that has not been the case. I still find myself trying to make "better" choices overall and be conscious about what goes in my mouth, and as a result my pants are still fitting just fine.

Last night we had our BBQ chicken and corn on the cob, and later on a big piece of the cheese bread I made in the evening when it came out of the oven. Considering what I didn't eat the rest of the day, I would call it a pretty good day overall, eating-wise. Tonight, we'll be making chili out of the variety of beans and crushed tomatoes left in the cupboard, and I scrounged enough change that I should be able to buy a little bit of meat and maybe a red pepper to include, along with the garlic, onion, chiles, and spices we already have at home. I'll cook some rice to help stretch the portions, and voila! Food for at least a couple days. The cheese bread will be a wonderful accompaniment.

I still haven't tried exercising yet at all. That nasty cough is lingering a bit, and I know I am still a bit weak and tired. It's like I can't get enough sleep! So just watering the garden or taking out the trash really wears me out, just the after effects of being sick for so long. I'm shooting for next week to start a routine again.

In the meantime I plan to stick around here and post as much as I can squeak out. It helps me to not veer off track totally, still thoughtful and still focused.

Forced "Diet"

Hi hi!

I don't know about you, but it is the quintessential Monday for me. I'm super tired from a bad night's sleep (still a little sick, a coughing fit woke me up), and I checked my bank account to find out that I am overdrawn, with no paycheck for another week and a half. FAIL. (I should be getting checks any day now for other things, but I don't have a definite date on those, so who knows.)

It's just the kind of day where someone might be really tempted to drown their sorrows in food. One upside to this financial debacle is that we also happen to have very little food in the house currently, which means... forced diet! Rationing. I suppose this could be a good thing, but it is just very frustrating. And I feel stupid because it is my own fault.

So anyway, today I had a can of chunk pineapple and the last little bit of GoLean Crunch for breakfast, and a bag of microwave popcorn for lunch. We'll be having one piece of chicken and two ears of corn on the cob each for dinner, and I will make a batch of cheese bread for later and the coming days at least. We've got rice and some pasta, lots of dried beans... I may try to make some meatless chili or something.

Honestly I really don't have too much of a problem eating like this, and scavenging around the cupboards and not eating meat. It's the mister that will be bad off, I think. And I feel bad about that. But, we'll both probably lose a little weight and I don't know. Times like this make you really appreciate what you DO have. Last week we really overindulged eating and money-wise; this is certainly a lesson in balance, if anything. This prince and pauper business gets old. I just want to live and eat like a regular person, right in between.

Wish us luck in the coming days.

Keeping Up

I don't want to not keep writing here just because I not very consciously making efforts, mainly because I haven't quit. It's just a long pause, I suppose. Hopefully soon to be over (the pause, I mean).

I'm feeling much better, but didn't sleep well last night because of the nasty cough that seems to be lingering, so I am very tired today. So glad it's the weekend.

I'm going to try at least a walk this weekend and see how it goes. Since I have some chest things going on, I am not too optimistic, but will try anyway. Hopefully I'll have a new scale this weekend and I plan on Monday being my start over date. I'm actually excited about it! I want to lose that next 20 pounds, so yes, I am excited.

Having been eating the best meals ever, but trying to keep portions reasonable and snacks out of the equation—especially at night. So not all is lost. I have held on to some important practices and principles, of which I am quite proud!

Still Around

Well, as I reported earlier this week, my scale is no longer in service. I'm very sad about this, but also excited about starting fresh with a new model.

That said, I won't be able to weigh-in tomorrow with an "official" number. I'm certain to have a new scale by next Friday, though, and then it will almost be like starting totally fresh again, which is also kind of cool. I haven't been going totally crazy on eating or anything, but of course since I've been sick with the flu-that's-not-swine-flu-but-still-sucks I haven't been tracking my food or exercising. Right now I am going by how my pants are fitting, and so far I don't think I've had a significant gain. I'd bet that I'm still hovering just at or below 320. Well, I did get weighed at the doctor's on Tuesday, and figuring that I ate a PB&J sandwich about an hour before the appointment and accounting for clothing, that is exactly right. So I do feel OK about things.

I am looking forward to losing some more weight, though! I still can't wait to get below 300. It will mean the world to me, honestly.

The flu finally seems to be letting up its hold on me today and I am hoping at the very least to get out and catch up on my gardening duties this weekend... and maybe try a walk or a visit to the gym! We'll see how it goes. This morning just watering the gardens made me sweaty and weak-feeling, so I don't know how feasible those expectations are.

Oh! And I almost forgot! I had the good fortune to win a package of Amazing Grass products from a giveaway on I'm a Phoenix, Baby's blog. The package arrived the other day and I am really looking forward to trying out the products and will give a full, honest review of each one I try. Thanks, Ann, and thanks Teri from Amazing Grass! I am really looking forward to trying something new.

That's about all for now. I hope everyone out there is doing well and staying happy and healthy!

Scaleless Again

No weigh-in this morning. I am still not feeling very well (though much better than I was), didn't sleep well last night, so ended up hitting the snooze button like ten times (probably literally!). I didn't exactly rush around getting ready for work since I knew I was running so late anyway, but I wasn't going to waste 15 minutes trying to get my scale to take a reading, either. I hope it's not totally dead after last night's toilet fiasco (don't ask); I'll probably hop on a few times later on today to see if I can get anything other than an "ERR" on the readout. Seriously, I cannot live without a scale. I like to know where I stand every day. I firmly believe that my daily weigh is the reason I have been able to mostly maintain my weight loss since May despite all the pitfalls. Knowing you're accountable to something makes it easier for me to make better choices, even when I am making bad choices. Know what I mean?

So anyway. It was nice to have my yogurt-berries-cereal mixture this morning again. I haven't had it since I've been away from work, almost two weeks! It tasted really good. I've also been drinking a lot of green tea today in an effort to keep my coughing down to a minimum... I know how annoying it must be to my co-workers. Between that and some Halls cough drops, it seems to be working for the most part.

Yesterday, I actually got a wee bit of activity in: Someone had to mow the lawn, and since C. is now infected with the cold of doom, I gave it a shot. It wasn't great, but I was able to finish and got all sweatied up as a result. A friend of mine on Facebook actually suggested that I go running, "as bad as that sounds," he said, to help my cold. I can see how it might be helpful, but mowing the lawn at this juncture was more than enough for me. I feel like if I am lucky, I'll be able to start exercising again next week. *sigh*

I do think that my best course right now is to just continue to focus on getting better. I am really looking forward to losing more weight, but as I have said in the past, this is no race I'm in. I'm happy that I have been able to stick in the 318-320 range lately. It's good enough for now, but boy, do I ever have designs on MORE!

Still sick

Weight: 320.2
Total weight loss: 16.4 pounds

Weigh-in day. Too bad, because I seriously had been hanging in the 318 camp for most of the week, but oh well. In fact, putting it to you all Ria style: my weight range was 318.2 through 321.2, with four out of seven days hanging out in 318 land. Considering how sick I have been and how I've gotten absolutely zero exercise and have not been cooking and therefore eating really poorly, I consider this a good thing for the most part.

Not to mention, this morning? I'm spotting yet again. WTF! I'm calling about getting a new gynecologist today and taking a better stand on the health of my female parts. Seriously.

This week I've felt like I've been living in an alternate universe, or in limbo. I went to work for a couple hours yesterday just to make sure my work world hasn't fallen apart or that I wasn't neglecting something important, and to gather some files to take home and work on today and over the weekend. Aside from that, I've been home and feeling pretty miserable overall, not really able to do anything fun or even not fun! Pretty much stuck to the recliner watching TV, reading, and internet surfing. Sure, I'm not at work, but make no mistake: It's no vacation.

I'm interested to see how well or how poorly I'll manage to do C25K once I am able to resume. I'm going to actually try a straight run and see how long I can sustain it, and go from there. If you recall, I had left off at the point where I'd be running 25 minutes straight a few times. In the meantime, I'm watching the Tour de France. They're in the mountains today!

That's about all I have to report for now. I still have the desire to continue my efforts, have not given up by any means. I'm just letting myself be sick and indulging my cravings a bit. Believe me, it's getting old.

If it isn't this, it's that

Hi hi!

Been a while. I know.

I'm holding steady, not exactly making progress, but not backstepping too much, either. Today I'm holding at 318.2 after seeing a slight gain over the holiday weekend, which is fine by me. I haven't been doing much of anything—not tracking food, not really trying to eat right, not exercising. One good thing is that the period from hell (clocking in one month and one week, by the way) is finally over, but as soon as that ceased, I find myself with a summer cold. Or is it H1N1? Either way, it feels pretty crappy so I am out of commission for now, just trying to get by. The fact that I have maintained most of my loss until now feels very good.

Once I recover from this, I do look forward to fully getting back on track and recommitting to everything I had back on May 1st. I still expect to succeed, believe it.

***

RE: Your comments and emails regarding PCOS (Polycystic Ovary Syndrome); yes, I do in fact have it and was diagnosed years ago. However, the only "treatment" I have received for it is remaining on birth control pills. It doesn't seem to cause a lot of problems for me aside from my odd menstrual cycle (or, a nonexistent one if I wasn't taking hormones). Anyway, thanks for your ideas and concerns and everything else. I may have to start looking for a new doctor and see if there isn't something I am missing out on the treatment of this condition.

Playing Games

Weight: 318.6
Total Weight loss: 18 pounds

Official weigh-in today!

Yes, it's Friday... um, didn't I change my mind last week and make the official day on Saturdays from now on?

Yeah. I did. It was kind of stupid and self-serving and to be honest, if you hadn't already guessed, I did it because I wanted that 316.2 weight on my little chart there in the sidebar. I really liked that number a lot, and I wanted it.

But now this week with the crazy ups and downs, I realize how silly that was. I've gone back and recorded last Friday's weight and added today's. I'm making very slow progress. I was in the red twice on my Physics Diet chart this week, but now back firmly (I hope) in the green, which is my main goal ever. If I stay in the green, it means that I am making progress, however slow.

Yesterday was good, but really tiring! My studio visit went well (I think), but I won't have an answer about the exhibition until September or so! Patience... it is a virtue, not only as an artist, but as someone trying to become more healthy and fit. Who knows where I will be in September! It's exciting to think about.

After the curators left, we had lunch, and then, it was all over for the rest of the afternoon. I napped and napped—I really needed it! Today I will be relaxing a lot, maybe playing in the garden.

Phew!

Talk about feeling relieved! I'm back down to 318.4 today, after having a pretty good eating day yesterday AND doing some good old-fashioned housework to work up a good sweat. I've got visitors coming today—some curators from area art institutions regarding only the biggest art event that takes place in the region. This studio visit is the last step before final decisions are made about who's in and who's out. God knows I don't want them to think I am a slobby artist by having a messy house, now, do I? (I'm actually joking, because they're not going to be here to judge my housekeeping!)

Anyway, I'm soooo relieved knowing that I am not on a never-ending downward spiral (or should I say upward?), headed back to from whence I came. Trust me, I never, ever want to go back to 350 pounds. I never want to go back to 320 pounds, for that matter.

For now, crisis averted.

Taking a Breath

OK, now that I am past the initial shock earlier, I feel better. I'd like to extend a big thanks to Ria for being the voice of reason and reminding me that this is most likely water retention, and that I really didn't gain 5 pounds in less than as many days. It still feels crappy, but I'll be all right.

I'm not going to let it throw me totally off, and I am going to keep on keeping on regardless. So I don't get down to 310 by July 11th, what difference does it make in the big scheme of things? It's still a very real possibility that I make it below 300 by the end of the summer. Heck, no matter what I will weigh less by the end of the summer, even by a few pounds—and that's what matters.

I need to stick with it, and I need to keep my head focused on my goals. What do I want? What don't I want?

Hm, I just heard one of my co-workers comment on how "heavy" today feels, with the high humidity (low temps though!), and realized how tight the skin on my fingers feel... it's no wonder I've gained. Hopefully it will leave as quickly as it arrived.

Oh, and I just realized... today I am entering my third month of DOING THIS. That's an achievement in itself.

Dire Circumstances

Oh no.

OK, seriously. I've gained five pounds since Saturday. How can that possibly be???

321 pounds today. I'm pretty upset. I'm VERY upset.

Seriously, five pounds? In half a week?

God, this sucks.

I mean, my eating at dinnertime yesterday wasn't the best, but it wasn't the worst, either. Plus, I had as good a workout doing yard work as I would have walking or running!

I know I have to get back into C25K. I didn't do it this morning because of the way I felt and because of the kind of day I have today... I won't go into it now because I don't have a lot of time, but wanted to get something down here.

I'm scared that all the weight will come back again.

I'm frustrated because of my "female issues"—I know it is not helping matters, either.

All I want to do right now is eat a bunch of crap. I hate this.

Hate it.

I hate being fat. There, I said it.

It's totally true. It's NOT OK for me to be fat anymore. It's just not.

So what am I going to do about it, anyway?

HYC Checkin-in: Son of a... Wake Up!

Ugh. The scale was not kind this morning. I'm still under 320, thank goodness, but not by much. I guess it is safe to say that the crappy eating is really catching up to me and that this is my wake up call.

Point taken.

I really do think part of the problem is my "female issues" right now, but there is also no denying that my eating habits have not been the best, as I have been saying over and over and over... when is it going to be time that I will actually do something about instead?

Well, today. My goal today is to stay on track, eating-wise. No loosey-goosey today, just for one day if I can. I will.

Unfortunately I was feeling totally crappy with cramping and all that fun stuff, so no run. OK, part of it is fear (25 minutes of running! Can I do that yet???) but really, honestly, my legs felt like lead this morning. There was just no way. I'm shooting for tomorrow to have a go at it, so we'll see. If anything, I have GOT to get a nice walk in, whether it is outside or at the gym. It's been raining a lot lately.

I'll probably check back in later and let you know how it is going, but in the meantime, I could use as much rah-rahing as you can muster.

Still in the Green

Yesterday and today I am back up in the 318, which is... whatever! It's OK. 318.2, to be exact, so really, fine. I can still easily drop those extra two pounds plus some, and again, I think my hormones are screwing things up, too. I am now into my next TOM, which I knew would happen. Ugh. A whole month of TOM, plus! It's amazing that I've done as well as I have, looking back on it. Hey, I am still in the green on my Physics Diet chart, and honestly? That's really all that matters to me. If the trending is headed downward, then it's all good.

I felt way too crappy for a run yesterday, and this morning I did some catching up on housework instead of "real" exercise—but dude, I don't know! I really worked up a good sweat in the half hour I cleaned, so whatever. I am hoping to not feel too queasy for a run tomorrow morning. It'll be a 25 minute one, yikes!

We won't talk about my eating, because honestly, is there anything worse than reading a weight-loss blog that talks about all the foods that you really don't want to be thinking about? So I won't tell you about all the crap I've been ingesting, suffice it to say that I have been ingesting mainly crap. Thank goodness for being active, and for being able to at least not eat so much crap when I do eat it. I tend to be a slow eater, and especially lately have also tried to be extra mindful of my portions, so I have that working for me, anyway.

I actually did get quite a bit more activity in this morning. I took a 1/2 vacation day from my regular job to teach a short class at a summer camp at one of the area's art museums. It was just for about two hours, but not only was I on my feet that whole time keeping up with 18 kids with an average age of eight or nine, but I also had to park a ways away from where I needed to be (it's on a college campus, you know how that goes!) so I got some extra walking in. By the time I got back to my car afterward, I was sweating like a cold glass on a hot day. And I get to do it again two more times in the coming week! I don't know how grade school teachers do what they do all day, every day. Hats off to them!

For now I am relieved to be sitting in my air-conditioned cube (that's another thing—the museum atmosphere almost always makes me feel ill, with its climate control) and doing designy things and not talking to anyone. I think when I get home tonight some lawn work is in order, unless it's raining... more opportunity for exercise! I have to take it however I can get it.

New low, totally high!

I learned such a good lesson yesterday. Just because you overindulge on one meal doesn't mean all is lost for the day. If you work hard to make up for it, you can still save the day. And save the day, did I ever!

I slept for a long time last night, even with the time I was up in the middle of the night—about ten hours! I guess I needed it, though, and when I woke up, I saw that old Aunt Flow arrived. Again. Still. Whatever. So I was feeling pretty crappy, not very strong, and just draggy in general. But I was really looking forward to finishing the last of the "training wheel" sessions of C25K so I told myself that I could just get out and give it a try, and that if it was too much for my body, I could stop, or do less. Just so that I got out there, at least. Well, it turned out to be my most difficult C25K run so far, even though it had some walking... I just didn't have my usual energy and strength. I made it through, though, I am happy to say, and my speed wasn't as bad as I thought, 3.3 mph average for the whole session, including warm-up and cool down. Just .2 mph under my best, so that's pretty good considering how crappy I was feeling.

When I got home and hopped on the scale (well, after a few minutes of cooling down and resting—I needed it!) I was amply rewarded for having a small dinner last night, and for my efforts this morning, showing 316.2, my lowest yet since December! What a thrill. Is it possible that I will finally see 315 this week? Well, I expect it, but I won't hold my breath, either. Hm, does that cancel out my expectations? Nah, I am just very happy that I have passed the 20 pound mark and that I am well ensconced in the 310s, period. There's just something about 315 right now... I hate to obsess over numbers, but man! I want to get there so badly!

Ideally I'd like to see 310 by my company picnic on July 11. It's definitely doable, but at the same time I know a lot of it will rely on what's going on with my body, too. I mean, I held onto 321-ish for several weeks! We'll see. Ultimately I would just really like to be out of the 300s by the end of August, that is what I am really shooting for, which gives me some wiggle room. If I can do that, I'll finally be caught up to where I was last year at around the same time, and from then on it's going to be all new territory. I'm so looking forward to that.

PS: I'm moving my official weigh-in to Saturdays.

Up All Night

Well, not really. Just up in the middle of the night because I went to bed way too early—like 7pm too early! I don't know what I was thinking, just tired and so glad that it's the weekend again. Going to bed at 7pm isn't something I could do on a worknight, that's for sure.

So here I am all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed at three in the morning. I don't plan to stay up for too long, because I don't want to screw up my morning and rest of the day plans for tomorrow. I'll be doing Week 6 Day 2 of C25K, which is a big milestone as it is the last run with what I call "training wheels". That is, it is the last run with any walking segments aside from the warm up and cool down. Wow. I can believe I am that far already! From tomorrow through the next three and a half weeks, it's all 25 to 30 minute runs for me, three times a week. How exciting! I am just thrilled that I was able to come back from such a dismal state of fitness so recently. Just goes to show how amazing and resilient the human body can be.

That said, I have to admit that I am glad I won't be running for 25 minutes straight tomorrow. It'll be 10 minutes running, 3 walking, and 10 running. That seems much more doable, don't you think? Yet you'd be amazed at how a body will come through when it's time to do those longer runs. The C25K program really does prepare you without you even knowing it!

***

I also wanted to say now that I am proud of myself after today's lunch disaster that I ate a small dinner that kept me within my caloric boundaries (well, I hope so, anyway—I did have to guesstimate on many of the items I had for lunch, but I did so on the high end). It wasn't the most healthful dinner, granted, but it served its purpose. Yep, popcorn with parmesan cheese and hot sauce, plus some Hola Fruta Mango sherbet (about 3/4 of a cup). I wanted something easy and easily countable.

There is definitely a thread going through this past week. I was always looking for something fast and easy to eat and didn't feel like cooking most of the time. I need to make sure that I have healthy choices available for myself during those times, and I just wasn't prepared in that was this week. Hopefully I can do better with that next week, or at least plan a little better.

I'm feeling really good about things right now, even at 3am! Keeping up in this blog regularly has really helped me, as has reading lots of other blogs by people going through the same things I am, having the same struggles and concerns. Reading those blogs truly inspire me and keep me on track, no lie! I am thankful to each and every person who is wiling to share their experiences with the world, warts and all.

Wegmans, you done me wrong.

Hm. I've done some things right today, some things wrong.

(I just want to say how glad I am that it is Friday, by the way!)

Had my usual breakfast, drinking water, had lunch. *brakes squealing*

Oh, lunch. I need to start planning you and bringing you into work. You just don't fit into my plans when I have to go out and get you.

I had the bright idea of going to Wegmans (the best grocery store chain in the region) to take advantage of their awesome lunch take-out bar. They've got all kinds of stuff, from hot dishes (Chinese and Indian cuisines), sushi, cold salads of all kinds, plus the sub and pizza counters, plus the whole grocery store. I ended up buying way too much food and also spending too much money. Double whammy, it's got to stop!

I opted for some Indian food, a chicken dish and a veggie dish that were pretty good choices, plus a wee bit of a chicken dish that wasn't such a good choice (it had cream in the sauce), a little lemon rice, some roasted green beans, and two very small pieces of naan bread. It turned out to be 1.5 pounds of food! Hm, didn't seem like it as I was loading it into the container. They obviously need smaller containers.

I bought it anyway, and at the register they have, very strategically placed, the most delicious-looking cookies. They are decadent and they are not cheap. What do you think I did? Yep, that's right. I bought one.

At my desk, I ate everything, not even fully enjoying it because I felt rather anxious eating it in the first place (too much, too expensive).

I still have so far to go in getting this down pat. I still have so many issues to deal with and hopefully someday fix. It's so frustrating that I insist on repeating stupid behavior like this. Learn it, already! Dammit!

The good news is that I logged everything the best I could. I don't have a lot to work with for dinner, but I will try really hard not to continue the overdoing it into the rest of the day. I deserve better than that.

One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

Weight: 319.4
Total Weight loss: 17.2 pounds

Today's my "official" weigh-in day. I'm down from last week, so that makes me happy, but I am really, really up from yesterday, which makes me disappointed.

I'm not surprised, mind you. Sure, I've been exercising regularly and really enjoying that, but my eating has not been so great. It's been worse, but it could be much better. And I admit, I haven't been tracking my food much this week, either, which doesn't help. Yesterday could have been fine, but I made a few bad decisions at around (you guessed it!) dinner time. I didn't feel like cooking or shopping, and I didn't feel like having spaghetti leftovers, so I put the frozen pizza I had tucked away in the freezer in the oven. And proceeded to eat all of it—once it came out of the oven, of course! I'm talking a full-sized Tombstone extra cheese pizza. Not so good. On top of that I finished off a bag of, of all things, gummi bears.

I don't know what I have been thinking lately. I could really be making even more awesome progress if I got back on track here.

The one thing I did right last night was, after all that, drinking a tall glass of ice water and NOT having an ice cream sundae again. I could have, trust me.

It's a good possibility that this two and a half pound gain resulted in part from all the sodium I likely consumed yesterday; I still haven't conquered my Subway addiction and had a roast beef sub for lunch. That's a lot of sodium.

When I was walking this morning, my fingers blew up like balloons. All this is really no surprise. Hopefully today will be a good one, and I can make up for my transgressions quickly.

It's nice to not be too upset about this! I know what I did wrong, and I know that I can fix it by getting back on track. And I made sure to get out for a good half hour walk even though I didn't feel so hot initially. I knew that if I didn't, I'd regret it. The times that are most important to get exercise in are the times when you really don't want to do it... that's when you need it most, I think!

Anyway, I am pleased to see an overall loss this past week and we'll leave it at that.

ETA: I just figured out that I am still averaging over a 2 pound loss per week, which is indeed great! I just have to keep it up.

Erasing Time

I'm absolutely doubly thrilled this morning!

First, I did Week 6, Day 1 of C25K and did just great. My average pace was my best so far, 17:06—better than my last best run last week, and way better than I ever did during last year's sequence. I know I have said it before, but I am so proud of how far I have come fitness-wise in less than two months. Who would have thunk it?

Second, I hopped on the scale not expecting much, when to my surprise: A breakthrough! 316.8 today. Just awesome. I am just .2 pounds away from the 20 pound mark since I started on May 1st.

Yesterday I didn't eat particularly well. I did OK during the day, but come dinner time, while I didn't binge or anything, I just ate a lot of crap. We had spaghetti with a very, very meaty sauce (not my favorite), and I probably overdid it a bit on the garlic bread because I was feeling so bad all day. Plus, we ate on the late side because when I got home from work (slightly early, but I hung in there longer than I originally thought I would), I slept for two hours! I was just totally spent. So yeah, definitely some comfort eating going on, even before dinner—while cooking I popped a couple leftover biscuits from the day before (with butter) and some of those totally addicting, shouldn't have 'em in the house Wheat Thins Artisinal crackers (Vermont cheddar flavor). I just felt compelled. All that, topped off with an ice cream sundae for dessert. WTF!

So you can imagine how even more yucky I felt after all that. Later in the evening—it was about 8:30pm at this point— I decided that I wanted to get at least a little physical activity in to perk me up a bit, so I went outside and spent about an hour digging in the dirt and planting some new plants I got last weekend. I worked until dark and worked up a nice sweat. Very sweaty, in fact. Which goes to show that even when you make poor choices in one area of your day, doesn't mean that you can't make up for it in another way. I definitely felt that I accomplished that. I made myself feel better both mentally and physically.

And what about the title of my post today? Well, with the loss I showed today I have effectively erased the last six months of my life, weight-wise. All the gains I saw between early January and May? Gone, totally. The next sixteens pounds or so will take me back to October 2008. Time travel is fun! I am just so glad that I have been able to nip that whole "I lost 50 pounds only to gain it all back plus some" in the bud. Not only can I look at my loss now as twenty pounds since May, but I can also look at it as having lost 33.2 pounds since January 2008. Either way, I win.

Feeling Yucky

That about says it all for today: I feel yucky. I guess it's PMS, beyond achey and just feeling off. I may leave work early today, like soon.

Still hanging out in 318, which is fine! It's better than 320.

I didn't go on my run this morning because I was feeling so ick. Last night I worked up a good sweat on mowing the front lawn and weeding the vegetable gardens, at least.

Oh well.

What, another post?

It's just one of those days when I feel like I have to process everything that is going through my head. I'm having another emotional day, I guess.

Well, after the doctor's visit I was pretty hungry for lunch, and for the second day in a row I had a Subway roast beef sub. This is surely much better than McDonald's or any other fast food option, but the bad things are that a) I think I am kind of addicted to Subway roast beef subs on honey oat bread with all the fixins (except for lettuce and banana peppers), red wine vinaigrette, and black pepper! Being compulsive about a food is never a good thing, so even though I have said it before, I'll say it again (and mean it!)—I need to stop going to Subway for at least a while. Not to mention, it gets expensive, especially since they took roast beef off the $5 list! I definitely do not need to throw money around like that, not when I am worried about paying the bills.

So anyway. It's not that I feel guilty about it, not really, but I kind of DO! I need to start taking lunches regularly again, for sure.

The evening is pretty well planned. When I get home, I'm going to shuck some corn on the cob, and then while C. is grilling the corn and steaks for dinner, I am going to mow the front lawn. Eat dinner, then work in the garden a little bit, then work on freelance design stuff a little bit, maybe watch some TV, then hit the sack by 10:30 so I can get a good run in tomorrow morning—C25K Week 6! Wow.

It's sure is nice to have the evening planned, but it tires me out just thinking about it. I'm tired enough sitting in my cube at work, feeling sluggish. Hopefully the physical activity with pep me up a bit.

***

I forgot to mention that when I rolled out of bed this morning, my right knee twinged! Like, I almost twisted it or something, that's what it felt like! But, I have no idea how that could have happened. It was just fine when I went to bed last night! Throughout the day it's been in and out with a slight pain. All I can say is, it better right itself soon!

Update: I'm OK

Just as a follow-up to earlier: The doc thinks it is just the artificial hormones in my birth control pills doing funny things with my cycle. He's going to have me take another round of pills and see if my cycle goes back to normal, and if so, wahoo! and if not, then plan B. Which would tests and stuff, I guess.

I really hate going to the doctor's office. No matter how hard I try to keep myself well-composed, I always end up feeling like they think I am being "difficult" (a la Elaine on Seinfeld), or I end up getting weepy. Both happened today! I swear, I really didn't think I was getting snippy, but I guess, based on the doc and nurse's reaction to my answers, I must have been. And that made me upset, so toward the end of the appointment I just almost started to cry.

I'm such a typical weepy fat girl. Blech.

Doctors suck. I feel like I want to find a new gyno and a new GP to boot.

Anyway, I'm OK for now!

One day, another day, and another

This is pretty much how I get through. Do one day, try another, and one more... before you know it, you're finding yourself... making progress of some kind or another. It might be slow, but it's progress nonetheless. For me lately progress is more about continuing to be active on a daily basis, and making sure that my Physics Diet chart stays in the green almost all the time (and I have, and it has). So while the pounds may not be falling off me, I am still progressing. I'm becoming more fit and my weight is still on a downward trend, albeit a slow one.

I'm hanging out in the 318 now, apparently. I was up ever-so-slightly today, but have hopes that I'll see a good loss soon. I still covet the 315! I expect the 315.

I did go for a 30-minute walk this morning despite feeling quite yucky (PMS, no doubt), and worked up a good sweat, too. This is some of the progress I am talking about. Doing it even when I don't necessary feel like it. Making a routine. I knew that if I didn't do it, I would regret it for the rest of the day. The simple act of walking (or running) makes all the difference. It is solid proof that I am doing something for myself.

For lunch today I am seeing the doctor. I had an appointment scheduled for the 30th, but called the nurse yesterday to say that, gee, my period never really stopped this month and I'm about to head into my next one, is there a problem with that? She promptly told me that I could have the first appointment of the day today, which is at noon. I have a feeling it's just the birth control I am on making my insides all wacked out, but I guess you never know. I'm a little nervous to be honest, but... well, it's probably nothing. They'll probably pat me on the head and give me a lollypop and send me on my way, silly girl.

(NOTE: My periods have always been weird, so this is not SO unusual, though I admit that I have never had a period last for over three weeks before. No doubt it's been screwing up my weight loss, too.)

Wish me luck! I'll report back dutifully to let you know how it went.

Baby Steps

I'm still losing, though by tiny increments... that's fine by me! I'm back down to 318.2, my lowest weight since I started in May. I am thrilled!

Even better is that this morning, I ran for 20 minutes straight!

I cannot tell you the mental block I had against doing this, which is funny because I have done it before, many a time! I just wasn't really sure I was ready, so I was scared I wouldn't be able to finish. I think I must give credit to miss Jenny, whom I mentioned yesterday and who was on my mind throughout my run today. I figure, if miss Jenny can prepare for a half-marathon while dealing with all that crazy breast cancer stuff, surely I can manage to run for 20 minutes straight. I kind of did it for Jenny.

So thanks, Jenny! I did it!

After a being in a really bad mindspace yesterday, today feels like a piece of cake. I'm really happy about where I am right now, mindspace-wise. Thank goodness. And you know, I think it is all the run's fault. It's because of that darned run that I feel so good.

I remember last year, doing the 20 minute run for the first time. It was MUCH harder back then than it was this time. I am clearly in much better shape now, which is pretty awesome, especially considering what an awful place I was in on May 1st, when I could barely walk for ten minutes without feeling like I was going to pass out. Look at me a month and a half later!

Yeah!

A Rough Day

I had one of the worst days, emotionally, today that I've had in a long time. I'm sure it is just PMS but that fact doesn't make any less rough. I was so weepy! I ended up taking a nap for a while just so that I would stop thinking bad thoughts. All very general stuff, nothing specific, just an overall feeling of malaise.

I'm feeling a little better now but kind of dreading returning to work tomorrow, which is stressing me out a little bit. I won't go into it too much here, but I am just trying to work things out for myself in my own head.

Weight-wise, it's going well. I was down just a wee bit more this morning, and if I had bothered going on my run it no doubt would have been even better, but no matter. Yep, I skipped my run. I just couldn't do it, couldn't bring myself to trying. Just one of those days!

PMS. Blech.

NOTE: I just found out that an old friend from my college days was just diagnosed with breast cancer. She has a blog about what's going on. This is from her Facebook, which some friends of hers "hacked" to write this message:

"This is the fastest way for us to let ya'll know that Jenny is running in the Rock n' Roll 1/2 marathon in Seattle on Saturday, June 27th. While this marathon is not typically a "fundraiser", we're makin' it one! FOR JENNY'S BOOBS!

Yes, Jenny has medical insurance but this damn breast cancer is still gonna rock her checking account by as much as $20,000. So while the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Fund is a worthy cause, we would like to ask you to consider a breast cancer donation directly toward Jenny's medical bills.

Let's make this as low stress for Jenny as possible. Rob & April are gonna collect any amount that you would like to give ($100? $75? $50?) and then we'll get one lump (no pun intended) sum to Jenny. There is power in FaceBook and the friends of Jenny's we can reach through this portal. Jenny has brought love and happiness and sunshine to so many of our lives; let's show her how much we love her and want to support her through this new challenge.

Cancer picked the WRONG bitch! Jenny is gonna kick cancer's ass!

Checks can be sent (and made out) to April Rauch, 8724 Jones Place NW, Seattle, WA 98117 or email with any questions: april@windermere.com
or get in touch with Rob at rcramp@u.washington.edu

Please support Jenny's boobs! And, in fact, hit up your friends who may not know Jenny but may care about breast cancer. This contribution will go 100% to the proper cause: Jenny's rack!"

Go Jenny! Kick it!

Puts things in perspective for sure.

Headed in the Right Direction

I'm down two pounds this morning, which puts me at 319 even. This is great! I don't know about you, but I am starting to suspect that exercise is really key to my success... after a week of nothing but the occasion bout of gardening, I've been C25King or walking every day for the past few days. It's obviously making a difference—not to mention it makes me feel good each day.

As I said, I haven't been too diligent about eating lately, but semi-trying to not overdo, too. Just trying to maintain a balance, which really is the ideal anyway, isn't it?

It recently struck me that I can approach this process in the same way I do my gardening and my art: it's an ongoing experiment. Sometimes the things I try work really well, and I keep them to use in the future, and sometimes they can be a gross failure, in which case I never do them again (or at least try not to). With my gardening and art, I fully disclose to everyone that it is all a big experiment, so I never really feel disappointed when the mistakes happen, I just move on and try something else. I am realizing now that I am beginning to do that with my approach to losing weight and maintaining a more healthy lifestyle, and it feels awfully good and right. Sure, I still get mad at myself from time to time, but lately I have been more forgiving and more willing to go through trial and error to figure out what works best for me.

This is a big difference from last year, and even last month. This attitude will help me get through the tougher times and allow me to proceed to the next round of successes.

It'll be interesting to see if these plateaus I am having each month will continue to be monthly occurrences. It's good to look for patterns, to see if there is something that you can expect and that you might not have a lot of control over. Our bodies are curious things. Our weight will fluctuate naturally, and it's OK. But it sure makes it a lot easier to deal with when you know what the patterns are, which is why I love the Physics Diet website so much. Honestly, if I didn't have that data to refer to, I doubt I'd be able to really hang in there through plateaus and even slight gains. It's funny how science and statistics can be comforting!

Anyway, I took a nice long walk this morning, sort of unexpectedly. I didn't feel like I had much energy, but as usual once I got going I felt fine to try to go beyond the just 20 minute walk I'd committed myself to initially. It was a slow walk, two miles in 45 miles, but it felt good to be out there early in the morning, breathing in the air and listening to the nothingness of 6:30am on a Saturday. I did it because I wanted to, and because it is important.

Tomorrow: C25K 20 minute run! Wish me luck!

Can You Say "Plateau"?

Weight: 321
Total Weight loss: 15.6 pounds

I've stayed pretty much the same all of the month of June.

And you know? I'm kind of OK with that. I'm proud that I have kept up with the positive changes I made in my life starting in May (oh heck, starting last January with a few big hiccups), and I know I will continue losing weight. For now I am happy that I have been able to maintain, even while having some positively poor eating days. That tells me that I am doing other things right, at least.

This morning I completed Week 5, Day 2 of C25K! I'm very proud of this; it was tough.

Run 5 minutes
Walk 3 minutes
Run 8 minutes (!)
Walk 3 minutes
Run 5 minutes

Plus the usual warm up and cool down. I gotta say that the first 5 minute run made me feel like I wasn't going to be able to finish. But I just kept talking myself through it, breaking up the already short chunks of time into even smaller ones, to make it easier psychologically. And it worked! I didn't go quite as fast overall as I did the day before (3.3mph average vs. 3.5mph), but I still really surprised myself. I went farther than the last time, so close to the two mile mark (1.87, to be exact). I would be so fantastic if I could run 2 miles in a half hour, let me tell you! I'll get there.

It's going to be a busy weekend; I've got all kinds of things going on, but I do want to fit in a plain walk tomorrow morning and Day 3 (20 minutes of running!) of C25K on Sunday. Aside from that I have a freelance design project to work on, paintings to make in my studio, and a family get-together on Sunday to celebrate Father's Day. It's going to whiz by, so I need to make the best of my time!

And hey, since I almost never post photos, here is one of me taken just moments ago. I think it is always nice to put a face to a name (or online persona, for that matter). HI!